The 100 Novel Review

3.5 out of 5 stars rounded up! This was a lot of fun!

The 100 is one of my favorite tv shows. I've seen it at least three or four times, and I just started a new rewatch because I was looking for some comfort and nostalgia. Honestly it's one of the best sci-fi shows out there. And I enjoyed the first season of the show much more than this book, but it was still fun seeing another take on these characters; like when your teacher in elementary school tells everyone to draw a monster or a tree, so you can see how everybody executes the same ideas differently.

The show and novel were both the idea of an editor at Alloy Entertainment, and each were developed separately, at the same time. It's the same general idea: 100 delinquents are sent to earth from a space station, and must survive the ground and learn its secrets, while back on their station, infrastructure breaks down and things become more and more desperate and menacing.

The novel has its own neat surprises though. I enjoy Luke and Glass who are clearly variants of Finn and Raven, respectively. Octavia is a drug addict in the book, a plot that went to Clarke's mother Abbey in season 6 of the show, and funny enough, in the show it's partially Octavia who helps snap her out of it (although everyone else helps, including Jackson, who doesn't exist in the book.)

The 'criminal delinquents' are much tamer in the book, while the show amps up the Lord of The Flies shit to, well, to 100.

That said, I enjoyed Wells having a much expanded role, the love triangle between Clarke, Wells, and Bellamy, (she only has a platonic relationship with them in the show) and the different vibes on the Ark, which here in the novel is just The Colony.

Easily the best part of the book is Kass Morgan's use of short chapters that end with a barb to keep you hooked. I really enjoyed the threads of tension and glimpses at the backstories of each character, especially Clarke. Glass's past and actions were the most interesting to me and I was always rushing to get to the Clarke and Glass chapters, even though I liked Bellamy and Well's narration enough as well.

I kind of can't wait to read the next one, but it will have to wait, since I have way too many books on the go. That said I'm definitely going to continue this series. I loved this and it felt like high-quality fanfiction. That cliffhanger will kill me until I read the second installment! 

My Top 5 YA Standalones (Quarantine Reading List Edition!)

I've been eyeing ideas for a couple of different standalone novels recently and it's got me asking myself what I think constitutes a good standalone novel, what makes it more beneficial for a story to be a single piece rather than a series, etc.

In the process I've obviously been revisiting a lot of the standalones I've loved in the past. And I decided a few of them are a little too slept on by the bookish side of the internet.

So, here's my shoutout for my top 5 YA standalones that I think deserve more love. If you're trying to capitalize on your quarantine lockdown time to read more, here's a couple titles your TBR could benefit from meeting.

5: Daughter of Deep Silence by Carrie Ryan

Do you like revenge? Do you like mysteries? Do you like thrilling, dangerous situations involving rich, beautiful people and their shocking, dirty, blood-stained scandals? Do you enjoy a nice Old American lavish murder mystery aesthetic? If the answer to any of these questions is yes or veering in the general territory of yes, then hi! I have a book for you.

Daughter of Deep Silence is by the same author who wrote The Forest of Hands and Teeth, a popular YA zombie series known for being pretty darn brutal. Here she engages us with the tale of a girl named Frances who, after surviving a devastating terrorist massacre on a cruise ship, takes on the role of her dead friend Libby, with the help of Libby's father, in order to expose the cover-up and show the world the truth, while also taking her own revenge on the people responsible for the mass-murder she miraculously survived. After spending years away in Europe, Frances, now living as 'Libby' returns to America in the wake of her adoptive father's death in order to put their long-laid plans for revenge into play, starting with the senator leading the cover up, and his handsome young son, the only boy on their cruise who ever overlooked the glamorous Libby for the plain and shy Frances. Naturally, hard feelings ensue, as 'Libby' lies, sabotages, schemes, and poisons her way into their lives in an insane, desperate attempt to find the truth and avenge her mother and father, and the real Libby, no matter what it costs her...

Sound insane? Sound amazing? Sound like something you binge-read at 3AM with a flashlight while your power is out? It is. Believe me. Been there, done that. And it was so, so worth it. Pick up a copy of this glamorous book ASAP if you can. (Or order it online, because hey, social distancing.)

4: More Than This by Patrick Ness

More Than This is a mystery box of a novel I think it's best if you go into blind, so I won't spoil too much of the plot. Our main character is a teen boy who just died. Now he's woken up in his old neighborhood, although it seems abandoned and damaged, and the memories of his past that haunt him are his only company as he attempts to discover the truth about his current predicament.

Patrick Ness wrote the Dr. Who spin-off BBC's Class, which only got one season. I thought it was superb YA and I only watched it because of him and because of this novel. I'm not a huge WHO fan, but I'm a massive fan of Mr. Ness and his writing, all because of this book. I first read it when I'd been awake for 24-hours, and was planning to go to bed ASAP. I told myself I'd read a single chapter or two at the most, and ended up staying up and reading the whole book in two sittings. I had to put it down halfway through and go on a short walk because I was way too anxious over the plot and characters. Ness builds a ton of dread and tension by expertly unwinding multiple mysteries and narratives all at once, and it's honestly amazing to behold.

