Chaotic Array

  It's insane to think that pretty soon it's going to be winter - the leaves all fell so quickly I pretty much missed it. I guess I should look up more. :/ Some insane stuff was happening in my personal life lately, so this blog has been neglected as a result. I didn't forget about it (even though nobody really reads it, or at least very few people do) and I'm not going to abandon it. I mean, I do  abandon it for months at a time sometimes, but I always intend to come back. I mostly just want to keep a log of what I'm working on and when, what my mindset is regarding my books and my writing, etc. It's useful to me when I'm looking back, and it's a nice momento to have for my writing life. I'm back on Prozac (those aforementioned insane things happening in my personal life demanded I face my demons) so that's slowly been kicking into my system and I'm settling into a new sort of normal. Medicated normal. Which is good, because I need to be. Me...

All I've done today is stress out, wash dishes, play FortNite, stress out some more, and do a brief blurb for a new book I'm going to start working on. Or I guess I already started working on it. The problem is I'm pretty sure I have a brain tumor, I can't afford an MRI, and I have to make an appointment at a free clinic tomorrow so I can get a referral, which might take months, and in the meantime my head feels inflamed, I've been getting worse and worse cluster headaches for weeks now, and I'm constantly terrified or frustrated about it all. I hope I can actually get into the clinic I have my eye on tomorrow because I don't have a family doctor who can refer me. I'd ideally like to pay the almost $800 bucks to get a quick MRI done but instead I'll be on a waiting list for like eight weeks which is another whole nightmare because I don't know if I can even survive that long. I keep telling myself a lot of brain tumors (most) I think, are benign,...

I've been eyeing ideas for a couple of different standalone novels recently and it's got me asking myself what I think constitutes a good standalone novel, what makes it more beneficial for a story to be a single piece rather than a series, etc. In the process I've obviously been revisiting a lot of the standalones I've loved in the past. And I decided a few of them are a little too slept on by the bookish side of the internet. So, here's my shoutout for my top 5 YA standalones that I think deserve more love. If you're trying to capitalize on your quarantine lockdown time to read more, here's a couple titles your TBR could benefit from meeting. 5: Daughter of Deep Silence by Carrie Ryan Do you like revenge? Do you like mysteries? Do you like thrilling, dangerous situations involving rich, beautiful people and their shocking, dirty, blood-stained scandals? Do you enjoy a nice Old American lavish murder mystery aesthetic? If the answer to any of these question...

I'm listening to Karma by Marina again and I keep thinking that this double-album was underappreciated by the fandom. People on Popheads are always trashing it as her worst release but I really don't know. Karma is great, Orange Trees is one of my favorite songs by her, and a lot of people seem to love Handmade Heaven, like even people who dislike the albums agree that song is good. So. I think there's a false verdict on this one. Anyway I've got this novella to edit and a novel to finish, and I'm sitting here resisting the lure of a new potential WIP. I HAVE WAY TOO MUCH ON THE GO TO START NEW STORIES. So I am holding myself back by the scruff of the neck. I WILL get to that other story eventually, but yeah, tonight is all about Force. As is every night until I freaking finish it. I'm not playing around any more. I thought I'd have it AND the sequel out by now so I have to pick up slack. I will say, drafting-wise, this year has been very productive ...

I'm still working on editing Force. It's been a long, grueling job - mostly because of my own procrastination, but let's ignore that - and I'm not pulling my hair out yet, but I might be close. Which would be bad, because I cut my own hair recently and I really like how it turned out. I'd rather not mess it up. Or mess up my book. I was saying on Goodreads a few days ago that it will probably be out on the 12th, which is tomorrow, and that is so not happening. That said it's going to be soon. I'm not even saying a date because at this point it's comical how many times I've delayed this book. Novella. Whatever it is. I really do love it, and I think it's super good, which is why I need to take my time with it and make sure it's perfect before I put it out. I don't want to have to touch it for another five to ten years; I already have way too many books I need to update the backmatter and front copy material for and it's such annoying g...

I think I've neglected this blog enough for the year. I've also been neglecting my personal diary, so there's enough of that to go around, but tonight I'm saying no more, and I am going to update both! I have seriously been slacking off lately. My work has gone untouched while I play more Tomb Raider than I have any right to. I bought Rise and Shadow so I've been running through them both for the first time. I love Rise most, it's got the sturdiest writing and I think the world is more open. Shadow is fun though, it's got beautiful puzzles and more challenging tombs, although some of them have wonky spots in them. I also enjoy the more emotional moments between Lara and Jonah. She's been bottling up her angst for an installment or two and seeing it all pile up and break out is amazing. The first game is still my favorite and always will be, though. It felt the most emotionally complex and grounded at the same time, even with the samurai zombies and s...

