I Dream of Zombies

I just woke up from a dream where me, a random girl I've never seen irl but somehow know was named Cassandra, and Willow and Xander from Buffy, all survived the zombie apocalypse together. I've only dreamed about the zombie apocalypse once before a couple months ago, and it wasn't as vivid and insane as this. We stole an old riverboat that was like a little tin can, all the others could fit in it but while we sped up the river I sat on top and kept a lookout. The world was already in ruins and it felt like much more time had passed than a few weeks since the world ended, but dreams are weird and messy like that. So anyway.

Cassandra's insane aunt who blamed me for her husband's death tried to kill me, and Cassandra killed her and saved me after I lured her to a swamp where my friends were waiting. There was an 'intelligent' zombie who could control others who was after us, on some Game of Thrones shit, but more terrifying than the Night King's icy bitch-ass.

All I know is that I have got to find a way to write this shit as a book. Or stop dreaming of horrifying end-of-the-world scenarios.

Superhero High Book 1: FORCE (Announcement, Cover Reveal & Release Date!)

So, in my last post I promised you all that I wouldn't blog again until I had some cool stuff to announce and share. And now I do! My next title, FORCE (Superhero High Book 1) is coming out on January 10th 2020!

Force is actually a novella, not a full book. It's the first in a series of five titles following the students of Southaven High, a school for teens with powers, who in this world are listed as C-Class Citizens in the new American social caste system.

I had a ton of fun writing this one!

I would describe this series as, like, Smallville meets Degrassi? I've never actually seen an episode of Degrassi, but I know it's about teens at a high school and there are a ton of different generations or classes or whatever. Each novella follows a different student at the school, although they're all part of the main roster of characters who will each play a big role as they go on. I mean, not all of them, some of them just die, but I can't talk about that, because spoilers...

If that sounds interesting to you, here's the cover and blurb!

Two years ago a meteor shower rained alien particles known as Gemblood over most of the planet Earth, resulting in those humans with no immunity developing…abnormalities.

In the United States of America, where individuals with powers are listed as C-Class citizens, teenagers with abnormalities are sent to special schools, where they can hone their talents without hurting any A-Class citizens, AKA normals.

Welcome to superhero high…

Kacey Print only wants to disappear. After unleashing the powers she spent two years trying to hide, she ended up killing nine of her classmates in a tragic accident. Now the only reason she hasn’t been carted off to a maximum security prison for freaks like her is because of the timely intervention of one Dr. Christian Howell, the principal of Southaven High School, a black hole they toss people like her into to keep everybody else safe. He’s given her a second chance, even though she doesn’t deserve it, but straight-edge punk girl Kacey is going to have to fight for redemption if it’s what she truly wants, because all of a sudden, the school is under attack by a giant tentacled monster and a group of mysterious faceless men.

Welcome to your first day at Southaven! The only rule of orientation is ‘Don’t Die!’

I will update this post and make another announcement with all the links once it's available for pre-order in a week or two, and I'll also be posting the first chapter as a tease, so be on the lookout! I'm already working on book 2, TORCH, for a February release and I can't wait to share it!

I'm Living in Some Type of Television

*Title from the song Show Me Yours by Trisha Paytas.

So all I've done for the past two days is work on this new story I don't want to talk about, and play Fortnite. I'm now officially trash. To be fair I also walked to our mailbox today but the only thing inside was a death threat/parking ticket reminder.

It was really nice outside, even though it was cold as hell. I wore combat boots instead of sneakers so I wasn't slipping on all the ice for once.

It's weirdly beautiful and, I guess, 'fresh' outside when it's winter and there's snow everywhere but it's still sunny. All the white snow and golden light combines and makes things look like some kind of a fantasy world.

Anyway, my walk was nice, but I'm sore all over. I'm probably ruining my back by sitting in all the weird positions I sit in. I made a blanket nest on the floor in a corner of my room and I've been retreating there more often than I want to admit even though I know it's really fudging up my back and shoulders, especially my neck. Oh well, though, it's comfy and I have no decent chairs and even if I did, I'd want to sit on the floor anyway because I'm a weirdo.

The truth is both my bed and my house in general are twisted and bent to hell. The entire world is warped.

I have no money to get a new bed, but even if I did I'd probably spend it on books...

So I have to deal with my back problems and I mostly do it by spraying my entire body with a muscle relaxant that has peppermint in it but honestly just smells like root beer. Like to a degree that it's weird. I think it's about time I give my body a break from the constant assault of coffee and weed I put it under, so I'm cutting those out for a couple days, hopefully, even though I already cut back on smoking. The truth is it helped with quiet a few things, so I guess that's a sign I should keep cutting back.

I'm one of those people who doesn't like to do what's good for me, though, and even when I finally relent and do it, I end up kicking and screaming the whole way.