The vagueness of this book, the cover, the blurb, the John Green blurb on the cover, etc, all put me off of it for a while, but when I did eventually grab a copy and get into it, I was so glad I hadn't let my original reservations keep me away. This novel is YA gold and should be considered as such.

Also for those of you who like super gay stuff (as do I) it has LGBT+ content, and it's OwnVoices fiction, too, which is always nice! It's always rewarding to see a gay man get praised and be successful for writing gay male characters, since in the YA sphere, it's usually female authors leading the charge with gay/bi male content.

3: Origin by Jessica Khoury

Origin is the story of a girl named Pia who is immortal and impervious to all injury. Created by a group of dedicated scientists situated deep in the Amazon rainforest, she's the result of dubious genetic experiments and is sheltered, her information about the outside world censored, even as she is prepared to become a scientist in her own right and take over control of the laboratory one day. Once she sneaks out of her heavily guarded compound and meets a boy named Eio in the jungle, she begins to bond with him and his exploited indigenous tribe while they work to discover the hidden secrets of Pia's immortality.

Origin is a book that's close to my heart for various reasons, one being that I saw Jessica Khoury's posts on Query Boards back in 2011 or 2012. I knew of this novel before it was agented or published, and I loved watching her journey as an author. It's always nice to see somebody achieve their dreams and share in their excitement and enthusiasm. Another reason would be the happy memories I have attached to the book itself: in 2012 or 2013 just as I was about to start high school, I went school shopping with my mom one day, we took my dad's truck and went clothes and supplies shopping, it was a beautiful spring day and she let me peek inside the bookstore and pick something out for myself. I was immediately drawn to this book as I recognized the cover and I cherish it to this day as part of a fun, sunny memory with my mom. Which I should consider myself lucky for, considering Pia's mom? She's kind of a nightmare.

Pia's story is about rebellion, self-declaration, and loyalty to a cause, no matter what it costs you personally. I find it beautifully written - I know not everybody loves first-person, present-tense, but for me it's always been a personal favorite. From the mysterious compound and their hidden agendas, to the rush of first love between Pia and Eio, to the intense action scenes, I genuinely adore this novel.

Since its publication it's no longer technically a standalone; it has several 'companion' novels, but none of them are direct sequels, simply books set in the same world and genre about completely unrelated scenarios and characters. The sole connecting thread being the 'Corpus' company. Pia's story is just one of several in an anthology, so I think technically it can still be called a standalone, so I'm slapping it on here. It deserves it.

2: Tiger Lily by Jodi Lynn Anderson

It should be a crime to send your child to school like it's any normal old day after they've stayed up late reading this gem of a novel. Or at least that's what I would tell my own parents if they still listened to any of my insane ramblings. I read this in one night back when I was in middle school. No sleep that night, for sure. It was worth it, even though I was comatose the next day.

Tiger Lily is a novel that demands your attention and refuses to yield it until you've read it all. You can not simply 'pace yourself' with this one. It tells the story of Peter Pan and Tiger Lily, from the perspective of the fairy Tinker Bell. It rips out your heart unapologetically and stomps on it for fun, and it expects you to say thank you, and you should. I was hardly expecting a novel like this when I went into it, but Tiger Lily is that rare book that creeps up on you and takes you by surprise. It lives up to any and all hype; it's lyrical and lush, it's enchanting, like all fairy tales should be, and it reveals a dozen new sides to the story of Peter Pan and adds a new dimension to the life of this famous island and its inhabitants, from Hook to the Lost Boys, to Tink herself.

I have read a few other YA re-tellings/sequels/spin-offs of Peter Pan and I usually walk away disappointed. I ask myself why I even still do this and keep opening a can of worms I know is sour and gross as all hell. It's because of books like this, though, the kind there's no accounting for.

I think Anderson also deserves much credit for writing a firsthand account from a character who hardly speaks, can't properly communicate, etc. Tink is truly a silent witness and it's rare to see an author pull off a main character from a first-person POV like that with such grace. She was at the top of her game here, on every last page. We love to see it.

1: The Minnow by Diana Sweeney

The Minnow more than deserves the number one spot on this list. A heartbreaking, mature-skewered dark YA contemporary with lyrical prose and surrealist imagery, it features an orphaned main character whose hometown was the victim of a devastating flood. In the aftermath of this natural disaster she ekes out a living in a new world that she struggles to cope with, while attempting to balance visits with her aging grandmother who lives in a home and grappling with her own unexpected pregnancy by a much older man. A crystal clear glimpse into grief, trauma, small-town poverty, family ties, and the strength of a community, The Minnow is optimistic, but never naively so, and unrelentingly beautiful; a novel that reads like looking at stained glass feels.

