Chaotic Array

Today was a little hellish. The power went out around 4am and was out for hours. Someone hit a power line with her car nearby, but from what I heard she was fine. Anyway my computer wouldn't turn back on after the outage, and I was afraid I'd lost everything, but I opened it up and shorted it with a screwdriver, so it's fine now, but the power button is done for good. The tower looks like this right now: I need a new computer really bad but I have no money, which is why it's so important for me to edit these stories and get them out already. I've been getting a lot of work done but it doesn't feel like it because I haven't shared any. I'm quitting pot because it freaks me out so I'll have the mind to write more, too. Tonight I'm going to finish editing the second novella, pen a new short story, write a new chapter of the current book, and then edit more of Shadows New Edition. That sounds like a lot but it's not. Editing Shad...

Today I got in a huge fight with my parents, and now my head is pounding. My best friend Kuma cheered me up a bit and comforted me, because they're awesome. And I've been listening to all the good new pop music to make myself feel better. Olivia O'Brien's new album is crazy. I also like the new Ashnikko song, and of course, Taylor Swift finally dropped her new single. I didn't like it at first but it's growing on me. She always picks bad lead singles anyway, then her albums have amazing deep cuts. I made some beats in BandLab tonight that I really enjoy. I made like six songs and of those I think four have potential, so I wrote some lyrics for those to record later today once the sun is up and I'm home alone. I want to move out really bad but I'm not sure I want to leave the country, I'm kind of too used to it even though it's inconvenient and spooky sometimes. I think cities are scarier because of inevitable societal collapse. I mean, I...

I was rereading old blog posts, and I realized I talked a lot about books that never materialized in the early days of this blog, and I want to clarify what's going on with those books and projects, so you all know, and so I can direct people with questions here in the future. So, here it is: The Dark Divinity Trilogy/A Darkness So Divine:  pending. Originally a novella trilogy, then it morphed into a novel. These stories will be published as Shine & Hex, the two new Lilac Jones novellas, once I finish them. Those will close out Lilac's story for good. Mirror, I Am: cancelled. It was a paranormal novel I was meant to write with my cousin, but it fell through. She's not serious about writing or publishing and thinks of it as more of a hobby for now. I'm sure she'll do something with it someday, though. She wants to go back to school and she just had her first kid so for now her hands are tied. The Indigo Horde: cancelled. I may cannibalize ideas from ...

I thought today was Thursday, but it's still just Wednesday, which makes me sad. I thought Riverdale would be out, but now I have to wait another 24 hours, since in Canada it comes out on Netflix the day after it airs in America. In lieu of another episode of Riverdale I'll probably spend my morning writing. I finished a short last night, which ended up 2000 words longer than I thought it would be, so now I'm debating whether to draft another erotic short, draft the rest of Glimpse, or finish up my story I Kill Your Gods. I'm supposed to have the house to myself today at least for a few hours, which sounds nice. People stress me out even when they're not doing anything, even when they're sleeping in another room making no sound, their presence unnerves me. Sometimes it's nice to have folks around, but mostly I find it very irritating, especially since the folks in question are my parents, and although I know they love me, I also know they judge me a lot an...

I can't watch Game of Thrones yet because I have no HBO and no clue where else to watch it. We don't have cable or satellite anymore because we find Netflix sufficient most of the time. Now I have to find a way to stream that that will probably be too expensive anyways. Ugh. Instead of doing that I've been reading fanfiction of Ryan and Shane from Buzzfeed Unsolved because I'm a weirdo and I think they'd be cute together. Also I might think Ryan is the most adorable guy ever. Some relatives visited today. One of my older cousins, Christine, brought me a new nightstand from a set she bought years ago, since she's getting ready to move out of her old house and start renting it out instead, and has to sort through all her old stuff. She mentioned she may just sell the house instead and has been talking to a realtor. It's crazy to me that that house won't be in the family soon, since I have so many memories there. It's the first place I played IMVU ...

(Title from the song Thin Line by Honey Honey) I'm pretty sure in my last blog post I said I'd post the next day, and now it's three days later, but that's fine because I was busy working. Plus I don't think many people read this blog anymore. I used to get 30 or so views per post, average, and now I get like 4 or 5 per post. I haven't published anything new in forever and I don't advertise this blog as much as I used to, so it's fair. I'm sure traffic will pick up as I get back into publishing and start blogging more. Today I finished another short story and polished up the first chapter of this novella 'Glimpse' which I normally don't do, but it needed a few paragraphs added to really set up the story efficiently. It felt wrong to leave it any longer. Tonight I'm going to write at least three more chapters. I'm hoping I can finish it but I don't want to bite off more then I can chew and intimidate myself. To be ...

Today's title comes from the new Kitty album Rose Gold, because it's amazing and basically all I've been listening to for days. I've been thinking recently about how I want to finish or continue the Deadheart series. Storm of Masks really didn't sell well, and I've considered revamping it with a new title and cover, or rewriting it entirely, or adding 25k words onto it to wrap the story up and publishing that as a new edition. But I think I owe it to myself and the characters to finish the story, and even though I have my issues with the first book, I don't think it's a bad book, it's just not my best, which in a way is comforting because it means there's nowhere for the story to go but up. Storm of Masks is quaint and charming but I feel like it's too slow at times and there's not enough action or enough at stake. It definitely feels like a prologue to a much larger story. And to be fair, it is. But I think I could have added a ...

Everything is too short. That's what the problem is, if you ask me. Obviously you didn't, but here I am to give my opinions on random stuff nobody else cares about anyway. What brought this thought on? I replayed Saints Row 3 (one of the greatest and most absurd video games ever made) and I finished the game in like three days. It's the fifth or sixth time I've finished it--I remember playing it back in eighth grade in 2012 when my brother was away for school in another province. He left his xBox and I'd stay up every night after school playing it and listening to Kimbra while I drove around Steelport causing trouble. So it's not just nostalgic, it's comforting. But the game is also too short. I was thinking how much better it would be if the first act was expanded; more missions exploring being a fish out of water in a new city and taking down the syndicate, since it feels like you move on to the other gangs too quickly. I'd also love an expanded ...

I just realized I haven't really posted here in 2019. It feels as if New Years was a month ago, but we're four or five months into the year already. I've spent three months taking thotty selfies and planning new releases. The latter half of 2019 will be very busy for me, but the year has already showed me a lot and I feel like I've grown a lot. I had to take a hard look at myself and my habits, my mental health, and redefine who I am and what I want, because I was only stewing and festering in negativity and bitterness and doubt. So far this year I've turned 23, let go of a heap of self-hatred I was holding onto, recorded a few crazy songs, and shaved my head bald again. Last year I was suicidal, we lost a bunch of our pets, I forgot who I was and sank into a deep depression and focused on the ugly parts of the world, which brought out ugly parts of me. That's over now, obviously. It only makes sense to focus on the present and the future, not a past I can...