Everything Is Too Short

Everything is too short. That's what the problem is, if you ask me. Obviously you didn't, but here I am to give my opinions on random stuff nobody else cares about anyway.

What brought this thought on?

I replayed Saints Row 3 (one of the greatest and most absurd video games ever made) and I finished the game in like three days. It's the fifth or sixth time I've finished it--I remember playing it back in eighth grade in 2012 when my brother was away for school in another province. He left his xBox and I'd stay up every night after school playing it and listening to Kimbra while I drove around Steelport causing trouble. So it's not just nostalgic, it's comforting.

But the game is also too short. I was thinking how much better it would be if the first act was expanded; more missions exploring being a fish out of water in a new city and taking down the syndicate, since it feels like you move on to the other gangs too quickly. I'd also love an expanded third act with more of a battle against STAG, maybe with The Boss and Killbane teaming up.

Honestly, they could have made it a two-disk game and have disk two take place in an entirely different city.

I guess I just want another great Saints Row game, just not as abstract like 4 was.

But then the Star Wars trailer dropped and I got thinking the current trilogy would work better as a six volume story, since Rey's rise to power seems so rushed and there's still so much to explore with her past, and her and Kylo's chemistry, plus I want Stormpilot to happen, but obviously it won't. Maybe in a dream world audiences are enjoying a six movie epic (and I mean, Star Wars as a whole is nine movies plus Rogue One and Solo, which is great, but as a Reylo shipper, I want an entire movie of them running around as an odd couple, solving mysteries or some shit) but this is not that universe. I was hoping for a ballroom scene, an undercover mission, some romance....just more glamour from number three, but it looked kind of bland compared to The Last Jedi.

I have this problem with my books too; I was supposed to write a four chapter short story but somehow it got bumped to six chapters, but the scenes I'm adding are necessary and make everything better. Even then I'd love to add more to explore a certain character and a cool location a little more, but then it wouldn't be a short story anymore. I can't help it, I love big plots and I can not lie. I also want readers to feel like they got their money's worth out of a story.

Today I got too stoned and ate a lot of pizza and tried to record but didn't like anything I was doing, and then my mic started acting up. I really want to put out an EP soon and even drop an album this year, but I need a new laptop to make music on and write in a more comfortable position. I do have some cool potential album art and concepts lined up though.

That said, tonight and tomorrow are devoted to drafting this short story! It's called Glimpse and it's about a pixie and that's all I can really say until it's done.

Star Wars Movies That Would've Been Better Than Rogue One

A lot of people liked Rogue One.

We don't know why they liked it, but they did. I've seen them talking about it. A lot.

In my opinion, it's the worst Star Wars film, or at least tied for last with Phantom Menace. I know it's popular to hate on Phantom Menace, but whatever, I'm jumping on the bandwagon. The best, IMO, is The Force Awakens.

Rogue One, though? Rogue One is just...I mean, it's Pompeii in space. Minus Kit Harrington's abs. Which is always a great disadvantage to start at.

I haven't seen The Last Jedi, because I'm poor. AKA I'll be waiting the entire sixth months until it arrives on Netflix. I've heard it's a hot mess, though.

I'll reserve judgement until I see it, but I have seen Rogue One. I mean, I've seen parts of it. Like the first hour, I think. I can't power through your movie when a cgi robot has more charisma than your entire human cast, people. I'm sorry, I just can't.

Especially when the script gives less of a fuck about these characters than I do.

So, I thought I would come up with some ideas for better Star Wars Anthology films that they should have made instead. And still should make. Hire me, LucasFilm. I will be good to you.

NIGHTSISTERS: a movie about one of the Dathomirian Nightsisters Talzin hired out as an assassin; the journey she goes on, significant kills, maybe she goes rogue (¬‿¬) & disobeys orders so they could still get that rebellious vibe they wanted? 

FORCE PRIESTESS: we deserve a movie about the Force Priestesses and their planet, which, let's be honest, is the SW version of the Garden of Eden. It also has that Journey To The Center of the Earth vibe going for it. We could also just get a movie about a human character travelling to find said planet & immortal women.

ESCAPEE CLONES: set during the clone wars; two clones fall in love (mildly incestuous since they're all cloned from the same guy I guess, but whatever) and run away. Adventures follow. There are so many directions an escapee clone story could go down it's mind-blowing.

STRANDED: a Twi'lek pilot crashlands on a mysterious planet and is hunted by large, scary, ravenous beasts. Definite Alien vibes with this one. A horror survival film set in the EU. It's what we need.

FORCE RIVALRY: in which two siblings, maybe twins, awaken their force-sensitivity at the same time and each drift to different sides. Each of them has a romance, it's epic in scale and culminates in them going to war and fighting to the death. Maybe the twin who's fallen to the dark side wins but are filled with such remorse for killing their sibling that they revert to the light somehow?

ICARII: An Icarii traveler and explorer who survives the genocide of their people vows revenge on the Empire, joining the war in some fashion. Or maybe it's set before they were wiped out, and it's a political drama about Selestrine's rise to power? Either way.

BASTILA'S DAD: He was a charming treasure hunter. Indiana Jones in space is way better than Pompeii in space, right? Wake up, people! Raiding tombs on ancient, uninhabited planets? Sounds like my cup of tea.

EARTH: a group of idealist humans, maybe some form of escapee prisoners set out to leave their war-torn, corrupt corner of the galaxy and colonize a planet far, far away (¬‿¬) and end up going through a wormhole or some shit, at which point they reach a new, crystal green-and-blue planet, Character A asks what they'll name it & character B says 'Earth' ... cut to black. Yeah, it's corny as fuck. I miss when movies were allowed to be corny.


I could do this for days. I could go on and on.

In fact, after I see Last Jedi and Black Diamond, I probably will make a longer list of potential EU stories. Because I miss my middle school fanfiction days, if I'm being upfront. I skipped school to read gay Harry Potter fanfiction, and now I'm skipping my deadline to write this sloppy ass blog post for you.

Feel free to post links to the worst Star Wars fanfic you can find in the comments! That's all, folks!

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