In fact, it's probably why I'm writing this blog right now instead of writing my next book. To be fair, I only have a couple more chapters to write, because it's not actually a book, it's a novella, and I am in love with it, but I'm at the final fight scene and I always kind of hate the action scenes because as cool as they can be, I'm more interested in characters just talking and having feelings about each other, and it's also a scene where some reveals need to happen to most of the characters present, and a lot of different moving pieces are involved, and I'm not sure entirely if I'm wrapping it all up right. But it doesn't really matter, right? The first entry in a series doesn't even need to wrap much up, it mostly just needs to get you excited for the next one, and I think it will.

I actually wrote the first 10k words of this project all in one night, and I really had a lot of fun with it up to now, but I think I need to reread it all from the start and do some editing to re-familiarize myself with it before I hop back in and write the end.

I know 'they' say you shouldn't edit as you write, 'they' being the unseen council of art gods whose opinions get spread around the internet as fact, or the cold hard rules of writing, but I'm gonna go ahead and break that rules.

I've been hanging out playing video games and listening to the new Trisha Paytas EP all day. I was really hoping I'd get my new books in the mail, since some are supposed to come this week, but I don't think they'll get here until tomorrow some time, and I'm annoyed about it. I want those books! I've got the entire My Blood Approves series coming, both Hollows books, and Gumiho 1 (Wicked Fox) and I bought a box-set of the Splintered trilogy so I can have nice new paperbacks that actually match, because I haven't read book three and I hate that the copies of the first two I have don't match, one is paperback and the other is hardcover, and I prefer paperback, which I've been told I'm weird for by hardcover lovers, who are what we in the business of being awesome call haters. <__<

I'm already reading a ton of books including The Red Scrolls of Magic and Margaret Sthol's Black Widow book Forever Red (I also need its sequel, gah) because I want to get excited for Black Widow's solo movie. The trailer they just put out looks awesome.

I'm also considering rereading The Hunger Games because Fortnite really reminds me of it, lol. I haven't read those books in two or three years now, and I watched the trailers for their movies earlier and got really nostalgic.

Remember when we were all like a hundred years younger and The Hunger Games was first blowing up, and the first movie had just come out in theaters?

Damn, we are old.

That said Suzanne Collins is coming to save western society with another book in that world, so hey, maybe the Gods who run the simulation haven't abandoned us yet at all!

Anyway I will leave you with the promise of new links and new covers for new titles next time I post! I'm not letting myself write another blog until I write my damn novella! I'm probably going to go back on what I said about quitting coffee, aren't I? I know I am.

- XOXO, your local insane indie author who is definitely NOT Gossip Girl, I swear

I'm Not Shy But I Refuse to Speak Because I Don't Trust You to Understand Me

Title from My Name Is Dark by Grimes.

I'm probably not going to win NaNoWriMo this year; I only have like 3000 words left to go, but I'm probably not going to hit it because I'm in a bad place psychologically and probably won't write that much before 12, if I write today at all. I slept all day and played a little Kingdom Hearts 3 and that's it. And if that's it, that's fine, at least I was lazing off instead of getting into more trouble. I really don't trust myself to do much else today.

Basically I've been listening to Grimes and enjoying moping around hating myself and life and feeling all defeatist about everything.

Obviously I should have loftier goals, but we all have Those Days TM.

I picked up a copy of Awakener by Alisha Howard on Kindle because it's free on Amazon.ca right now, and I bought all the paperbacks for the My Blood Approves series by Amanda Hocking. I'm finally going to own one of my favorite self-published series in physical copy! It's hard to invest in indie books, and I say this as an indie author, because they're so damn expensive for print-on-demand books, and it sucks, but it is what it is. I'd love to buy the Hollows series too, and in fact, I'm hopping over there to do that now, because I just talked myself into it, it's only two books, and God knows when I'll have the money again. It came up to like 95 bucks for the MBA books, they're like 17 bucks each. Hmmm, maybe I will wait to buy the Hollows. I talked myself into it and then out of it again, lol. Money is scary, especially when you have very little.

I honestly think I'm supposed to help my cousin move in a couple days and watch all my packages come while I'm out and get stolen. I'll have to build a contraption or box or something for the mailmen to put them in that doesn't draw as much attention.

I'm honestly reeling from what a weird November it's been. It's crazy that this month is over because it felt like it went on and on and on forever. I'm kind of in denial that it's winter again, but at least it's mild so far. Thanks for that, global warming. You ruin the things that ruin everything else, but you also kill polar bears, so you can still go fuck yourself.

Yup, I'm gonna go NOT-write and wish aliens would abduct and murder me already. I know at least ONE galactic overlord has to have internet access, I know y'all see this; what's taking so long?

Something I Once Said

Here's a passage I wrote on this blog way back in 2016 that I found again today and really needed to hear:

AT LEAST ONCE in your writing career, but probably way more times than that, you will find yourself sitting on the floor in your underwear, getting drunk and crying, wondering if you're throwing your life away. You may or may not try to ask your dead relatives for advice from beyond the grave. They won't give it to you, though, selfish villains that they are. This is normal. This is the stress of being a living, working artist. But you know why you got into this and you know what it means to you, so don't you fucking let your stress win. We've all felt like we were facing doomsday at one point or another, legacy or self-published, and those storms always pass. It doesn't matter if you're a first-time indie or the next Suzanne Collins with hype and a big six publisher and a movie deal at your back - you have undertaken a huge project, and you are allowed to have a human moment about it, okay?