Title from Enemy by Charli XCX . I'm pretty sure this blog is dead but that won't stop me from writing updates for it. In fact, I actually find it kind of comforting that very few people, if any, read my insane ramblings here. I'm almost done my next book, and I have a couple finished and semi-finished things I've been sitting on for a long time now, or at least what feels like a long time; I think the oldest of them dates back to November or so. I have to edit a novella tonight and I'm having a nervous breakdown about it, so instead of actually doing it I thought I'd come complain about how long it's taking Rise of The Tomb Raider (a game that came out like five years ago while I was still working at Bath and Body Works, lol) to get here. I ordered it way too long ago. I can't really complain though because there's a pandemic and all, and the truth is it's amazing we can even still order stuff at all with all the craziness going on. Since ...

Surprise, I just put out a new short story! I'd like to say I'm craftier than I really am and that I've had this up my sleeve for a while now, but the truth is, I wasn't really planning this at all. I drafted this story a few days ago after a stroke of inspiration hit while I was playing video games. I wanted to build a story around a sense of rising dread and it was essentially structured around the opening and closing lines that came to me before anything else did. Before I knew it I had a draft and a cover! I listened to a lot of southern gothic music during this one, and I was flying high on some Stephen King bullshit, so those two vibes combined to inspire the atmosphere and tone. The story, in case you were wondering at all, is called Faces in Weeds and you can get it here  on Amazon US , or here  on Amazon Canada  if you'd like to read it. You can also hit me up on the comments of this blog or comment on my Goodreads review  if you'd like a free ebook c...

Title from Hades Pleads by Parker Millsap... I'm staying in bed all day today in order to edit Dreamseeker and try to draft (or mostly draft) book 2, Dreamsinger. I think it will be good to take a break from my current novel WIP today and draft a novella, plus I've wanted to update the front- and back-matter of book 1 for a long while! Book 2 is a rock star romance AND it has a human protagonist who serves in a damsel distress role a lot, so it's a lot different than book 1 and it will be a lot of fun to write. I still have to finish glossing over book 1, though, and I'm dragging my feet. I've already had way too much coffee and tea today and I've been pigging out on potato scallop and baked ham. I played a little Fallout earlier and I'll probably play more tonight, but for now I'm cooped up in my room avoiding writing to blog. I also really want to read a lot today, but I can't let myself be sucked into some good book before I work on some...

Force is still coming out! I've postponed it until next month or the next, but I will probably put it out once the second book is done. I just want extra time to polish it, but I want to stress it is done and it is coming soon! I felt like I had to take some time and be extra patient with it, even if it meant pushing back the date. On the bright side the new Lilac editions are happening this month and early next month, and I'll have updates about them as more of them come out. I also have a couple other finished and semi-finished projects I'm just being very patient with. I want all of them to have a lot of love and a long journey that ensures their quality. I can't make anything perfect, but I want to be sure it's 'ready' at least, whenever I feel that it is. Anyway that's all I really have to say, and I wanted it to be up here that I am working on it, and it's still coming out, as are other cool things!

I got my copy of The Love Interest  by Cale Dietrich in the mail today and can't wait to start reading it, but I should probably wait until after I finish the third Riverdale book, and maybe a couple of Amanda Hocking books I'm reading/rereading (I'm halfway through my My Blood Approves series reread, and I'm also reading her book Freeks for the first time.) I also bought the Beautiful Creatures graphic novel and The Body Electric by Beth Revis in paperback. Honestly I think 2020 is going to be a good reading year for me. I've got a lot of reads and rereads slated and I'm super excited about all of it. I even have the final Emily The Strange book coming. I've only read the first three, and I just reread books one and two, and am moving onto three, so I can be prepared to finally, finally read the last book! I really enjoyed rereading the first couple these past few days, for the first time in two or three years. I want to put out some new music sometimes...

So, the first Lilac Xia Jones story, Night of the Dragon, just got a new round of extensive editing and a new cover. The new, definitive edition of the story is out. I'm very happy I was able to go back and edit this, and I'm not going to lie, I edited...a lot. I added about 4k to 5k words of new material and rewrote a lot of the other material. You can get the new edition here! I'm much happier with this version of the story. I wrote this when I was about 17 and it probably wasn't ever ready to come out when I published it. I'm about to turn 24 so being able to go back and fix a lot of the stuff I didn't like or didn't have the technical skill to pull off the first time I wrote it was very satisfying. I also love the stylish new cover, which is definitely more in line with the rest of my catalog:   I included the cover for the 5th story, which is coming out sometime mid-February! This week I'm focusing on editing and publishing new editio...