I wasn't sure which genre this book was before I went into it initially; I'd received a copy on NetGalley and I figured the cover was lovely so I'd give it a try. I ended up discovering one of my favorite novels of all time.

The Minnow pulls zero punches, and it's best if you make peace with being heartbroken again and again before going in, because that's what you're in for. I can't stress enough how much I love this novel, the vivid world and characters, and the cutting voice Sweeney uses to illustrate the life of her main character. I think it's one of those desperately underrated books that could stand the test of time and become a classic, if only somebody would shine a light on it, so here I am, trying to do just that.

Thus concludes our (my) top-5! Comment below and tell me what your favorite YA standalone is, because I'd love to check out some more incredible books.

If you enjoyed this list you could always check out more of my content, or pick up a copy of my newest story, Faces in Weeds, a horror thriller set in the south! Get it here.

I'm Living in Some Type of Television

*Title from the song Show Me Yours by Trisha Paytas.

So all I've done for the past two days is work on this new story I don't want to talk about, and play Fortnite. I'm now officially trash. To be fair I also walked to our mailbox today but the only thing inside was a death threat/parking ticket reminder.

It was really nice outside, even though it was cold as hell. I wore combat boots instead of sneakers so I wasn't slipping on all the ice for once.

It's weirdly beautiful and, I guess, 'fresh' outside when it's winter and there's snow everywhere but it's still sunny. All the white snow and golden light combines and makes things look like some kind of a fantasy world.

Anyway, my walk was nice, but I'm sore all over. I'm probably ruining my back by sitting in all the weird positions I sit in. I made a blanket nest on the floor in a corner of my room and I've been retreating there more often than I want to admit even though I know it's really fudging up my back and shoulders, especially my neck. Oh well, though, it's comfy and I have no decent chairs and even if I did, I'd want to sit on the floor anyway because I'm a weirdo.

The truth is both my bed and my house in general are twisted and bent to hell. The entire world is warped.

I have no money to get a new bed, but even if I did I'd probably spend it on books...

So I have to deal with my back problems and I mostly do it by spraying my entire body with a muscle relaxant that has peppermint in it but honestly just smells like root beer. Like to a degree that it's weird. I think it's about time I give my body a break from the constant assault of coffee and weed I put it under, so I'm cutting those out for a couple days, hopefully, even though I already cut back on smoking. The truth is it helped with quiet a few things, so I guess that's a sign I should keep cutting back.

I'm one of those people who doesn't like to do what's good for me, though, and even when I finally relent and do it, I end up kicking and screaming the whole way.

In fact, it's probably why I'm writing this blog right now instead of writing my next book. To be fair, I only have a couple more chapters to write, because it's not actually a book, it's a novella, and I am in love with it, but I'm at the final fight scene and I always kind of hate the action scenes because as cool as they can be, I'm more interested in characters just talking and having feelings about each other, and it's also a scene where some reveals need to happen to most of the characters present, and a lot of different moving pieces are involved, and I'm not sure entirely if I'm wrapping it all up right. But it doesn't really matter, right? The first entry in a series doesn't even need to wrap much up, it mostly just needs to get you excited for the next one, and I think it will.

I actually wrote the first 10k words of this project all in one night, and I really had a lot of fun with it up to now, but I think I need to reread it all from the start and do some editing to re-familiarize myself with it before I hop back in and write the end.

I know 'they' say you shouldn't edit as you write, 'they' being the unseen council of art gods whose opinions get spread around the internet as fact, or the cold hard rules of writing, but I'm gonna go ahead and break that rules.

I've been hanging out playing video games and listening to the new Trisha Paytas EP all day. I was really hoping I'd get my new books in the mail, since some are supposed to come this week, but I don't think they'll get here until tomorrow some time, and I'm annoyed about it. I want those books! I've got the entire My Blood Approves series coming, both Hollows books, and Gumiho 1 (Wicked Fox) and I bought a box-set of the Splintered trilogy so I can have nice new paperbacks that actually match, because I haven't read book three and I hate that the copies of the first two I have don't match, one is paperback and the other is hardcover, and I prefer paperback, which I've been told I'm weird for by hardcover lovers, who are what we in the business of being awesome call haters. <__<

I'm already reading a ton of books including The Red Scrolls of Magic and Margaret Sthol's Black Widow book Forever Red (I also need its sequel, gah) because I want to get excited for Black Widow's solo movie. The trailer they just put out looks awesome.

I'm also considering rereading The Hunger Games because Fortnite really reminds me of it, lol. I haven't read those books in two or three years now, and I watched the trailers for their movies earlier and got really nostalgic.

Remember when we were all like a hundred years younger and The Hunger Games was first blowing up, and the first movie had just come out in theaters?

Damn, we are old.

That said Suzanne Collins is coming to save western society with another book in that world, so hey, maybe the Gods who run the simulation haven't abandoned us yet at all!

Anyway I will leave you with the promise of new links and new covers for new titles next time I post! I'm not letting myself write another blog until I write my damn novella! I'm probably going to go back on what I said about quitting coffee, aren't I? I know I am.