Maybe you need to hear it today too, so here it is.

RETURN OF THE BLOG ZOMBIES

Obviously I've blogged more in the past couple days than I have in a long time, and that's going to keep happening, because I'm in a much more convenient position to write blog posts now. So, here's some stuff you can except to see me talking about in the next few weeks and months:

1) Spider-Man. This has happened and will happen again.

2) Video games in general. I've got Fallout 4 and inFamous First Light coming in the mail, and inFamous Second Son just arrived today.

3) The short stories I'm working on!

4) Pop music. Always pop music. Although right now I'm weirdly getting back into indie rock.

5) Dropping Like Flies. This is my next new full-length book and it's about a cannibal. Nuff said.

I Want To Tell You About My Grandparents

All of my grandparents are gone now, which is a really weird feeling. I never really knew my grandfathers, in fact I only met one of them. But my grandmothers were such a huge part of my life, and it feels weird that I haven't talked about them much here, because it just feels painful and hard. But now I think I am at a place where I can talk about them from a place of happiness and wonder at the fact that I got to meet these beautiful people and share so many moments with them in life.

Like a lot of kids, my parents were always busy working, they both had nine-to-five jobs that were physically demanding, and they were overworked and underpaid, so I got left with my grandparents a lot while my brother who was older was allowed to run around with his friends or go to after-school programs. I had no problem with this, because I was antisocial and I liked my grandmothers both better than I liked other kids my age and my friends at school. Even as an eleven year old boy, I had the personality of a woman in her late fifties. What can I say, some things never change.

My grandpa Al died before I was born, when my father was about seven or eight, I think. After he died my Nanny Better had a nervous breakdown; she grew up an orphan in the Canadian foster care system and had bounced around from group home to orphanage to foster home, etc, from what I've been told, and she ended up sending both my uncles to live with our great aunt Lillian, while my father, who apparently had intense behavioral issues, was sent to live in a boys home for a few years. At some point, Betty got her life together, she bought an apartment building and turned the bottom floor into a commercial space, opening a convenience store with her girlfriend Josie, who we grew up knowing as aunt Josie, because I guess everybody thought we were too young to understand that Grandma was dating a woman, lol. That convenience store is still there, in fact I went there a lot growing up after they'd sold it. It's called Sam's now and it has been since the eighties or mid-nineties, at least. In the early two-thousands my Nanny Tony, who lived a few doors down, would send me there with spare change and I'd buy Miami Cakes and pizza pockets galore before going back to her place to watch unhealthy amounts of TeleToon.

Anyway, Betty eventually ended up selling the store and becoming a librarian of all things. She loved books, but not as much as she loved cats and cigarettes. I have fond memories of listening to Stephen King audiobooks on tape at her and Josie's apartment in the West Side, in the dark, while trying to fall asleep, at like seven years old. I was traumatized. Baby's First Audiobook!

Nanny and Josie lived together for years, even after they broke up. The last time I saw them together was in 2015; I blogged about it on this blog, actually, if you go back to summer 2015, it's when I got my first tattoo with my cousin Amelia. I remember that summer so fondly, we went swimming and saw a truck back into the water and get stuck, we went to Dixie Lee and got decent greasy chicken and iced green tea, we walked every night with Josie and her sisters. Nanny and Josie had moved to Josie's hometown at that point so she could be with her family, I think they moved around 2013 or so. Amelia visited them dozens of times, but I'd only ever gone that once.

A short time after that trip Nanny Betty was moved back to our city, into a home, as her condition deteriorated and her dementia got worse. I'm ashamed to admit it, and it's a big regret for me, but I never went to see her while she was in the home for the last three years of her life; I was afraid, because I knew my father and I are probably both going to get dementia one day, it's like a family curse, and my father is already showing signs. I knew from Amelia and other relatives that she often didn't know who they were, that she often didn't know where or when she was. I couldn't see her like that, and the idea of it sent me into an anxiety attack every time, so my parents tried to shield me from the questioning and prodding of the rest of our family to the best of their ability.

Everybody tells me I'm like my uncle John, Betty's son, Amelia's father, because we both love reading and books, and we're both writers, and the truth is I think I'm like him because we're both like her. It comes from her, the love of books and stories, and police procedural dramas. She babysat me for years in elementary and middle school and she was always watching some form of CSI or Criminal Minds.

Nanny Betty always had a cat calendar on every surface, and cat plushies, and cat figurines, and more, and one of the keepsakes I have from her is a tiny cat statue on my bookshelf, it's white and blue and very elegant looking, even though I'm sure she bought it at a local dollar store sometime around like 2004.

On the other side of the family, there's my mom's parents. I only met her father once, when I was very young. He wasn't close with anybody in the family, and when my parents got married years and years ago they sent him money for a plane ticket and a hotel but he never came. My mom talked to him on the phone occasionally, but I never had much interest in him. He died a few years ago and my mom found out he'd had more kids and she has a half-brother and half-sister out there, who she's had a little contact with here and there.

