Once in a while things get very overwhelming and I tend to shut down and focus on the bare minimum tasks I feel are most important, and one of the things that falls by the wayside is this blog which very few of my readers actually keep up with - on the one hand, it means a lot of people don't actually read this information, but on the other, it means I get to post as many of my insane rantings and ravings as I like without being chased down with torches and pitchforks, and I'm okay with that.
That said, last time I posted a blog here it was NaNoWriMo, and I was very much looking forward to writing my sci-fi book The First Instinct. But since then plans have changed. I switched novels during NaNo to a paranormal romance called Sharp Hollows, but right now that's taken a backseat too. Mainly because NaNoWriMo was a total bust.
Also because I decided I should probably edit and release some other things before I start working on brand new full-length novels. For example, my short story Be Not Afraid!
Be Not Afraid was written, like, last November or December. It's a year old, and I'm kicking myself for not editing and releasing it sooner. I wrote two angel/demon themed short stories back to back, and this is one of them. You can find its Goodreads Page here. It's a very anime vibe coming from me, which I had fun with. It's got a giant spooky monster, a cool epic fight scene, and it feels very episodic/monster of the week, even though it's a standalone. At least for now.
Here's the cover:
I also added a page for it here on the blog. It will be up on Wattpad for free and maybe on this blog too, on it's official book/title page. I am looking to put out a couple more free stories in the coming weeks just because I have two or three I think would be really suited to it, and since right now I can't publish on certain retailers before the New Year (I've gotta get some new documents, rectify all my information on all my accounts, set up accounts with new distributors, etc) I might as well share things the only way I can.
Be Not Afraid, Digital Demon, and CerbIm: Blackout are the stories I'm thinking will be free, but for now keep an eye peeled for an update post where I share Be Not Afraid with official links and stuff.
I had a computer problem the other night and had to reset my PC and while I was doing so I decided I should upgrade to the new version of Scrivener because I was stuck on an outdated one. Scrivener 3 is amazing so far. I'm just hoping my payment actually goes through (it's still processing, and it should be fine, but these things make me nervous, lol) but so far I'm having fun exploring it! Even the thumbnail/taskbar icon is prettier.
In any news I'm spending Christmas morning editing this story and getting it ready, while I drink a little too much vodka, so I wanted to share the cover, aesthetic board, and some more news. I'm sure I've mentioned Be Not Afraid on this blog before, but it felt only proper to give it a real, focused introduction.
I hope your writing and reading goals are all successful and fun this holiday season! Much love, and Merry Xmas from me and mine. :)
I'm not going to lie, I had no idea whether or not I was going to participate in NaNoWriMo this year, but of course, here I am. It seems I can't resist the siren song of a fresh, shiny new idea. And NaNoWriMo always makes me nostalgic. It's comforting and familiar and nostalgic and honestly just what I need right now. I haven't written in weeks and I can't keep trying to force myself to edit with no results, so my approach needs to change.
I'm hoping that enjoying a familiar, fun writing challenge and writing a new standalone this month will help me get out of this weird personal funk I've been in and help with my recent bout of stubborn writer's block.
In this case writer's block is kind of code for 'heavy depressive episode' but that's just life. Weirdly enough everyone I know is dreading late fall and winter because of seasonal depression but I like early winter when it all feels fresh and clean and everything is coated in snow and ice, the frost is beautiful to me and just freshens everything up. I'm hoping it will help once it gets colder.
Also my NaNo project this year is THE FIRST INSTINCT an MM enemies to lovers romance about a bounty hunter and a criminal in the near-future/semi-futuristic setting of Belltower City, in the year 2035.
I'm kind of picturing it at least visually as being like the Minority Report tv show. It only got one season, but I liked the balance between future and present tech, fashion, etc. It's futuristic, but not insanely so, or in a corny way. It's that whole 'fifteen minutes into the future' approach. And I'm doing a Scooby-Doo type mystery where the baddie tries to pass as a spooky scary monster! I guess it's Scream by the way of Minority Report and Scooby-Doo.
I'll post more tomorrow when I have an actual wordcount and stuff, but in the meantime, the main characters names are Reese Hamilton and Yosef. Yosef has no last name yet, but that shall be remedied.
It's been a long, weird summer, and I almost forgot it was summer at all until the other day the realization came to me that I haven't been swimming at all. I don't think I went swimming last summer either. It used to be my favorite part of the season. And now fall is right around the corner. But life gets in the way of simple things sometimes. It's been a hell of a last few months.
The other day the YouTube algorithm spat this song at me: Crush by Ethel Cain. I think it might be one of the best things I've heard in my whole life. It's been on repeat for that reason alone, but the music video itself is also really good.
I just can't get it out of my head. Something's been feeling weird lately, there's just something about you baby, maybe I'll just be crazy, and piss him off 'till he hates me...
Writing has been sort of happening? But not as much or as often as I like. I began editing the first of two short stories in a series which I have drafted the other night and I'm going to finish editing it today. I want to publish both of those online for free. Eventually I'll probably throw them on Amazon or other distributers for 99 cents, but probably not for another few months. Unless things move faster than I'm anticipating, but some things are just out of my hands for annoying reasons. My general plan is to make a blog for these two stories, give them and their world its own little corner where you can read them on their site or just download ebooks/pdfs for free.
I have a dentist's appointment soon and they just sent me the email to confirm I'm still coming, which I am, and which is very scary and weird to me. Actually, I'm excited and scared. Chaotic combo.
The thing is Canada covers other forms of healthcare but not dentistry. Other medical stuff I need is subsidized heavily so I still have to pay for some bits and pieces, but the cost is heavily reduced so I pay small fees. Not dental stuff, though. So it could be hundreds of dollars for an exam/cleaning. But I'm HOPING they'll remove a tooth. They don't guarantee extractions so who knows, but it's half-chipped and rotting and it annoys me. Which reminds me, I have to message my cousin and ask which gum disease she was just diagnosed with, because it runs on the paternal side of the family and both our dads have messed up teeth, and the way mine are going, I think I take after them.
The last dentist's office I had was really rude and condescending and I think that's part of why I'm nervous. It was only one doctor and his assistant who were like that - everyone else was nice, but still. Lingering anxiety.
I have lingering anxiety about everything though, so that's normal. I hear cars drive around the area I live in right now and that gives me anxiety. Why? Hell if I know. A million reasons. But it all compounds and makes it hard to do anything.
Earlier I attempted to make noodles, but failed miserably. It hurt it a lot that I was out of milk and the recipe called for a cup of it. That said I'm still hungry as hell so I have to choose what to make soon and I've got no idea and no real preference. Everything seems equally gross. Except garlic rolls. But those would require some good sauce, which I also don't have. So here I am, frustrated, hungry, with a sore jaw and a chipped tooth, and no idea what to eat.
I don't wanna say it's a bad day, but it's certainly not a good one. I'm kind of over this summer. I wish it was fall already. Or winter. Winter is amazing.
~
Okay, new development: I found sauce. I cooked those garlic fingers. Then I saw the sauce had expired months ago. Then I ate the garlic fingers anyway. I ended up trying Greco's new hamburger pizza that night and...it was a hard no from me. Total pass. The hamburger was grey and kind of rubbery, and the pizza just wasn't good. I do love Greco's sauce and crust though; the parmesan crust is deadly.
I also ended up going to my dentist's appointment; it cost $350 bucks to extract that tooth. It took thirty minutes, two forms of painkiller, a drill, and it was a very scary, weird experience. It wasn't that bad though; the dentist and his assistant were very nice, polite, and professional here. It was a bit awkward because my small talk skills are non-existent, but I was so relieved.
The next morning I woke up and the first thing I felt was relief, and that's a new one for me. I knew the tooth was hurting me, and it was causing me stress, but I had underestimated just how much of my time and energy was spent either trying to take care of that gross rotting tooth to keep it from deteriorating further, or just worrying about the situation and my pain in general. Now all of that is gone at once, I feel like a weight is off of my shoulders.
I no longer have to worry about the rot or pain, but I also have less trouble eating, keeping my mouth clean, etc.
I grabbed a new pair of shoes while I was out (green converse) bought some new boxers, grabbed a couple of books - I got Crossed and Reached by Ally Condie. Matched is one of my favorite books but I never read the sequels. I also grabbed The Silver Gate by Kristin Bailey for like three bucks at Giant Tiger. God Bless. I should've grabbed more books while I was there but I wasn't aware my other favorite bookshop in the area was closed that day, so it was too late.
It was pretty hard avoiding solid food and smoking and coffee for like three days after my tooth was taken out, but by now it's healing (it's been two weeks since I wrote the first half of this blog) so I'm back on my bullshit. I had popcorn for the first time in that two weeks yesterday and it was amazing.
So yeah. My extraction went well and as usual none of my worst-case scenarios came true. It was a good day and it led to nothing but relief.
If you think that means I learned my lesson about imagining worst-case scenarios to stress over, though, you're delusional.
The next blog post will probably include an announcement or book release tidbit about CerbIm 1 & 2, so keep an eye out. ;D They're fun sci-fi shorts I've had sitting around since January begging me to edit them. So I am.
CerbIm 1: How To Save Your Cactus During A Futuristic Blackout
CerbIm 2: How To Fall In Love With Your Criminal Best Friend
Both of these stories are fun, cute, and flashy, and they'll both be out at around the same time. No more procrastinating for me.
We finally got a Lara Croft skin in Fortnite and I. AM. LIVING.
I can't help but hope the fact that they gave us Classic Lara isn't just a way to appease fans and they're going to go back to a more original look for her in the next game. I don't know why the character models for Lara looked so good in the 2013 game and in Rise, and then in Shadow of the Tomb Raider they did her so dirty and made her look like a potato. Lara does not look like that and poor, beautiful Camilla Ludington does not look like that. She earned a better character model to go with her performance. Plus they tried to give us an outfit in that game with the OG turquoise coloring which was a nice idea but it had poor execution. It was kind of fugly.
Also the fact that they gave us a classic Lara model but kept the breast size reduction from more recent games is nice; it proves she can look good in that outfit even with the changes and I hope it triggered those fanboys who whine about her and Tifa Lockheart's cupsize. Leave these poor fictional women alone lmfao.
In all reality I feel super badass in the Tomb Raider skin and I have won my first two solo wins of the season in it. I particularly love the long braid. God, I missed the braid; what an iconic look. If they gave us a variant with her classic red sunglasses I'd lose it, honestly.
I hope they bring back Team Rumble: Vaulted mode this season at some point. I didn't mind Solid Gold mode either but Team Rumble being plain old squads is boring af.
Now I'm going to go hopefully write something worth reading, like maybe the House of Ink rewrite I just promised everyone on Wattpad. Later!
Oh look, it's another instalment in the endless saga of theme changes this blog has been through! Well don't worry, folks. I think this one is here to stay! I really enjoy it. I've neglected this blog for far too long because:
1) I figured Blogger was dying (and it kind of is, I guess, but I don't care anymore).
2) I figured nobody was reading it (which isn't totally true, but it wouldn't be a big deal if it was).
3) I am very intimidated by picking out a blog theme. It's hard. I've seen people call blogs just like mine ugly and clunky, but I don't care. This design/theme makes me nostalgic for a ton of other author blogs I used to follow.
Now I've just accepted this is what my blog looks like and this is what I want it to look like. It's nostalgic. It's retro. It's...very, like, 2009-2011 YA author vibes, and you know what? That's when I was in middle school dreaming of being an author, and the paranormal romance trend was at its peak, and I miss that. Plus I don't really like 'sleek' minimalist blogger themes. I need a good one-column text-based theme for my blog. Simple and clean.
Not, like, the Utada Hikaru song, either, although that is a bop.
My Kingdom Hearts nostalgia might be in overdrive right now because I've been playing through FF7 Remake - thanks, PS Plus! - and loving it. Cloud is such a nerdy twink and everybody is flirting with him, and Aerith is a queen! I figured she might be an overrated character, because I've only ever seen bits and pieces of her so I wasn't sure if she deserved her popularity, but she's so funny and full of personality. I worried she might just be a blank slate 'nice girl' for Cloud to mourn, but she's really cool and has more personality than he does, lol.
Anyway I just wanted to briefly pop in and announce the reasoning behind my reversion to this simple old theme and the black/purple color palette I used to use. It just feels right to me. I think it's nice. Even though it is slightly clunky, but I think that may be part of the charm.
And, since I am going to keep writing on here no matter what, I'll probably try to find a way to direct attention to this site on other social media platforms. My favorite authors all ditched blogger for like, Twitter, but Twitter makes me suicidal. And Instagram is cool but I don't feel like me or my surroundings are pretty enough to post there except on Stories. So I'm determined to make this blog come alive again.
Alexa Donne was saying in one of her newer videos about author branding and marketing and how to avoid burnout with both, that blogs might not be as popular as they used to be, but that the written word is just a more enjoyable format for some people, and I know that rings true for me. For some of us that just won't change.
Plus it's hard coming up with content ideas. I want to explore new mediums of content, but some of them are very intimidating, and you also have to figure out how to make them compatible with social media in order to actually share them and create interaction. So that's intimidating. But I like blogging. I'm good at it. Even if it isn't a hugely popular form of content anymore. I can't be the only one who still enjoys blogs, right?
Another really smart thing Alexa Donne said in that video is that mailing lists are kind of over (because everyone has one and they're all kind of the same and they're pretty much just blog posts in email format anyway) and I'm happy about it because I honestly never figured my mailing list out. Shit's a mess.
Anyway, that's all on my end. If you need me, I will be writing gay stuff, playing Final Fantasy, and eating directly from my shirt pocket which is currently full of a handful of loose jelly beans, because that's what a heathen I've become during this pandemic.
Xoxo, Gossip Girl :D Nah, just kidding...I wish, though.
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