The Struggle Is Real

Marketing is torture. Seriously. It's the worst part of being self-published.

My books won't sell if I don't push them on people, but my anxiety refuses to let me. It also makes writing painful sometimes. Like tonight. Which is why I'm writing this blog post instead to rant about it.

Sometimes when I'm writing it feels like I'm flying, and I hammer out like seven thousand words in a sitting and walk away glowing, feeling like a boss. And then sometimes, like tonight, literally nothing sounds more painful than writing.

I'm struggling to put down a single chapter, let alone more than a thousand or two words. It's uncomfortable and it has me on edge.

Normally when it isn't flowing, I just do something else. Tonight I'm forcing myself to keep going, because I'm determined to put out two novellas next month, but I have to be honest, every word feels painful. Even this blog post is giving me difficulty.

Sometimes I can sit down and write about whatever is in my head--I talk about stupid tv shows I like or what I'm listening to. And sometimes that's fun. Most of the time it is. Then there are nights like this, where it feels pointless, like I'm just adding to the noise and I have nothing important or useful or meaningful to say.

The truth is, some of the joy goes out of writing once you start having to constantly stress over the financial aspects of it. I'm worried about how good my writing is or what vibes I should go for with a project, and then it's compounded with whether or not it will even sell, or how I'll get reviews for it when I can't even email a book blogger without having a mild identity crisis.

I know I'm not the only one who goes through it, either, but this can be a really lonely profession. We all feel that. I get it.

Still, it sucks.

For tonight, I'm just going to remind myself I've done this before and I can do it again, too. I've written 50,000 words in five days. I've written 75,000 words in fourteen days. I can do this. I've finished seven books, what's one more, in the grand scheme of things?

I'm going to take a deep breath. Keep writing. And hope for the best.

Angels and Everything

So last night I finished my last round of copy edits on Divinity, wrote the acknowledgements, formatted the ebook, and sent it off through Amazon's review system. The pre-order should be up within 12 hours if everything goes right. And if it doesn't, I guess I can always bury myself under a blanket nest and pretend the world ended.

I'm super excited to be putting another book out, but I also plan to fix the whole paperback situation today after I've done the cat box and dishes - aka, the lack of a paperback edition.

I haven't seen the SOSAS paperback, but I'm sure it's beautiful.

And it's my only book available as a paperback.

Why? I'm lazy. And formatting paperbacks doesn't just mean more formatting and more forms to fill out - it also means more graphic design, more proofing, hours of work for each book that could be spent...writing a new book.

I wrote the draft of Divinity, which was like 30,000 words, in 7 days, and edited it in 5. The finished book is over 53,000 words, and I'm kind of in love with it. I write books fairly fast.

But that doesn't mean they don't take time.

Especially when you consider that I have 4 novel series going right now:

-The Charmers Series
-The Evernight Falling Chronicles
-The Dreamworld Duet
-The Seraph Chronicles

And 4 standalones to write:

-Maelstrom
-Untold
-We Die Like Angels
-Desperation

As well as some projects I'm kicking around the side. I was also originally writing a book called A Darkness So Divine, but I scraped the project.

To be perfectly clear I love having a lot going on and a lot of projects to choose from, but it is also a huge workload and a lot of pressure, so I've put off working on paperback editions to focus on more drafting and editing for new projects.

But I think I need a tiny break from publishing stuff, and the best thing to do would be focus on new editions of old books instead of putting out new titles, and let myself take more time to write for a bit.

So I'm going to hold off on announcing release dates until I have two or three books ready to publish at once, and then I'm gonna drop a bunch of 'em on you like bombs.

In the meantime, paperbacks.

I hope I can order some soon - I particularly want Divinity and Shadows of Ourselves in paperback. Shadows is still my best book in my opinion, but Divinity is fun of a different kind.

And the sex is a lot more detailed. >:D

I'll post when the Divinity pre-order goes up, but if you're a blogger who wants and arc feel free to comment or message me at ApolloBlake@mail.com for a copy!

Write Novels Like Songs

It's nineteen days until I turn twenty, and that is freaking me out, so instead of writing about that, I'm going to write about the way songwriters inspire me.

I write novels, but I look to people like Lorde and Grimes for writing inspiration. The way other people work and weave words in fascinating to me. Carly Rae Jepsen scrapping albums and starting over with new concepts -something Grimes has done too- or Lorde creating each album as a quick snapshot of her life.

Drug-binge work sessions and caffeine-fueled bursts of word working, the places where people write and the things they surround themselves with, and why. I love hearing about that stuff. I love hearing people talk about their process.

So here's a quote about writing from from Grimes/Ella that I really like:

I often do my best work when I can be completely absorbed by it. It was the same thing in high school with math. It’s always been about losing myself and losing track of time. I remember meditating on a math problem for over four hours, and only snapping out of it when I had to go to the bathroom. Those were the times when I could really feel the progress. It’s always a good sign to realize that six hours just disappeared. To see how time dissolves can be a powerful experience, and it’s one I miss. Because it’s one thing to talk about stuff and it’s another to actually commit to doing it; to solve a math problem or make music. Not being too self-aware in the process is also really important. - Grimes