Her mother, though, my Nanny Tony, was a HUGE part of my life. Nanny Betty and Josie always favored Amelia and my brother Brandon over me, which was very hurtful as a kid. I felt like I was the odd one out in the family who nobody wanted. But Nanny Tony clearly favored me, to the point where I truly believe I was her favorite person in the world. She died very suddenly when I was eleven, and my last words to her, a few weeks before that, were 'I love you' which brings me a lot of comfort even now that I'm an adult.

I would go to Nanny Tony's almost every weekend, Friday to Sunday. Amelia's maternal grandmother Lillian lived right down the street, so if she went to her place we could both hang out and play as much as we wanted, which was amazing.

Nanny Tony made the best scrambled eggs I've ever had in my life, and I always demanded she make them for me. I still try to make them like she did and I always fail. She loved Christmas movies and romantic comedies, and her house was a hub of activity, there was always several friends and family members coming and going, at all hours. If I slept in on the couch too long the living room got so crowded people would sit on my legs and wake me up. When my parents got into a bad argument my mom would storm out and take me and my brother to her place. We went there every holiday, and I remember one year on Easter she and my uncle Chicken, who passed away last year of a heart infection, put on the horror movie Boogeyman. Traumatized my dumb ass for life. Watching it now doesn't do anything for me though, it's so corny in retrospect.

Nanny Tony also smoked like a chimney. Her and Nanny Betty would sometimes meet up at the bingo parlor and were bingo buddies for years before they had a falling out and turned icy with each other. (Drama, drama!)

My mom took on Nanny Tony's personality trait of wanting to feed everybody all the time, although at this point I don't know if it's really a personality trait or a genetic disposition Greeks have towards hospitality and wanting to force-feed people. Both of them can cook a good damn meal. My mom is vegetarian and eats a mostly vegan diet now, but she still cooks meat dishes for my dad and I sometimes, like last night she cooked an amazing ham for us.

I have very fond memories of running in and out of the kitchen while Mom and Nanny Tony cooked family dinner, and how various cousins and uncles and family friends and whoever they were all dating at the time would come over to eat with us. Everybody loved her. At her funeral they printed out cards with her portrait and the caption 'Queen of Duke Street' which seems pretty damn accurate to me. I used to sit with her on her front stoop all morning, watching people pass by, and more than half of them inevitably stopped to say hi and chat with her.

I'm going to hop off now, since I think I've successfully conveyed how awesome these women were. They formed who I am and who I'll always be, and I'm eternally grateful I got to know them.

The Importance of Spider-Man

All I've been doing for the past few days is play Spider-Man for the PS4 and waiting for my new laptop to come in the mail. It's here now, and it's very fancy, and I'm using it to catch up on NaNoWriMo, and, yes, writing Spider-Man fanfic. I'm only human.

I grew up on Spidey. I know most of us did, but still; when my dad was a kid in the seventies and eighties he would dress up as Spider-Man and climb on top of his roof to amuse his friends. When my brother and I were growing up in the late nineties and early two-thousands, we had cool Spider-Man pajamas and toys and gadgets like mini web-shooters that shot silly string all over the house and effectively turned our mother homicidal. We watched the Sam Raimi trilogy all the time. Toby isn't my favorite Spider-Man, or even my favorite movie Spider-Man, but he was still fantastic, even though those movies got corny sometimes.

I have a very clear memory of going to a birthday party at some kids house when I was like, eight or nine--I still have no idea who this kid was, if he was my friend or my brother's, or just the kid of one of our Dad's friends who we got shoved into spending time with, although I think that was it.

My brother was a social butterfly, and I was sadly not. I didn't fit in with any of the kids my age, and I was shy and I felt weird and out of place. I didn't know any of the kids at that party, but I remember they put on one of those movies for us, I think it was Spider-Man 2, and we all sat in the basement watching it while we waited for this kid's older brother and his mom to tell us who had won this contest earlier in the night, one of those where you have to guess how many jelly beans there are in a big glass jar full of them. I don't remember what number I guessed exactly, but I was right; I remember halfway through the movie I had to go pee so I went upstairs, and on my way back down I overheard the brother asking his mom how many beans were in there, and she replied with my guess, I had somehow gotten it exactly right, I don't know how, but I knew I'd won before anyone else knew I'd won. The prize, of course, was the huge jar of jelly beans. My brother didn't usually like me, but he sure liked me that day, when he got to stuff his face with my winnings. I just remember watching the rest of Spider-Man and feeling very proud of myself.

I remember another time when I was around eleven or so, my neighbor Megan's little dog ran away, and my friend Brandon and I (not to be confused with my brother Brandon, because of course there have to be multiple Brandons running around just to keep things interesting) and I went out looking for it. We found the thing, and when we brought him home, Megan's mom was so happy she bought us both a box of Spider-Man gummy candies as a reward. I shared mine with my dad.

I don't know why I love Spidey so much, or maybe I do, honestly; maybe it's because he's a superhero whose alter-ego is just as easy to root for as his hero persona is.