- XOXO, your local insane indie author who is definitely NOT Gossip Girl, I swear

Rich Bitche$ Don't Die

Can we talk about how iconic Iggy Azalea's new EP is?

It's a bop.

I've also been listening to a lot of Sky Ferreira's cover of Voices Carry;

Truly iconic! She needs to put out a new album pronto. I do appreciate that the photo she used for this track is totally taken from Huji Cam, because, damn, do I relate. That app saved my life. (And aesthetic. Which is arguably more important.)

Honestly I've been putting off writing for days to work on music. I'm working on a novella about gargoyles right now, but God knows when that will be out. I still fully intend to publish the new edition of Souls of Salt and Seawater this month, and update the current edition of Shadows with a clean, firmer round of edits. However I probably won't be able to put out the special edition of Shadows until next month.

It's pesky to wait, I know, but I'm juggling a lot and I don't want it to feel rushed or sloppy. These characters deserve better.

I have so much cool shit I wanna put out, but it's hard to keep up a constant work rhythm.

Or maybe I'm just making excuses for myself >.>

I wanted to put out the second Shadows novel before 2019, but it will probably come out in like mid-2019, I'm not going to lie. Which is disappointing, but again, these books deserve better than me rushing and being sloppy. I rushed out Storm of Masks early because I felt a big pressure to be more prolific and now I'm stuck in the boat of rewriting it entirely. And it will be a better book because of it, but it's embarrassing that the old version saw the light of day. Lesson learned.

In the next couple of months after revitalizing some old titles, my focus will be on hammering out a bunch of novellas and short stories. Like dozens of each. And I'm going to sit on every last one of them for at least a month and a half before putting them out.

So that's what's happening work-wise.

On the other side of things I've been doing my usual; vegging out, obsessing over the internet, drinking too much coffee, worrying about how it will affect my health, ignoring said worries to make even more coffee. You know. The works.

Honestly the other night I almost died, because I stumbled across a video of Michelle Buteau on YouTube and was almost shook enough to perish.

I hate standup comedy. It's just not my brand of humor and it doesn't help that most of my exposure to it had been watching really old white men just say straight up offensive things and then act like they made a joke. Which is stupid. And I'm into dark and/or racy humor, I like when people poke the bear and pull stunts, it's just those other comedians try to do it and it falls flat.

Then they cry about the PC police when really...it's just not that funny. Joke about race/sexuality/gender if you want, but make it entertaining or do something unique with it, you know?

Michelle does that. Her set was so good. When she called herself Raven Raven-Symoné I deadass had to pause the video because I was cackling too hard.

Her Dutch in-laws sound hilarious and her set was endearing and cute enough that the risks she took with more edgelord material didn't come across as hollow or trying too hard. It balanced out well and it just works. Plus she has a great personality and presence so she owns whatever she's doing--including when a joke bombs. Which, really NONE of the jokes should have bombed, but the audience was clearly shocked and didn't know what they were getting into with her, which makes it even funnier, because she gives zero fucks and makes it clear.

Obviously I immediately went and followed her on Instagram. Which, again, is weird for me, because I HATE standup comedy, and that's most of what she does for a living.

I just finished reading a short gay romance novella I downloaded the other day, and now I'm reading an m/m fantasy novel, and it's freaking wild. It's called Slave by Kate Aaron, and it's exactly what it sounds like; a slave in a fantasy world who is the only surviving member of his nomadic clan rescues another slave (a captured soldier from another country) from an auction by buying him to keep him out of the hands of more cruel, sadistic masters who want to rape and/or torture him to death.

So the main character is jealous of this new slave because he wants to continue being their masters favorite, and the new slave wants no part of any of it, except he kind of does because he comes from a homophobic country where men aren't even supposed to touch outside of fighting, and he may or may not be falling for the main character.

It's m/m/m between the two of them and their master and I'm honestly not sure how I feel about it? Like, slavery is BIG BAD. And the author kind of acknowledges that? But in a way that's like "Yeah slavery is bad, but our personal experience as slaves is cool because we kind of got lucky, so let's ignore all the iffy moral asides and focus on the romance, kay?"

I don't love that approach. And I'd like the world itself to be expanded on more.

HOWEVER. It seems like the sequels will get a little more political and ramp up the fantasy elements over the gay sex elements? And also develop their master further, which is good, since he's the only character of the three I don't love or understand so far, so him winning me over in any way would make his literal legal owning of these two other humans a lot more palatable? Because as it is I don't trust him? I mean I don't think he's /evil/ or would hurt them, but he's kind of ignorant of their situation and experiences?

Either way, the prose is quick and concise and the character dynamics are interesting. It's mostly a character study with fantasy window dressing. Which I'm cool with, I guess.

Anyway I'm going to wrap this up because I have way too much to do to keep blogging, but I may post again later today with some special stuff! 

Thanks for reading!

Check out my books here.

