Wednesday 22 July 2020

A Day in The Life

All I've done today is stress out, wash dishes, play FortNite, stress out some more, and do a brief blurb for a new book I'm going to start working on. Or I guess I already started working on it. The problem is I'm pretty sure I have a brain tumor, I can't afford an MRI, and I have to make an appointment at a free clinic tomorrow so I can get a referral, which might take months, and in the meantime my head feels inflamed, I've been getting worse and worse cluster headaches for weeks now, and I'm constantly terrified or frustrated about it all. I hope I can actually get into the clinic I have my eye on tomorrow because I don't have a family doctor who can refer me.

I'd ideally like to pay the almost $800 bucks to get a quick MRI done but instead I'll be on a waiting list for like eight weeks which is another whole nightmare because I don't know if I can even survive that long. I keep telling myself a lot of brain tumors (most) I think, are benign, but I have a lot of death anxiety and it isn't helping.

I also have anxiety about the clinic in general, like they won't believe me or will try to give me the runaround, but I'm also reminding myself not to buy into the idea of the worst-case scenario. I'll remember to wear a mask, I'll write a list about my symptoms beforehand, and I'll tell them about previous head-trauma I have in the same area of my skull that could be affecting my current situation. I can do that. It's a simple collection of tasks. But my mind likes to break it all up, make it seem more daunting than it is, and convinces me the entire world is against me, and that it's all coming to an end at every moment.

I tried to distract myself a little this a afternoon by playing video games; I spent a couple bucks I shouldn't have on the Yellowjacket pack on FortNite because I have very little self-control and I know it's a limited time pack before the next bundle replaces it. I got the pink-hooded one from last season, I think it's called Iiris? And Yellowjacket is a better skin, but I wasn't going to buy her until I saw her new all-black style option. It felt like more of a skin I'd wear as a main and I couldn't help it. I do think they'll put out a few more style options for her anyway, especially since she seems to be so popular, so it might be worth it in the long-run. To me she looks weirdly like Selena Gomez, but I might just be imaging things.

I'm going to go and wrestle myself up some dinner, because I have no idea what kind of food we have here. I put out chicken earlier but I probably won't make that until tomorrow, so I might need to make new plans. I've gotta make more healthy choices because my body is like, begging me for some vegetables. I can't keep eating rice, salty noodles, and junk food, that's for sure.

I can hopefully get some work done today on this new project that I truly think is going to do well. I hope. Because I want the money. And the reviews. It's more fun writing when people actually have something to say about it. :)


Friday 3 July 2020

My Top 5 YA Standalones (Quarantine Reading List Edition!)

I've been eyeing ideas for a couple of different standalone novels recently and it's got me asking myself what I think constitutes a good standalone novel, what makes it more beneficial for a story to be a single piece rather than a series, etc.

In the process I've obviously been revisiting a lot of the standalones I've loved in the past. And I decided a few of them are a little too slept on by the bookish side of the internet.

So, here's my shoutout for my top 5 YA standalones that I think deserve more love. If you're trying to capitalize on your quarantine lockdown time to read more, here's a couple titles your TBR could benefit from meeting.

5: Daughter of Deep Silence by Carrie Ryan


Do you like revenge? Do you like mysteries? Do you like thrilling, dangerous situations involving rich, beautiful people and their shocking, dirty, blood-stained scandals? Do you enjoy a nice Old American lavish murder mystery aesthetic? If the answer to any of these questions is yes or veering in the general territory of yes, then hi! I have a book for you.

Daughter of Deep Silence is by the same author who wrote The Forest of Hands and Teeth, a popular YA zombie series known for being pretty darn brutal. Here she engages us with the tale of a girl named Frances who, after surviving a devastating terrorist massacre on a cruise ship, takes on the role of her dead friend Libby, with the help of Libby's father, in order to expose the cover-up and show the world the truth, while also taking her own revenge on the people responsible for the mass-murder she miraculously survived. After spending years away in Europe, Frances, now living as 'Libby' returns to America in the wake of her adoptive father's death in order to put their long-laid plans for revenge into play, starting with the senator leading the cover up, and his handsome young son, the only boy on their cruise who ever overlooked the glamorous Libby for the plain and shy Frances. Naturally, hard feelings ensue, as 'Libby' lies, sabotages, schemes, and poisons her way into their lives in an insane, desperate attempt to find the truth and avenge her mother and father, and the real Libby, no matter what it costs her...

Sound insane? Sound amazing? Sound like something you binge-read at 3AM with a flashlight while your power is out? It is. Believe me. Been there, done that. And it was so, so worth it. Pick up a copy of this glamorous book ASAP if you can. (Or order it online, because hey, social distancing.)

4: More Than This by Patrick Ness


More Than This is a mystery box of a novel I think it's best if you go into blind, so I won't spoil too much of the plot. Our main character is a teen boy who just died. Now he's woken up in his old neighborhood, although it seems abandoned and damaged, and the memories of his past that haunt him are his only company as he attempts to discover the truth about his current predicament.

Patrick Ness wrote the Dr. Who spin-off BBC's Class, which only got one season. I thought it was superb YA and I only watched it because of him and because of this novel. I'm not a huge WHO fan, but I'm a massive fan of Mr. Ness and his writing, all because of this book. I first read it when I'd been awake for 24-hours, and was planning to go to bed ASAP. I told myself I'd read a single chapter or two at the most, and ended up staying up and reading the whole book in two sittings. I had to put it down halfway through and go on a short walk because I was way too anxious over the plot and characters. Ness builds a ton of dread and tension by expertly unwinding multiple mysteries and narratives all at once, and it's honestly amazing to behold.