Clark Kent is just pretending to be a nerd with glasses, he's a hot, buff alien who doesn't really have that many confidence issues. I know he's a DC hero, but bear with me. Wonder Woman, another DC hero, is a literal fucking Amazonian princess. Even on the Marvel side of things, it's like, Tony Stark is a hot rich playboy asshole most of the time. Black Widow is a kick-ass Russian spy. Northstar is a fucking famous figure skater.

So, yeah, they're cool, interesting heroes, but they're not relatable to most of us.

Men, women, white folks, black folk, straight folk, gay folk, we all relate to Peter Parker because he actually IS that nerd with glasses, he's not pretending, it's not an act. He's just a nice dorky kid from New York who usually lives at home with his family, or if he lives alone is super overdue on rent, he's into nerdy shit like photography and science. He's a dork. He's a real underdog. We all see ourselves in him.

And when Peter puts on that mask, he's not shedding his fake Peter persona, he's not becoming somebody else, because Spider-Man is actually a part of Peter, he's Peter unleashed. He has no reason to be shy or hold himself back under that mask, and the real him comes out, the funny, charming, playful part of himself he's sometimes too shy or awkward to let out in real, daily life. When other heroes shed their normal clothes and slap on spandex, they're not really putting on a costume, they're taking one-off; the hero persona is the real them, and the alter-ego almost becomes an act half the time. (Depending on the writer, obviously. I'm not shitting on all other heroes, but it's obvious that they often lack something Peter Parker has that makes people respond to him on a much more crazy, fanatical level of fandom...) Peter Parker is Peter Parker, whether he's wearing flannel or spandex, and that's what makes him so special, he doesn't become a completely different person between personas, he just becomes more himself.

I'm not sure why I feel the need to say all this. I just love Spider-Man I guess. I know it will probably never happen, or at least not for years, because, you know, Tom Holland and Marvel-Sony and Into The Spiderverse, there's just a lot going on with this property right now, so I think it would muddy the waters a bit too much, but SOMEDAY I'd like a Spider-Man TV show. A nice 45-mins-per-episode TV show with an ensemble cast, following Peter from becoming Spider-Man to meeting Miles Morales and becoming a mentor to him, giving MJ a Jessica Jones P.I. type slant (minus the mean personality and alcoholism, because I'm pretty sure Jess has those trademarked) and more. I'd love an ensemble cast drama in this world, with these characters, is what I'm saying. It was a TV show way back in the day, it could be again.

I also want a bi Peter Parker, though, so I'm probably just throwing shit out there. That leaked Sony email basically said "Spider-Man can never be gay or the anti-SJWS will riot!" so it's probably ruled out. And they're right, I mean, anti-SJWS hate Holdo from Star Wars because they're convinced having pink hair makes you lesbian (I think the director or writer did pull a JKR, Dumbledore type deal with her, but it's not in the text so fuck them, it's not canon) and they ignore all of Rey's character development to call her a Mary Sue feminazi bitch while upholding Padme and Mara Jade, a flat, boring static character and a literal overpowered Mary Sue as more well-written alternatives, so people are basically insane and will riot whenever any form of minority is in their fiction these days, sadly. I get it.

Spider-Man being gay or bi would sent the internet into a tailspin, and I kind of want to see it because I'm a shit-disturber and I think it would be funny.

But also because, come on, Peter Parker is bi as fuck. He's had weird sexual tension Flash Thompson and Eddie Brock several times throughout his comics runs and various other forms of media. He's got weird vibes with his best friend Harry. I don't know, I just don't buy that Peter is 100% straight. I do buy that he's 100% pure-hearted and a total dork, though, which is why he's the best superhero. He makes nerds and dorks believe in themselves and he's funny. And he represents the twinks. And the twunks. And that's why Spider-Man is so damn important.

If I was a huge blockbuster, top-selling YA author who could land gigs like these superhero novels people like Margaret Sthol and Leigh Bardugo and SJ Maas are getting, I'd want to write a Spider-Man trilogy. I'd probably be Kevin Fiege's slave for life if he or someone, anyone, at Marvel, would let me at this property.

Alas, I'll be restrained to the realm of fanfic and daydreaming, but I'll still love Spider-Man as long as I live.

A Note About That Note

I figured out how to fix the previous posts I mentioned in, well, my previous post; I had to edit their HTML directly for some reason. Changing actual post settings didn't work. Had to manual that shiz. Blogger is glitchy. It has the flu, I guess.

That's all I really have to say right now, but I will leave you with the new Harry Styles song because he is a bi icon (bicon) if ever there was one...

 

Blogger Hates Me

I'm aware my last couple blog posts look really messed up. I have no idea what to do about it because every time I try to edit them, Blogger just doesn't actually update the changes. I can't fix the font to match the rest of the blog (Helvetica is how I roll) and I tried making the fonts larger but it honestly made them smaller. I blame it on the fact that I originally wrote and posted them from my iPad. Ugh. If you can't zoom to read, you can skip 'em, because I didn't say anything too important.

A new edition of Iceblood and a new edition of Storm of Masks are both out, they have nice new covers, and that's about it. Iceblood got a new round of editing and I think it's a lot better now. You should go read it...