Down In Atlantis

If I haven't been blogging as much as I want to lately, it's only because I'm trying to break out of my weird writer's block. I have plenty of projects to work on, but I'm not sure if I'm in the right place, so I have to force myself to sit down and hammer out words every day, and most days I'm only hitting 500 or so before I call it quits. For comparison, I usually hit 4k a day at least while I'm in the middle of a project.

But that's not what's really depressing me. The fact that nothing ever changes has been what's depressing me. The fact that I live in the middle of nowhere with little human contact is what's been depressing me.

At least now it's summer. I deactivated my Facebook the other night, and I think I'm going to spend a lot of the next two months taking daily walks down to the river or other nice little areas around my house.

Back in summer 2015 me and Kuma were out running the roads a lot, and it felt like where I was supposed to be and everything was okay and the future looked good, so I'm trying to get back to that, because lately most days when I picture my future there's nothing but suicide or a big black blur. We walked to a nearby lake one day back then, and it took three hours but it was so worth it.

And now I can't believe it's been two whole years, that it's 2017, and I'm in the same place. We were planning so many big things back then that never happened, and I'm worried to let myself start living or planning things again when I know that those hopes might just crumble too.

I'm trying to keep my head down and work my way through whatever this funk is, and at least come out on the other side of it with a heightened wordcount. But it's been hard.

Which is why this blog has been drying up.

That, and I spend most of my days inside, sitting at the same spot, and don't have much to talk about. Like I said, though - winter is gone, and with the nice weather here maybe I won't be such a hermit.

Another big problem that keeps me from, you know, being me, is that every day I convince myself I'm dying of a terrible disease. I wake up like, "Oh my god, I think I have bone cancer!" And everybody else is like, "Kai, shut the fuck up."

And they are probably right.

But logic does not apply to the mass of writhing black gunk, toxins, and mental illness that is my brain. Meaning I spend my day imagining symptoms and worrying for nothing.

Or maybe I'm right, and one day soon I'll keel over of some undiagnosed monster tumor or something and you'll all be like, "We should have listened!" Either way, we're all cool. I am at peace with the void. Or if not peace, then like, a level of familiarity where the void and I could go shopping together without a third friend to be the buffer and it wouldn't be awkward, you know?

#TightWithTheVoid

Outside of all the gross personal stuff, I've been drinking as much coffee as I was before I said I wanted to try quitting caffeine. I'm still sleeping weird hours. I'm still outlining more projects than I can possibly write.

My brother really wants me to go see his new house, to the extent that he's holding my birthday gift hostage there, but I honestly never get a chance to go. I probably won't go until he gets a dog, and then I'll never go back again because I'm not welcome, because I tried to steal his dog, even though I have three of my own.

Although we may have to put our dog, Kota, down--she's really old, and her back legs are going and have been getting worse and worse for months.

Honestly, once I move out on my own I don't think I'll own pets. If I do, it will be like, a goldfish or two. That's it. Animals get too close to you and then they die. And they shed all over your house and keep you sneezing daily.

I'd love a little puggle, but I don't think I'd be a good pet owner on my own. Especially in the city...I wouldn't want to walk a dog at like 3 in the morning in the winter months. Plus I have strings of days where I don't shower, or brush my teeth, and I can't get out of bed, and I walk around in three-day-old pajamas with tangled hair and hiss at anybody who tries to talk to me. I don't know if the responsibility would be great for me, and I'm not one of those people who thinks the mere presence of a furry body is going to magically induce a cure for my mental illness or personal problems.

I think most animals are a lot of work, and I'm still trying to work out how to exist as a human, let alone a responsible adult. So. No pets. If I can show the self-restraint not to impulse buy a rabbit or some shit...

Aside from the threat of me someday coming home with a tortoise or a hamster I don't know how to properly care for, the most pressing issue for me has been my lack of finished work. We're just under halfway through the year and I still haven't finished a single book. I've barely done any work on the new edition of Iceblood, I just realized that Deadheart is going to be a four book saga instead of a duology (if I want to do the story justice, at least) and I'm feeling overwhelmed.

I also haven't been reading much at all, because nothing can catch my attention. Last night I finally gave up and started rereading Switched by Amanda Hocking, which is an old comfort read. (I think I've read the Trylle Trilogy six times since the first time I finished them in eighth grade, honestly.)

There really is never enough time. Especially not when I spend it blogging instead of peeing, making more coffee, or writing a chapter, all of which I have to do right now. So that's that.

Later :)

Where Was I?

Wondering where I've been? Well, here's a list of things I've been doing in lieu of blogging:

• Editing Shadows of Ourselves and making it available for pre-order
• Giving Blood of Midnight a new editing pass
• Finishing up the paperback stuff for Souls of Salt & Seawater
• Drafting Dreamwalker, which you can find on Goodreads here
• Reading the new Sarah J. Maas book and crying
• Getting a new bedroom door (my old one was broken)
• Starting to take prozac
• Enjoying the fact that spring is here
• generally living life

I've gotten a bunch of work done in the past few weeks, but I've barely been blogging at all. I probably should've kept up with it better, but Shadows of Ourselves (pre-order it here!) was taking up all of my energy.