The vagueness of this book, the cover, the blurb, the John Green blurb on the cover, etc, all put me off of it for a while, but when I did eventually grab a copy and get into it, I was so glad I hadn't let my original reservations keep me away. This novel is YA gold and should be considered as such.

Also for those of you who like super gay stuff (as do I) it has LGBT+ content, and it's OwnVoices fiction, too, which is always nice! It's always rewarding to see a gay man get praised and be successful for writing gay male characters, since in the YA sphere, it's usually female authors leading the charge with gay/bi male content.

3: Origin by Jessica Khoury


Origin is the story of a girl named Pia who is immortal and impervious to all injury. Created by a group of dedicated scientists situated deep in the Amazon rainforest, she's the result of dubious genetic experiments and is sheltered, her information about the outside world censored, even as she is prepared to become a scientist in her own right and take over control of the laboratory one day. Once she sneaks out of her heavily guarded compound and meets a boy named Eio in the jungle, she begins to bond with him and his exploited indigenous tribe while they work to discover the hidden secrets of Pia's immortality.

Origin is a book that's close to my heart for various reasons, one being that I saw Jessica Khoury's posts on Query Boards back in 2011 or 2012. I knew of this novel before it was agented or published, and I loved watching her journey as an author. It's always nice to see somebody achieve their dreams and share in their excitement and enthusiasm. Another reason would be the happy memories I have attached to the book itself: in 2012 or 2013 just as I was about to start high school, I went school shopping with my mom one day, we took my dad's truck and went clothes and supplies shopping, it was a beautiful spring day and she let me peek inside the bookstore and pick something out for myself. I was immediately drawn to this book as I recognized the cover and I cherish it to this day as part of a fun, sunny memory with my mom. Which I should consider myself lucky for, considering Pia's mom? She's kind of a nightmare.

Pia's story is about rebellion, self-declaration, and loyalty to a cause, no matter what it costs you personally. I find it beautifully written - I know not everybody loves first-person, present-tense, but for me it's always been a personal favorite. From the mysterious compound and their hidden agendas, to the rush of first love between Pia and Eio, to the intense action scenes, I genuinely adore this novel.

Since its publication it's no longer technically a standalone; it has several 'companion' novels, but none of them are direct sequels, simply books set in the same world and genre about completely unrelated scenarios and characters. The sole connecting thread being the 'Corpus' company. Pia's story is just one of several in an anthology, so I think technically it can still be called a standalone, so I'm slapping it on here. It deserves it.

2: Tiger Lily by Jodi Lynn Anderson


It should be a crime to send your child to school like it's any normal old day after they've stayed up late reading this gem of a novel. Or at least that's what I would tell my own parents if they still listened to any of my insane ramblings. I read this in one night back when I was in middle school. No sleep that night, for sure. It was worth it, even though I was comatose the next day.

Tiger Lily is a novel that demands your attention and refuses to yield it until you've read it all. You can not simply 'pace yourself' with this one. It tells the story of Peter Pan and Tiger Lily, from the perspective of the fairy Tinker Bell. It rips out your heart unapologetically and stomps on it for fun, and it expects you to say thank you, and you should. I was hardly expecting a novel like this when I went into it, but Tiger Lily is that rare book that creeps up on you and takes you by surprise. It lives up to any and all hype; it's lyrical and lush, it's enchanting, like all fairy tales should be, and it reveals a dozen new sides to the story of Peter Pan and adds a new dimension to the life of this famous island and its inhabitants, from Hook to the Lost Boys, to Tink herself.

I have read a few other YA re-tellings/sequels/spin-offs of Peter Pan and I usually walk away disappointed. I ask myself why I even still do this and keep opening a can of worms I know is sour and gross as all hell. It's because of books like this, though, the kind there's no accounting for.

I think Anderson also deserves much credit for writing a firsthand account from a character who hardly speaks, can't properly communicate, etc. Tink is truly a silent witness and it's rare to see an author pull off a main character from a first-person POV like that with such grace. She was at the top of her game here, on every last page. We love to see it.

1: The Minnow by Diana Sweeney


The Minnow more than deserves the number one spot on this list. A heartbreaking, mature-skewered dark YA contemporary with lyrical prose and surrealist imagery, it features an orphaned main character whose hometown was the victim of a devastating flood. In the aftermath of this natural disaster she ekes out a living in a new world that she struggles to cope with, while attempting to balance visits with her aging grandmother who lives in a home and grappling with her own unexpected pregnancy by a much older man. A crystal clear glimpse into grief, trauma, small-town poverty, family ties, and the strength of a community, The Minnow is optimistic, but never naively so, and unrelentingly beautiful; a novel that reads like looking at stained glass feels.

I wasn't sure which genre this book was before I went into it initially; I'd received a copy on NetGalley and I figured the cover was lovely so I'd give it a try. I ended up discovering one of my favorite novels of all time.

The Minnow pulls zero punches, and it's best if you make peace with being heartbroken again and again before going in, because that's what you're in for. I can't stress enough how much I love this novel, the vivid world and characters, and the cutting voice Sweeney uses to illustrate the life of her main character. I think it's one of those desperately underrated books that could stand the test of time and become a classic, if only somebody would shine a light on it, so here I am, trying to do just that.

Thus concludes our (my) top-5! Comment below and tell me what your favorite YA standalone is, because I'd love to check out some more incredible books.

If you enjoyed this list you could always check out more of my content, or pick up a copy of my newest story, Faces in Weeds, a horror thriller set in the south! Get it here.

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