Rome Was Not Built in A Day

Things take time. I know that. It takes hard work and it takes patience. I'm not good at patience.

 I keep having to remind myself, Rome wasn't built in a day, but it really doesn't help. I want these things to be done, I want Shadows and SOSAS to be done and out, and I want other projects I'm working on to be done and out. I want to be able to share these things and talk more about them because I can't because I'm not ready to release them yet or because they're in the early stages and everything is subject to change. . .

 And it's mornings like this, when I've already been up all night working and I'm still not done and I still feel like I haven't done enough, when I'm on coffee number who-knows and my brain is fried and my fingers shake even when I hold my hands still, that I feel that the most.

 I have this urge, this restless energy beneath my skin that turns me frantic and won't let me sleep. I have to resist the urge to keep going until I drop. I know that's not healthy and I know it's just another thing I have to work on, but it's an all-consuming sort of thing.

 I don't know. I know these books are good. I also know they're not done. I know the editing process is a temperamental beast and I know that my schedule is packed full.

 The funny thing is, the wait isn't even that long. I have things that I know will be ready to publish within a month or two, and I still don't want to wait and it still feels like forever.

 No patience.

 So I just have to wait and settle down and finish them, but, you know - mental illness. Caffeine overdose. Workaholic. Unhealthy coping methods.

 The thing is, I have to take it one thing at a time. One choice at a time. One decision at a time. I'm still learning how to do that.

 So that's where I'm at today: accomplishing things but still feeling like those things aren't enough. Being exhausted but unable to sleep. Feeling conflicted about what I want and how I want to get it. For now I think it's enough to let myself rest a little and remember that Rome. wasn't. built. in. a. day.

 But it was built, eventually. So I'll do what the Romans did, and go stone by stone.

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