I also designed the cover for Tears of Sunrise, the sequel to Blood of Midnight. I really love it. Once the newly edited version of BOM is up, I'll be putting out a new cover for Scars of Dusk, too.

Right now I haven't finished the editing pass, yet. It's nothing major, just cleaning up grammatical and spelling errors that slipped by in previous edits and making a few things clearer. If you've already read it, the changes in the new edition won't be too big - there are new paragraphs, here and there, and new lines, but no new scenes or chapters. Just general confirmation of a few things I didn't make clear enough, and generally tightening the manuscript.

The blurb for the sequel is also up, and I want to start drafting it as soon as possible so I can share the covers. The verb tense in this one has changed, and so has the protagonist - though Dru and Lilac will be featured heavily, it's an anthology series, so the stories also stand on their own.

My word count goal for this one is around 35 to 40 thousand words, and my goal for Dreamwalker is roughly the same, so I'm going to try to make Dreamseeker the same length.

Anyway, if you'd like a review copy of Shadows of Ourselves, feel free to hit me up in the comments of at ApolloBlake@mail.com!

It's All Good

Here's a list of some songs I'm listening to while editing:

• Just One Yesterday by Fall Out Boy
• Too Much by Pale
• Jinx by DNCE
• Mirrors by PVRIS
• Make a Shadow by Meg Morris

I also have Lemonade playing on repeat, but my favorites are Daddy Lessons, Don't Hurt Yourself, and Six Inch.

It's all good as long as I'm getting work done.

Which, you know, I am. When I'm not reading. I just went through a really big reading slump and I'm starting to get out of it. I just devoured the last Lunar Chronicles book, which pissed me off, because it introduce the first canon gay character of the series as a nameless throwaway who preyed on a straight lead with mind illusions. Not really cool. It was still a great book, though, I just get annoyed at how a lot of straight authors write about us sometimes, especially when they just don't write about us at all, like we don't exist.

On the more positive end of the spectrum, I picked up Cut Both Ways by Carrie Mesrobian again and I'm gonna finish it soon. I bought it a while back because I wanted a book with boys kissing boys, and this had that, plus a really pretty cover.

I have like ten books on the go right now and stacks and stacks of them around my room. I just finished Unchanged by Heather Crews as an ebook and now I'm reading her new book, Pshcopomp, which has been really good so far.

I'm probably going to do an Indie Pick spotlight on that or something, or see if I can interview her for the blog, because I love her work. She has some free short stories about vampires I'd really recommend reading, but since I've been loving this book (which is futuristic dystopian kind of deal) so much, I made a graphic for it:

I think the protagonist might actually be a white girl, or at least half white, but I was picturing her as afro-latino, with really good hair, like above, so. Yolo.

This book is really aesthetic, and I love aesthetic, so you can, and should, get it here. I'll warn you though, it gets pretty dark. (Trigger warning for physical and sexual abuse/rape.) But all the darkness is handled pretty well and not, like, glossed over.

Aside from that I've been rereading snippets of Ink by Amanda Sun, Extraction by Stephanie Diaz, and Lady Midnight, by Cassandra Clare.

Sometimes I like to pick things I've been through, even several times, off of the shelf and just read a few passages.

Sometimes I do it for one passage and end up rereading an entire book. That's just how I roll, though.

Instrumental Obligations and Lacking Magic

This past Christmas, I received a guitar. To be clear, I mentioned wanting a guitar once, about seven or eight months before the holiday, as a throwaway thing that I never - never - expected to get. But I did. And I have to learn it.

Why? Because it was expensive and my parents were happy they were able to get me something I asked for, and I feel guilty ever day that passes without me learning it.

Back in tenth grade I started to learn as part of a music course I hadn't even passed the pre-req course to get into, and was only in because they had no other place for me that block, but in the end I lost what little I picked up and spent most of the time in the course fooling around. I was never a good student, but it was still one of my favourite classes. I used to have dreams of being able to plop down on the sidewalk uptown and play and be able to earn some quick cash, or being able to romance some musician guy through my sheer instrumental bad-assery.

Now I will settle for learning the chords to a couple of pop songs to placate my parents and make myself feel like this gift was not a total loss on me.

This isn't even the first time I've failed to learn an instrument - the one I'm honestly in love with, and always has been, is the piano - but I failed to learn to play keyboard in ninth grade, as well.

Okay, I didn't entirely fail - I learned a bit of Seven Devils, by Florence and the Machine, but it quickly fell apart and now I have no idea what I'm looking at when I sit down at a keyboard.

The thing is, I'm not sure I have the passion in me to develop another love like that. My love for things I used to enjoy - reading books, walking, partying, socializing, art (both digital and traditional) has all been slowly but steadily fading away over the past year, and it's been a struggle to get back into it.

