How To Write Your Book in 8 Easy Steps

 How To Write Your Book in 8 Easy Steps (My Personal Method):

1) Download fifteen different new fonts. Try out every one of them. Don't forget to fool around with the color, too!

2) Design five different book covers. None of them looks like the one you're imagining in your head.

3) Drink five cups of coffee and watch Werewolf By Night on Disney+. You wish you had a werewolf boyfriend. You can't prove werewolves exist. Back to the drawing board.

4) Break the first two chapters in half and give them all new titles and ending hooks. Add a few extra lines of dialogue. Change the font color again.

5) Write a blurb for the story even though it's not fully finished.

6) Edit the last chapter you wrote and try to figure out who knows what and why they aren't saying it.

7) Actually manage to write 500 words. Wait, why is your coffee mug empty? The dog is crying, too, does the dog need to pee? Why do I agree to babysit people's dogs again?

8) Repeat all of the above in a manic state over the course of several days until the project is finished. Spend three hours in the bath brainstorming and when you get out you're so wrinkled your family doesn't recognize you and thinks there's a very old burglar in the house. Congrats, you're a writer!