I'm also aware I haven't blogged since August. (Bad author!)

I did that because I've been writing/editing other stuff, and I replaced blogging with morning pages for a while there. I'm going to try to balance them out more now and blog a little even if I've already done morning pages. It's a lot of effort though. >.>

The truth is my main energy reserves are all going towards resisting shiny new ideas. I fell for one the other night and wrote the first chapter and now I guess I'm just writing a full novel. The Novel That Shall Not Be Named. Until I do name it, but I'm not telling you guys the title right now (it's one word and starts with P though) because what if I don't finish it and then people are excited for a project I never finish? Yikes.

I just finished editing the new edition of Shadows an hour ago, a full three months behind schedule, lol.

It was totally worth it to take my time with this project, though. I have a few more minor edits to do, then a final read-through, and then it should be good to publish later in the week. I've got financial stuff to take care of in a few days so once it's all done, the ball should get rolling on a few cool things! The new edition of Shadows + the new special edition of Shadows are both coming, and I'm super proud of the work I've done on the book. It's better than I ever thought it could be and it jumped up from 126k words to just over 150k words. So I added like 24k of new material, more or less, and I genuinely think all of it is gold. I have an outline for the short story I'll be including in the special edition and I'm really excited to write it soon!

Anyway, like I said; more ACTUAL blogs to come. I just wanted to post an explanation and excuse here for the fugly formatting on the past couple posts. I hate it more than any of you do, promise. >:O 

Catch me on Instagram @ApolloBlakeBooks

Paperback Problems & Other Misadventures

Today I woke up determined to get something done. I didn't care what as long as I accomplished something with my day. I kept thinking of Storm of Masks and what I could do for it... We have a complicated relationship, since it's my least popular book and totally flopped upon release, but I still have a soft spot for it and want it to find an audience even though I think it's kind of slow-paced and boring.

I decided I would revamp the cover yet again. I love the ghostly turquoise cover and I think it fits the mood of the novel really well, but I don't know if it communicates urban fantasy or paranormal romance. It looks like a horror story. I wanted something that would telegraph the genre immediately. I also decided to go ahead and rewrite the entire blurb. The new synopsis is much better so I'm glad I went for it. And the synopsis for book two might be one of the best blurbs/descriptions I've ever written. I'm super excited to share it!

Once I'd finished a new cover and synopsis I decided it would be cool if I could finally get around to creating paperbacks like I keep saying I will. I designed a simple, cute wraparound cover and downloaded a paperback template, formatted everything and converted it to PDF....only for Amazon to tell me the paperback would cost $53.00! Obviously that's not acceptable. I have to bring that cost down to $11.00 or something because I'm not rich and neither are my readers.

I'm pretty sure I chose the wrong size or trim. I guess I should go for something a little taller so it's using less paper? I'll experiment with it a bit this week but for now I published the expensive version because I'd already set it up and I was tired and frustrated. I do like the idea of having fat doorstopper copies of my books just to stroke my own ego, but it's probably not in the cards. Paperbacks and physical copies in general are the main part of being indie I dislike because they're so pesky and time-consuming.

This makes me nervous for the Shadows of Ourselves paperbacks coming up because that book is a beast even in ebook format. I may have to split it into two volumes for the paperback, like they do with A Song of Ice and Fire in France...it's an excuse to make more cute covers so I'll keep that in mind, lol. I have no idea where I would split that huge book in half though.

Aside from that I spent today lazing around and drinking too much coffee. I watched a few episodes of The 100 (I'm finally on season 6 and it's amazing) and listened to the new Trisha Paytas EP which is her best music yet. Advice has to be her best song so far, I'm in love with it!

Anyway, I'll leave you with the new cover for Storm of Masks:

Iceblood New Edition Cover Reveal + Sequel Announcement!

Earlier tonight I published a new edition of Iceblood, and it should be live in a few hours! I wanted to publish a new edition because I felt like more than any of my books Iceblood deserved an updated, more professional looking cover. I liked the old one but it felt both amateur and very dated.

The novella itself has been cleaned up quite a bit and I'm happy with the better round of editing and the few bits and pieces of new material it has. They've made it a much stronger story.

And the new cover? Beautiful.

However I also decided to write two sequels, rounding it into a trilogy. They'll both be a little longer than Iceblood, but I've got them both outlined and I'm drafting them once I'm done writing Glimpse and a story Deadly Divine. Glimpse has been tricky but I finally figured out what I need to change to make it feel right.

Iceblood is book one in the Thief Materials series and will be followed by Inheritance and Scoundrel, as well as a bindup of all three. It's set in the same world of Souls of Salt and Seawater and takes place step that book, but before it's upcoming sequel. Rayna and Alice will both appear in minor assisting roles.

I can't wait to show you their covers, but it will have to wait until they're done and ready to publish!

Ian's Fetish & A Twink in The Woods (Book Release + Cover Reveal!)

The new books are live, so it's time for a cover reveal and release announcement! These are always my favourite posts to write. They make me feel productive and like stuff is happening. Which is cool.  Cause it is.