I had a really bright (challenging, but bright) spot for a while, back when I was working and earning money and I felt productive, but my seasonal was coming to an end and they decided not to keep me on after it did, and after I stopped working I went into a downward spiral.

I'm hoping once I'm in school every day it will get better, and being out and getting things done everyday will be beneficial, but at the same time, I'm skeptical. I'm always skeptical when someone says something might offer some form of happiness of fulfillment these days. Because I know how it feels, have been through it time and time again, to start to feel yourself resemble a fully formed human being again only to have that happiness and stability and sense of identity start to slip away from you again.

But, at the same time, if I don't try, there's just the guilt. So I've been doing it, very, very slowly, with other things. I went for a walk a few evenings ago, even though it was snowing, because I knew I needed to get out or I would lose my mind. I've been working my way through a few books, trying to gain momentum in my reading life again. I recently finished The King's Games and Language Lessons, by Amanda Hocking and Jay Bell, respectively, and I actually fell in love with the Magicians, by Lev Grossman, although it may have made my depressive state a bit worse, if I'm being honest. It's a bleak book.

Soon I need to get back into language practice and try picking up this guitar for the first time.

I don't know, I suppose it feels like my life has stalled and nothing is happening, every day is the same, and I'm very isolated. A lot of old friendships simply dwindled into nothing once I left school, and it just feels like the magic has drained out of everything.

But at the same time, I know that it is up to me to seek out happiness. Nothing might change if I go for it, but if I don't there's not even that tiny chance.

So I'm trying to perk up. And in the meantime I'm trying to pick up on my workload and get more things out there. I've been looking at different marketing tactics and options to get my books out there, and, I don't know, it all seems really difficult and . . . well, ineffective.

Like, I had a LibraryThing Giveaway where I sent out twenty copies of Frenzy in exchange for reviews, and got zero reviews. I made the book free on Kindle for several days, and scours of people downloaded it, but it only got one new rating. It was a five-star rating, which was very nice, but it was still one rating, and no reviews. With Souls of Salt & Seawater, I figured things would be different - why? The book was born of reader demand. I had 200 followers on Tumblr, when I wrote a single one-off scene in response to a prompt on my dash, and almost overnight my blog grew to over 900 followers and I had dozens of people demanding I write a full story, or put a book out. And I love mermaids, so I did. And I sent out free copies, and ran a free promotion on Kindle, and again, easily over a hundred downloads, and zero ratings, zero reviews.

To be absolutely honest, I don't even need my books to sell well. I would be perfectly happy finding another source of income. But I do want my books to be read. I could care less about the money, as long as they foster discussion. As long as there's feedback.

All writers crave feedback. But there isn't any, and it's hard to gain any, because not only am I an indie author, I'm an unknown indie author. Not many people have taken a chance on my work, since they have no idea who I am, and nobody is going to take a chance on it until someone else does, so me and my work are both trapped in this eternal waiting phase.

To be honest, I'm trapped in waiting phases in most aspects/areas of my life, so I'm used to it, and I don't really expect anything else at this point, but it would be nice if things could start happening. 'Cause at this point, even if they were bad things, they would still be better than this insufferable monotony that's taken over my existence.

So, that's where I've been at, lately, and that's partially why I haven't been posting here - because there's really nothing to post about. And not a lot of people read this blog.

As soon as that changes, I will probably be posting a lot more than I do now, which is already quite a bit, considering that most of my posts get few to no views. 

I like you a lot, so I do what you want~

I've been listening to a lot of Lana Del Rey lately. I mean, I always listen to a lot of Lana Del Rey, but I've largely been ignoring the existence of Music To Watch Boys To so now I'm making up for it by watching it on repeat. To be clear, I think Lana Del Rey has really racist tendencies towards First Nations people and Mexicans, and needs a damn wake up call, but problematic tendencies aside, her music is fucking incredible.

Aside from that I've been working a bunch - but not as much as I could have, because it was Christmas, and then New Years, and a lot of crazy stuff happened, and it didn't leave much time for writing. . .

Mostly, I've been taking selfies. Wouldn't you, though, if you had these eyebrows?

Okay, I swear I'm not actually this vain (or am I?) but I'm trying to write more blog posts this year, and catalogue more memories, and photos count as memories. I'm actually kind of obsessed with taking photos of things, be they meals, people, objects, rooms, views, myself - whatever - that are in my life, because I have this fear that I'll get old and not remember anything about my life/youth and be sad and lonely, but that won't happen if I have photos of it all.

Except, it might still, because I could forget about the photos, too. Who knows? What I do know is that alzheimer's runs in my family, and my Grandmother can't remember what she said five minutes ago or what she had for breakfast, and it worries me. So.

More blog posts. And more selfies.

