I'm Living in Some Type of Television

*Title from the song Show Me Yours by Trisha Paytas.

So all I've done for the past two days is work on this new story I don't want to talk about, and play Fortnite. I'm now officially trash. To be fair I also walked to our mailbox today but the only thing inside was a death threat/parking ticket reminder.

It was really nice outside, even though it was cold as hell. I wore combat boots instead of sneakers so I wasn't slipping on all the ice for once.

It's weirdly beautiful and, I guess, 'fresh' outside when it's winter and there's snow everywhere but it's still sunny. All the white snow and golden light combines and makes things look like some kind of a fantasy world.

Anyway, my walk was nice, but I'm sore all over. I'm probably ruining my back by sitting in all the weird positions I sit in. I made a blanket nest on the floor in a corner of my room and I've been retreating there more often than I want to admit even though I know it's really fudging up my back and shoulders, especially my neck. Oh well, though, it's comfy and I have no decent chairs and even if I did, I'd want to sit on the floor anyway because I'm a weirdo.

The truth is both my bed and my house in general are twisted and bent to hell. The entire world is warped.

I have no money to get a new bed, but even if I did I'd probably spend it on books...

So I have to deal with my back problems and I mostly do it by spraying my entire body with a muscle relaxant that has peppermint in it but honestly just smells like root beer. Like to a degree that it's weird. I think it's about time I give my body a break from the constant assault of coffee and weed I put it under, so I'm cutting those out for a couple days, hopefully, even though I already cut back on smoking. The truth is it helped with quiet a few things, so I guess that's a sign I should keep cutting back.

I'm one of those people who doesn't like to do what's good for me, though, and even when I finally relent and do it, I end up kicking and screaming the whole way.

In fact, it's probably why I'm writing this blog right now instead of writing my next book. To be fair, I only have a couple more chapters to write, because it's not actually a book, it's a novella, and I am in love with it, but I'm at the final fight scene and I always kind of hate the action scenes because as cool as they can be, I'm more interested in characters just talking and having feelings about each other, and it's also a scene where some reveals need to happen to most of the characters present, and a lot of different moving pieces are involved, and I'm not sure entirely if I'm wrapping it all up right. But it doesn't really matter, right? The first entry in a series doesn't even need to wrap much up, it mostly just needs to get you excited for the next one, and I think it will.

I actually wrote the first 10k words of this project all in one night, and I really had a lot of fun with it up to now, but I think I need to reread it all from the start and do some editing to re-familiarize myself with it before I hop back in and write the end.

I know 'they' say you shouldn't edit as you write, 'they' being the unseen council of art gods whose opinions get spread around the internet as fact, or the cold hard rules of writing, but I'm gonna go ahead and break that rules.

I've been hanging out playing video games and listening to the new Trisha Paytas EP all day. I was really hoping I'd get my new books in the mail, since some are supposed to come this week, but I don't think they'll get here until tomorrow some time, and I'm annoyed about it. I want those books! I've got the entire My Blood Approves series coming, both Hollows books, and Gumiho 1 (Wicked Fox) and I bought a box-set of the Splintered trilogy so I can have nice new paperbacks that actually match, because I haven't read book three and I hate that the copies of the first two I have don't match, one is paperback and the other is hardcover, and I prefer paperback, which I've been told I'm weird for by hardcover lovers, who are what we in the business of being awesome call haters. <__<

I'm already reading a ton of books including The Red Scrolls of Magic and Margaret Sthol's Black Widow book Forever Red (I also need its sequel, gah) because I want to get excited for Black Widow's solo movie. The trailer they just put out looks awesome.

I'm also considering rereading The Hunger Games because Fortnite really reminds me of it, lol. I haven't read those books in two or three years now, and I watched the trailers for their movies earlier and got really nostalgic.

Remember when we were all like a hundred years younger and The Hunger Games was first blowing up, and the first movie had just come out in theaters?

Damn, we are old.

That said Suzanne Collins is coming to save western society with another book in that world, so hey, maybe the Gods who run the simulation haven't abandoned us yet at all!

Anyway I will leave you with the promise of new links and new covers for new titles next time I post! I'm not letting myself write another blog until I write my damn novella! I'm probably going to go back on what I said about quitting coffee, aren't I? I know I am.

- XOXO, your local insane indie author who is definitely NOT Gossip Girl, I swear

I'm Not Shy But I Refuse to Speak Because I Don't Trust You to Understand Me

Title from My Name Is Dark by Grimes.

I'm probably not going to win NaNoWriMo this year; I only have like 3000 words left to go, but I'm probably not going to hit it because I'm in a bad place psychologically and probably won't write that much before 12, if I write today at all. I slept all day and played a little Kingdom Hearts 3 and that's it. And if that's it, that's fine, at least I was lazing off instead of getting into more trouble. I really don't trust myself to do much else today.

Basically I've been listening to Grimes and enjoying moping around hating myself and life and feeling all defeatist about everything.

Obviously I should have loftier goals, but we all have Those Days TM.

I picked up a copy of Awakener by Alisha Howard on Kindle because it's free on Amazon.ca right now, and I bought all the paperbacks for the My Blood Approves series by Amanda Hocking. I'm finally going to own one of my favorite self-published series in physical copy! It's hard to invest in indie books, and I say this as an indie author, because they're so damn expensive for print-on-demand books, and it sucks, but it is what it is. I'd love to buy the Hollows series too, and in fact, I'm hopping over there to do that now, because I just talked myself into it, it's only two books, and God knows when I'll have the money again. It came up to like 95 bucks for the MBA books, they're like 17 bucks each. Hmmm, maybe I will wait to buy the Hollows. I talked myself into it and then out of it again, lol. Money is scary, especially when you have very little.

I honestly think I'm supposed to help my cousin move in a couple days and watch all my packages come while I'm out and get stolen. I'll have to build a contraption or box or something for the mailmen to put them in that doesn't draw as much attention.

I'm honestly reeling from what a weird November it's been. It's crazy that this month is over because it felt like it went on and on and on forever. I'm kind of in denial that it's winter again, but at least it's mild so far. Thanks for that, global warming. You ruin the things that ruin everything else, but you also kill polar bears, so you can still go fuck yourself.

Yup, I'm gonna go NOT-write and wish aliens would abduct and murder me already. I know at least ONE galactic overlord has to have internet access, I know y'all see this; what's taking so long?

Can I Cook or Not?

Today I got in a huge fight with my parents, and now my head is pounding. My best friend Kuma cheered me up a bit and comforted me, because they're awesome. And I've been listening to all the good new pop music to make myself feel better. Olivia O'Brien's new album is crazy. I also like the new Ashnikko song, and of course, Taylor Swift finally dropped her new single. I didn't like it at first but it's growing on me. She always picks bad lead singles anyway, then her albums have amazing deep cuts.

I made some beats in BandLab tonight that I really enjoy. I made like six songs and of those I think four have potential, so I wrote some lyrics for those to record later today once the sun is up and I'm home alone.

I want to move out really bad but I'm not sure I want to leave the country, I'm kind of too used to it even though it's inconvenient and spooky sometimes. I think cities are scarier because of inevitable societal collapse. I mean, I say inevitable, but I hope it's not, but all the climate change news and deforestation freaks me out. But if I lived in the city my neighbours would hear me singing, and that's awkward. Even though I do post some of my songs online, it's the final versions that I think sound decent enough to share. And even now I look back on many of those songs and cringe. But I still feel a compulsive need to make them, even if I'm too shy to sing when other people are around. Basically everything I do is a random compulsion though, so that's that.

I have a short story in the works I really don't want to finish. I'm just not in the mood to write more erotica tonight, but if I don't finish now I don't know if I ever will. (Note: since writing this I finished it. It was easy and fun, I was just being a drama queen.)

All I want to work on is the sequel to Storm of Masks. I have so many ideas for it and I feel genuinely inspired, but I have other things on my checklist first. To satiate myself I'll republish Storm of Masks sometime soon, since it's down right now. I'm very excited for these sequels. Each one ramps things up a step further, to crazy levels. I've got a few things to finish first though, and right now all I want to do is go play video games and be lazy.

First I'm going to eat more baked potatoes and salad though, because that's the only thing in the world I want right now. I don't know why I have such intense cravings for baked potatoes lately. It's probably that weird Tierra Whack music video for her song Unemployed. I just love the texture of the skins I think, they're super crispy and I drench them in butter and salt and pepper. Plus they're simple to cook and require like 3 tiny steps. If I have to put in effort in a dish I'm either going to burn it or ruin it some other way.

I disagree with my parents on a lot of things but they have finally convinced me I can't cook, so there's that, but I can make baked potatoes, and salad, and that's good enough for me.

Actually since I said that I cooked some honey garlic chicken and rice that my mom said looked good, and she told my brother I'm an awesome cook. So I think she's as indecisive as me. Maybe it depends on the day. I do burn stuff a lot but it's usually because I get stoned and forget I turned the oven on.

Someone Free Grimes (Plus Adventures in Puppysitting.)

Remember when Grimes put out the best album ever? Remember how we've been waiting for new material ever since and it hasn't happened?  Remember a couple months ago when she posted shady Tweets about her label and gave us some tea?

The only new music she's put out since then is a snippet of a new bop in an Apple commercial:

It sounds like a bop for sure, but we need it now, not later. I'd love to hear the full version. I'm glad more artists are going independent. Even if it means lower budgets at least it minimizes situations like this with shitty labels. It happens in publishing too, people get fucked over by their labels and publishers and management all the time. There are shady business practices and betrayals and drama. It makes my head spin.

I was watching an Emma Blackery video (I'm waiting for her new album too!) earlier where she talked about a chain bookstore basically blacklisting her and refusing to list her book or promote it because she got mad at them on Twitter for violating a release embargo on the book. Since when is that okay?

It's wild to me that people's entire careers are subject to random whims like this on the part of people higher up in the chain. Or to bandwagon hate, because that happens and ruins careers too. It's also weird how so many artists in the past just couldn't put things out on their own, at least not if they wanted decent exposure.

Now we have the Internet and everyone is kind of enabled to build a brand and name for themselves off of nothing. 

I recently put out a new EP on my SoundCloud called Plucked From Orbit:

(Listen Here)

I don't really make music with the expectation of being known for it or it gaining a lot of attraction. I just like tooling around with synths and different sequencers, and I like making glitchy sounds and album arts. For me it's more about enjoyment and the concepts than making /actual/ bops.

Although I do want to learn to make more mainstream sounding pop bops eventually. Right now I'm basically creating ASMR sounds :P

I'm supposed to be working on a new edition of Shadows to put out next month. But I'm a serial procrastinator, so instead of writing the new novella Lovecursed or updating my notes, I'm planning a new edition of Souls of Salt & Seawater. And listening to lots of Billie Eilish. Not gonna lie.

I've also just been stewing over how many good movies are coming out.

Aquaman, The Nun, Godzilla, that new Bella Thorne movie with the ghosts (it looks cheesy as hell, but that's half the fun) and stuff like Darkest Minds, Glass, Mary Queen of Scotts. I'm really excited for Riverdale season 3. Cults and supernatural elements? Sign me up. I didn't expect them to go full supernatural until season 4, but I'm all here for it.

A couple weeks ago I spent an entire royalty check on vodka, 'cause that's the kind of irresponsible human I am, and got smashed. My parents were having a huge party with dozens of people milling around and bonfires and camping and stuff, so that was a mess, and I didn't want to be sober throughout it, and I'm guessing neither did Kuma. We also babysat my brother's wild dog during the whole ordeal, and the thing is vicious. Also, my selfie stick finally came! Here's some snaps from the weekend:

(Otis is cute but don't let it fool you! He bites! He still thinks he's a lap dog, too...)

(Me & Kuma!)

(Testing the selfie stick, lol)

Now the vodka is all gone and I'm left with an empty wallet. Next time I get paid I'm buying charcoal toothpaste to remove the coffee stains from my teeth, and some charcoal face masks to go with it. I need to do something about this breakout. Ugh. 

I've gotta go take the dog for a walk and then come back and hammer away at this new edition of Shadows so I can finally share the cover with you. I only made it yesterday so I can't act like I've been sitting on it long, but it feels like it. It's very Pirates of the Caribbean... And I really have to go finish it, so I'll leave you with this here:

Thanks for reading!

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