Without further ado, here's the new stories:

Ian's Fetish: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07RCBGCNX/

A Twink in The Woods: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07RBC2SNJ/

Ian's Fetish is about two best friends and is more romantic, while A Twink in The Woods is about cruising and is more overtly sexual. I have two more stories on the way as well, which are shorter than these but still pretty fun. I may write more erotica soon, but I'm focused on a couple other stories. I want to put out three or four novels this year and I obviously don't have much time to do it, but I tend to write a lot in quick bursts and then sit on stuff and publish it all at once later.

I had a really cool novella halfway done set in the world of Iceblood and Souls of Salt & Seawater, but the file got deleted and I can't get it back. I don't remember what it was called which is probably a sign I would have changed the title, but it's about two men in a prison who become lovers, and their escape attempt.

I do love these novellas, but writing them also made me miss fantasy elements and the supernatural. It's fun to experiment though, and I also have a nonfiction book in the works, which has been pretty cool.

Anyways it's time for me to listen to some music and get in the headspace to write. I have a lot to do tonight and I still haven't washed the dishes. I hope you guys check out the new stories if they're up your alley. Thanks for reading!

Much Ado About a Troll Review

Troll reviews are one of the weirdest parts of being an author. I'm a gay guy. I'm specifically a gay guy who talks about homophobia when I see it, and who gets in arguments with anti-SJWs and incels and idiotic Trump supporters sometimes, because I can't help myself. I'm learning to engage less and less, but sometimes someone just needs to call them on their stupidity or hypocrisy.

The problem with that is the red-pill weirdos have no lives, so they then stalk my social media, find my books and author info, and leave troll reviews of my work on Amazon.

The last time it happened was around the time my novella Wolves came out, and a bunch of awesome people helped me by reporting those reviews. A few are still up, but most are gone, as they should be.

Last night I checked my Amazon page and noticed that a couple months ago someone threw more up.

One of them is for Shadows of Ourselves and the other is for Wolves. The one for Wolves Is actually hilarious because he says he bought it on another site, which is impossible, since it's only available on Amazon. He also calls my main character an obvious self-insert, which is hilarious because the main character of that is a surly twink with a truck and a boyfriend, and I'm a shy fat dude who can't even drive, let alone handle a relationship. He also says that writing a sex scene doesn't automatically make it sexy, which is further hilarity because there's no actual sex scene in that book, and if there were, it would be more desperate and emotional than sexy, because that's not a sexy book. I think it may mention sex in passing, but there's no sex scenes,

The one for Shadows just goes on about how Sky and Hunter are stupid and how I 'write like a teenage edgelord' which is hilarious because Sky IS a teenage edgelord and I wrote his voice that way on purpose. That's the entire purpose of the character. He's depressed and cynical and has to stop choosing to be snarky and bitter and isolated. He's a semi-goth painter with an abusive mother and a grunge aesthetic, and a drug problem. Of course he's an angsty edgelord; if he started the series as a well-adjusted adult there'd be no point or room for him to grow.

The one about Shadows actually talks about the content, so it may be a genuine rant review even though it reads like a troll who has a personal vendetta against me. So as much as I hate it I'm not going to report it, because people have every right to trash my books if they actually read them and don't like them. They even have the right to trash me, if they really want.

But the Wolves review is not only trolling, but also telling random lies about the book and attempting to insult me personally, and is obviously not a verified purchase, so I reported it. That's all I can really do, aside from attempt to garner more positive reviews for both of them to combat the trollish ones. Shadows deserves more attention anyway, but I'm sure the new edition coming out and the sequel following in the early or middle of next year should also help. I have a novella coming out for it before the year is up too, so.

Tonight I got way more done that I thought I would. I hit publish on A Twink in the Woods and Ian's Fetish, which are just silly, sexy fun, so hopefully both of those should be up by tomorrow or the next day, unless Amazon pulls some foolery or decides the titles or covers are too risqué and makes me change them. Cross your fingers it all goes as planned! If it does I'll post cover reveals and links tomorrow as well as add new pages for both of those!

Storm of Masks is now live again, and I made some slight adjustments to the colour filter and text/layout of the cover I like. It's still the same image, but it's a fresh cost of paint. I also have two new shorts to publish tomorrow and the next day as well, so it should be a steady stream of releases for the next few days.

Now I'm going to eat Mini Snowballs and drink black coffee and recover from all my hard labour. Peace!

Motherboard Blues

Today was a little hellish. The power went out around 4am and was out for hours. Someone hit a power line with her car nearby, but from what I heard she was fine. Anyway my computer wouldn't turn back on after the outage, and I was afraid I'd lost everything, but I opened it up and shorted it with a screwdriver, so it's fine now, but the power button is done for good.

The tower looks like this right now:

I need a new computer really bad but I have no money, which is why it's so important for me to edit these stories and get them out already. I've been getting a lot of work done but it doesn't feel like it because I haven't shared any. I'm quitting pot because it freaks me out so I'll have the mind to write more, too.

Tonight I'm going to finish editing the second novella, pen a new short story, write a new chapter of the current book, and then edit more of Shadows New Edition. That sounds like a lot but it's not. Editing Shadows is hardest, even though it's a copy read to catch any final editing errors, and I'm not adding or changing anything substantial. It's hard reading my own books without judging them very harshly, and wanting to change stuff, but I can't because Shadows is done and published, and all I can do now is clean it up more and not totally rewrite lines.*

Anyway, I'm going to go eat something and play video games for an hour before I get to work, and maybe then I can figure out this whole author thing.

*Note Added Oct 12, 2019: I made myself laugh while rereading that. I definitely DID change a lot of lines and added 24k of new material, to a book that's already been published for 4 years now. I play by my own rules, lol.

Can I Cook or Not?

Today I got in a huge fight with my parents, and now my head is pounding. My best friend Kuma cheered me up a bit and comforted me, because they're awesome. And I've been listening to all the good new pop music to make myself feel better. Olivia O'Brien's new album is crazy. I also like the new Ashnikko song, and of course, Taylor Swift finally dropped her new single. I didn't like it at first but it's growing on me. She always picks bad lead singles anyway, then her albums have amazing deep cuts.

I made some beats in BandLab tonight that I really enjoy. I made like six songs and of those I think four have potential, so I wrote some lyrics for those to record later today once the sun is up and I'm home alone.

I want to move out really bad but I'm not sure I want to leave the country, I'm kind of too used to it even though it's inconvenient and spooky sometimes. I think cities are scarier because of inevitable societal collapse. I mean, I say inevitable, but I hope it's not, but all the climate change news and deforestation freaks me out. But if I lived in the city my neighbours would hear me singing, and that's awkward. Even though I do post some of my songs online, it's the final versions that I think sound decent enough to share. And even now I look back on many of those songs and cringe. But I still feel a compulsive need to make them, even if I'm too shy to sing when other people are around. Basically everything I do is a random compulsion though, so that's that.

I have a short story in the works I really don't want to finish. I'm just not in the mood to write more erotica tonight, but if I don't finish now I don't know if I ever will. (Note: since writing this I finished it. It was easy and fun, I was just being a drama queen.)

All I want to work on is the sequel to Storm of Masks. I have so many ideas for it and I feel genuinely inspired, but I have other things on my checklist first. To satiate myself I'll republish Storm of Masks sometime soon, since it's down right now. I'm very excited for these sequels. Each one ramps things up a step further, to crazy levels. I've got a few things to finish first though, and right now all I want to do is go play video games and be lazy.

First I'm going to eat more baked potatoes and salad though, because that's the only thing in the world I want right now. I don't know why I have such intense cravings for baked potatoes lately. It's probably that weird Tierra Whack music video for her song Unemployed. I just love the texture of the skins I think, they're super crispy and I drench them in butter and salt and pepper. Plus they're simple to cook and require like 3 tiny steps. If I have to put in effort in a dish I'm either going to burn it or ruin it some other way.

I disagree with my parents on a lot of things but they have finally convinced me I can't cook, so there's that, but I can make baked potatoes, and salad, and that's good enough for me.

Actually since I said that I cooked some honey garlic chicken and rice that my mom said looked good, and she told my brother I'm an awesome cook. So I think she's as indecisive as me. Maybe it depends on the day. I do burn stuff a lot but it's usually because I get stoned and forget I turned the oven on.

All The Books That Vanished

I was rereading old blog posts, and I realized I talked a lot about books that never materialized in the early days of this blog, and I want to clarify what's going on with those books and projects, so you all know, and so I can direct people with questions here in the future. So, here it is:

The Dark Divinity Trilogy/A Darkness So Divine: pending. Originally a novella trilogy, then it morphed into a novel. These stories will be published as Shine & Hex, the two new Lilac Jones novellas, once I finish them. Those will close out Lilac's story for good.

Mirror, I Am: cancelled. It was a paranormal novel I was meant to write with my cousin, but it fell through. She's not serious about writing or publishing and thinks of it as more of a hobby for now. I'm sure she'll do something with it someday, though. She wants to go back to school and she just had her first kid so for now her hands are tied.

The Indigo Horde: cancelled. I may cannibalize ideas from it for future novels, including the idea of the Indigo Horde itself, which was a giant group of monsters I came up with. It simply wasn't meant to be, and I started it four or five times before putting it on hold for books that were actually working for me.

Iceblood 2: pending. I will write and publish a sequel to Iceblood one day, but it has to be the right story at the right time. I really enjoy Iceblood but writing it was a hard task. Josmea is an intense, complicated fantasy world so it's a lot to keep track of. I want the sequel to be longer and a bit sexier, but I have no ideas yet. I tried several and scrapped them all, so now I'm waiting for a more natural premise to come along. The first was just 'lets rob a house' and I want the second to be more complicated, at least a little.

So that's what's been happening with those. I have a few projects on the way I can confirm, because they're actually done and just need a bit more editing, such as Ian's Fetish, A Twink in the Woods, and Just for Kicks. But I also have more serious paranormal stuff coming along if that's up your alley. It's just in certain stages where I don't want to say anything right now.