In other news, I'm getting ready to revise Things We Saw at Midnight and release the second edition. It's going to have a tighter copy-editing, obviously, but I'll also probably change/tighten a few scenes and maybe even add others in? I'm not sure how much I want to change, but not many people have read it, so I don't feel too bad toying around with it. Plus, the idea of an ever-changing book that each reader has different memories of does sound very Midnight City.

On the topic of books, I have a new rule where I'm only allowed to work on one at a time, until it's published - so no drafting one while editing two or editing more than one at a time. Which means that as is, I'm only focused on editing Sosas and putting that out. After that, it's Mirror, I Am, - which I'm co-writing with Winter Rose - and then Shadows, and it's sequels.

I really want to release at least four or five books this year, so I have to get on the fast track and really dedicate myself - but I am dealing with school on top of that.

Right now, though, the stress isn't bad. Kuma (in case you don't know, Kuma is my illustrious and creative bestie, and I'll be mentioning her a lot, so, you know, remember who she is!) is staying with me right now, and we're getting groceries later today before spending hours playing video games, watching movies, and drawing. My brother and his girlfriend are coming over sometime, too, but that won't be until this evening.

The key to not feeling guilty about this day of fun? I already got my work for the day done. I'll probably get another patch of editing in later, but for now I'm happy with my work today.

In working on my newest projects I've been rereading Rachel Aaron's 2K to 10K again and again. It's the best writing advice book I've ever read, but it focuses on thought-training and productivity strategy. It's really helpful, and has revolutionized the way I write and edit. This is how I've drafted manuscripts in eleven and fourteen days - drafting your entire novel in such a short time feels like fucking flying. Once you read this book, you won't go back. I'm not even getting paid to plug it - that's just how much I like it.

Which means I'll probably like her fiction books, too - right? I have another 100 book reading challenge this year, and this time I really want to finish it. I did in 2014, but in 2015 I only got 70 something. So, yeah, I'll be checking out some Rachel Aaron novels.

But the focus is mainly on writing this year. Winter came to my house on boxing day and stayed for two days, and we spent half that time brainstorming and outlining Mirror, I am, building up our mythology and characters. I have a Pinterest Board for my half of the book, and you should definitely check that out! In case you didn't know, I fucking love Pinterest, and I have boards for a lot of my projects, so you should follow me there!

But yeah, Mirror, I am is gonna be fun. Tansy and Arie each have very unique, distinct voices, yet their stories are both about loss and searching for answers and finding your power. There's a lot of magic in this book, but the focus is on the people using it and the hearts beating in their chests. It's very human. I'm excited to share it.

But I can't. Yet. So, here, have a quote instead:

So, yeah. There's a new tab for it at the top of the blog, and the page has Goodreads links so you can add it to your shelves and follow Winter!

And I'll leave you with this:

The Indigo Horde & You

I have a new book out that I'm serializing on Wattpad over the course of the next ten or eleven days. It's an urban fantasy called The Indigo Horde about a private detective, some monster hunters, and a very steamy romance. You can read it free here.

But enough of self-promotion. Because today what I actually want to talk about is art. And not the usual type of art I talk about. Nope: it ain't about writing today. I'm talking visual art.

Specifically? Sketching.

The year ends in like, twelve or so days and I still haven't finished filling up my sketchbook. I have so many empty pages, I'm thinking of lugging it around with me for the rest of the month and just sketching everything I see to fill it up. I hate letting empty pages go to waste, but as soon as the year ends, so does my work in this sketchbook. I'll have to put it on the shelf and grab a new one. Which I will hopefully use more.

Also not complete? My 2015 reading challenge. I wanted to read 100 books, and I've only finished 71 so far. Not bad at all, but still not my goal. That said, I'm proud of myself, because on top of reading 71 books this year, I wrote a few too.

1) Shadows
2) Souls of Salt & Seawater
3) Things We Saw At Midnight
4) Blood of Midnight

As far as 2015 goes, I'm happy. I think I grew a lot, learned a lot more about myself, and I like where I am, and who I am as a person. There are things I want to work on and accomplish, but overall, I'm proud of myself and all the growth I've gone through this year. I've changed a lot. I've also just become more myself in some ways. It has been a long year, to be clear. I've gone through a lot of heartbreak and a lot of joy. I traveled further than I've ever gone before, I got my first tattoo, I ended an eight-year friendship, I grew in confidence, got my first day job in years, and really began to make some headway with my mental illness. I am both terrified and horribly excited for next year.

And for Christmas. Because I finally finished my shopping. A lot of people got candles and books, a few got other things, but for the most part it was easy this year. And now that it's done I can relax without stressing.

Like tonight I watched Crimson Peak, finally, with my parents, and I didn't spend the entire time wondering what to buy my extended family for the holidays. And, y'know, I got to stare at Tom Hiddleston's but, which is always a plus.

So, yeah, things are good, and always looking up. I hope it's been a great year for you guys too, and I hope the last few days of it continue to be positive. I'll have more posts up before new years (I never shut up, do I?) along with more chapters of the Indigo Horde, but until then, I'll leave you with this gem: