Fate, Strange Fate

I love PARADES. and Having Itchy Nails Tires me...

And having hangnails is annoying. And having to clip my nails every three or four days is super annoying. And not being able to release new stories yet is the most annoying. But what can you do? Nothing's really done yet to the degree I want to announce or share it.

I'm writing though. Lots! And it's all pretty cool stuff.

I'm also listening a lot to the new Anne Hathaway album. I genuinely cannot believe how good it is. She's a great singer but also the production and songwriting is immaculate. Burial, Dark Cradle, and Blue Flame are incredible. My favourite is Holy Spirit 2 though; what a damn song!

I haven't seen the movie Mother Mary yet but the album is immaculate.

Here's hoping Anne Hathaway continues releasing music though because she's fucking incredible at it! Easily eating these main pop girlies up.

Anyway I'm going back to drafting and I'm going to be listening to this album on repeat as I do it.

All I can say is this story is like Control (the best video game ever made) and Loki, an impeccable show, and maybe like Men In Black and X-Files and SCPFoundation. And it's gonna be great. It already is great, but it's only half done, so imagine how much greater it WILL be!

Red Bulls & Moth's Wings

 It's honestly wild how fast this year is moving. I turned thirty a few days ago. I wanted to have this novella out already but I'm taking my sweet time with it because it's launching a new pen name and returning to publishing after a long time away and that's obviously been nerve-wracking.

I'm sure my own expectations for myself are much higher than other people's, to be fair. I have to remember it's not supposed to be the Best Book Ever Written. It's supposed to be silly, fun, and kinda sexy. And weird.

And hey! It is all those things!

I'm in the final stages of working on it so it will be announced and released soon but right now it's too soon to say anything other than it's the first in a series (duh) and it's supernatural (duh) and gay (duh).

February Slipped Away

What an asshole of a month. A month of mystery. And fog. And snow. And reading Crescent City and playing video games and sleeping a lot. And editing a lot.

And now, March.

I'm turning thirty. Is anyone ever ready for that? I'm kind of vibing with it, though.

Meanwhile I wanted to blog so much more during February. I wanted to read more, write more, and DO more than I did. So with the one last day we have left, I'm doing as much as I can. Which means I'm going to post what I want, make what I want, and cram as much creative productivity into the last day as I can.

Because even though I have time to do this all in March and I'm not rushing any of it, I still wanted to have more more in February, you know?

And if you don't, I don't know how you don't. The shortest month really outdid itself this year. Here and gone in a blink!

Anyways, I've got music to make, and a sketchbook spread to do, and some books to edit, and some self-pub admin tasks to finish with, and it's all so overwhelming, but probably only because I put it all off until the last minute.

Yes, Google Play Books, I Am Who I Say I Am

In case you all had missed it, a few days ago I published a new edition of Faces in Weeds on Kobo and Barnes and Noble, Apple Books, and a few others like Smashwords. I hope you'll check it out, it's got a pretty new cover and a fresh round of copy edits with maybe a hundred or so new words added. Just thought I'd tidy it up and get back to publishing for the first time in a long time, and of course, the world couldn't let that happen without a snag, so of course my new Google Play Books Publishing Partner account got suspended almost as soon as I published it, because they don't believe I own the copyright or that I am, indeed, who I say I am.

So let's clear this up: I'm Kyle Brittain, but I go by Kai Bishop publicly. I write and publish under the author names Apollo Blake and Cosmo Knox. I own everything I write and publish, I don't publish things I didn't write and don't own, and I certainly have never made any secret that these are my pen names.

My identity has never been a secret, because I'm not, despite many rumors circulating, a superhero. I don't work for the Daily Planet--but if I did I'd publish under Apollo Blake or Cosmo Knox, because those are my pen names.

Google's helpful email said they needed to see proof I am who I say I am which could include links to my official author website, so let's hope this post I made special just for them is helpful enough.

Here's the new cover for Faces in Weeds by the way:

As always keep an eye out on this space because it's where I'll post news and updates about new releases, even if I'm sometimes a few days late. (And being accused of being an imposter. How glamorous and scandalous for me.)

A Reminder For You (Writing Pep Talk)

So I've been hard at work on a few titles I'm going to launch on Kobo, including Leo & Declan 1 and 2 (Under His Touch, Under His Watch) and the drafting process was being difficult last night, so I opened my notes app and wrote this. I think it's gonna be something I need to return to again and again, so I'll share it here for you all too:

I am worried about so many things I cannot control but what I can control is writing my book and editing my short stories so that's what I'm going to focus on.

It's not up to me to be perfect or control the universe or every reaction to my books.

All I can do is write them, then publish them, then market them, to the degree that I want to. That's all. The rest of it is out of my hands. And I can't force it. But I can work with it, move with it, evolve with it, and take it all as it comes.

That's what I can do. So that's what I'll do.

I'll write my gay erotica romance stories and urban fantasies and sci-fi stuff even when it feels silly or stupid or it isn't as groundbreaking or intelligent or literary as everyone else's book. I'll do what I want, have fun, and hope someone wants to read what I wrote, but I can only write what I want to write, and if nobody else is along for the ride, I guess that's that.

The point of this is just to say all of that outside stuff is noise. And noise can be tuned out. All I can control is that I can write my book, even if it means learning again, for the millionth time, how to adapt and pivot. I can do that much, and probably so can you.

Isn't It Weird How I Only Blog At Night???

Last night I managed to finish editing (line editing but not copy editing, but the difference is splitting hairs to me anyway) Under His Touch. The new edition clocks in at just around 14k. I am always surprised how worth it the effort is to revise and fix up old stories. I'm always surprised by things past me missed, or what new skills I've developed. Of course I had to polish this one up anyway because I want to write the sequel now, but that doesn't mean it didn't need it.

And now I'm taking the night to outline stuff for the sequel, mostly making up my character sheet and locations sheet. I might make a timeline, but that's so time-consuming. But so worth it. But since these are simple stories that have no flashbacks and don't require too much focusing on dates, I'm not going to go too hard into that.

I DID make a huge decision regarding the sequel though, or two, to be specific, which is that:

1) There's not going to be a time-jump of three years. I don't know why I thought I'd do that. I want to see their relationship develop. Skipping two or three years is skipping the most interesting stuff, watching them adjust going from friends to a couple especially as Declan navigates his sexuality and coming out. Instead I'm going to give it a time-jump of like five or six hours. So it opens with them waking up the morning after and picks up right where we left off.

2) I think they're going to stay in Rockton, so I'm staying away from the vacation idea. I might have them go on a vacation for a future story as a special episode or something, but for the sequel I think they should stay in Rockton, especially since I want to develop the town and setting a little.

So I've got to completely scrap that first chapter I put up on Wattpad, but I'll post it on this blog or something as an extra scrap, like an easter egg or bonus content or whatever.

I have also slowly yet steadily making plans to release my next few musical projects. I want to put out my next album soon but I have one demo for it and nothing else but like half a page of notes. I do have track titles and a concept for the sound, imagery, etc...

BUT. In the meantime I'll probably release more digital/instrumental music like my last song Rejuvenate. I was going for a Final Fantasy/video game score with that, so I might continue in that vein or create some ambient music of some kind.

I've been reading CHARM by Tracy Wolff and so far I'm mixed on this entire series. I loved the first three books, but book four dragged a lot for me, and this book is a mix of hilarious fluff, filler content, and random new developments like a shadow world/alternate dimension and it's turned into portal fantasy. On the one hand I appreciate the balls to go from dark academia paranormal boarding school, to straight up save-the-world urban fantasy, to full Isekai, all without giving a damn what anybody else thinks, but it's kind of a set-up book for the next one and I'm just eager to get to THAT.

Because I'm mainly here at this point for Jaxon and Flint and whatever scraps of them I can get. And I WANT that spin-off book. I want my gay dragon vampire story. I do. And I deserve that.

In the meantime I know there's a lawsuit going on with Tracy Wolff and her editor, and I'd be pissed if I were her. It sounds like Tracy Wolff wanted to write a series that was nostalgic for Twilight and The Vampire Diaries, and her editor fed her a concept and ideas another author had created and written. It's sad because clearly Wolff actually created her characters, world, and wrote her own story, but knowing large parts of it she thought were her collaborator's ideas turning out to be plagiarized has to sting. I don't think she's the guilty party here and I don't think it should stop her from writing more books - I honestly expect to see them settle out of court or something with a caveat that the OG author is credited as a partial creator in future printings, but we'll see what a judge thinks.

I do have a soft-spot for this series because it reminds me of the vibe I was going for with the Lilac Xia-Jones stories when I started them. Another series I have to continue and have lots of plans for. But need to make new covers for...

So I have lots of work to do. But that's not new.

I have a really good cheeseburger waiting for me, but I'm not going to eat it until I've written at least 3k words. So that's how you know I'll get my writing for the day done today, instead of flaking out. :)

Anything That It Takes To Keep My Head Screwed On Straight

Title from Silence by Emmy Meli.

It's been slow-going trying to come out of my fog and embrace the new year. That doesn't mean it hasn't had its upsides, because it definitely has. The weather is getting fresher and warmer daily, the sun is showing his face more and more every day, and there's always something to do, which might be overwhelming, but still, at least there's always something to do, right?

For me, it means working on the new edition of Under His Touch. It's been a lot more of a project than I thought it would be, mostly because I was never planning to create a sequel but also because I've been in the mood to write, to draft, and now I have to hold myself down and engage the editing brain. I know I can do it.

I enjoy it. I know that too. I always have fun with editing, when it's developmental edits. But this, alas, is line edits. So it's a slow, tedious brand of work that is almost like writing, but much more agitating. And I'm not good at being agitated.

So I'm doing my best. But I'm also trying to read more: it's actually insane that this is the same brain that read an entire book a day in high school. I try now, but it takes me two to four days to get through books I'd read in one before.

Is it my brain aging? Is it from smoking too much weed? Is it just my natural pace slowing down? Or is it that I'm out of practice? I think it's a little bit of all these things, to be honest, but I'm doing my best. My reading goal for the year is only 80 books, which is 20 less than usual, but even with giving myself that break I've got six books behind somehow. I'm determined to catch up!

But first, I want to write. Like a lot. I don't know how I always put it off until it drives me insane, but then when I do it it's such a relief it makes up for it.

So, first, editing. Then do what I actually want to do.

Lose Your Head

*Title from Lose Your Head by London Grammar

I haven't been blogging in forever. Nobody really reads this blog, but that should make it more fun for me, not less: frankly I'm here for me, doing this for me. It keeps me on-focus and keeps me feeling like I have some momentum behind me. It helps me orient myself and remember what my goals are. Honestly, I know it's all about vlogging on Youtube/Twitch these days, but I'm never going to stop writing/blogging.

It may be retro, but whatever, retro used to be cool. I used to love reading Amanda Hocking's blog back in the day. Writers write, so it makes more sense for us to blog than vlog. I do love a lot of authortube, though, don't get me wrong. Liselle Sambury and Katie Wisemer and Kate Cavanaugh, Alexa Donne, stuff like that. They're great.

I just also love blogging. Even though I don't read any other blogs any more. But somebody needs to become a blogger icon and bring it back. I miss the vibes, I'm waiting for my blogger messiah. In the meantime I'm gonna keep writing.

I've been trying and failing to focus on this project...

I wrote my book Things We Sat At Midnight wayyyy back in 2014 or 2015. I don't remember which. I'm 99% sure it was 2015, but I've been sure and still been wrong before. What I DO remember is I wrote it in one day and I was stoned as fuck. I edited it and put it out that same day, too. Back then I was so obsessed with speed and proving I could churn things out quickly and have a pipeline of content like a traditional publishing house did. I was eighteen and I felt like I had so much to prove.

Now, looking back at it at 27, I think any self-publisher trying to keep up with, let alone compete with traditional publishers is wasting their time and their potential. It doesn't need to be proven anyway: most trad-pub authors put out one book a year while many self-pubbed authors are out here putting out like four books a year.

I just want to keep writing. That's my idea of success: words on a page.

I used to be able to leap into another world, now I have trouble getting outside of my own head and engaging with stories. I'm fighting to reconnect with that side of my creativity, my love of reading and writing that was all-encompassing and felt so natural. I miss it a lot.

It's harder to escape the world now. I was so idealistic when I started writing, and now I feel guilty for engaging in fantasy while other people are being bombed, or killed, or violated. I miss my old self, I miss my old friends, I miss the world of 2011, 2012, 2013, when I felt nature was alive, the future was bright and hopeful, and I was young and full of promise, on the brink of my dreams.

Now every moment of joy or escapism feels fought-for and hard-won. And feels laced with guilt, shame.

I am slowly editing and rewriting Things We Saw At Midnight, feeling nostalgic for older, simpler times and vibes. I'm particularly working hard on the story Just Another Ordinary Monday, which is being re-named Worldspeak and heavily rewritten/expanded. It's been a hell of a job so far.

The story needs a lot more editing and improvement than I thought it would, but it's okay. I'm having fun despite the challenge. But I'm coming out of some writer's block and thinking things through. Rereading. Editing. Taking stock. I forgot how much I love/need/want/require outlines. And I do. Require outlines.

Discovery writing is fun, but so unreliable.

From Just Another Ordinary Monday Morning >to> Worldspeak, this story is going from short story to novella, which means a lot is getting expanded, several characters are getting more to do, and the stuff that was there needs significant re-writing too, so lots is changing, and it's been intimidating, but I think I'm slowly getting a grasp on it. So here's to finishing this story as soon as possible so I can share it with somebody, anybody!

Shiny Outlines

 I outlined a new story last night, but I did it entirely on paper, which is curious for me. I am such a digital writer. I need a laptop or a computer or something, or I cannot get a novel done. A journal entry or a short story is fine to write on paper, and I like taking copious amounts of notes in journals and notebooks and a sketchbook or two, but I never have the urge to like write a novel entirely by hand. Who am I, Zoe Marriott? No, I am not, and that's probably a good thing because I could never pull off being a British person anyways.

The point is I was surprised how fun it was. I feel like this story is very pink/purple and so I used a bright pink pen and I outlined the entire first story out of a duology. I have vague ideas about what the sequel could be, but I'm not sure what the theme is so a lot of it is cloudy.

I may be saying too much, but it's either an engagement or a birthday party. But the first story is more of a seduction/trap so I'm worrying about that first.

I'm drafting it tonight but it's not as ambient because it was raining last night and I kept the window open for a bit and it was very nice. But I can write without the sound of rain. As long as I have a computer to do it on, seriously, I could not be a writer pre-80s or 90s and even then computers were so rough and ugly. I love modern tech. If I'm time traveling I'm brining my phone and tablet with me and if the locals think I'm a fabulous magician with amazing eyebrows and light-up paper, so be it. It's an amazing and totally awesome burden I'll just have to accept with grace and humility, because that's how powerful I am.

I'm even powerful enough to drink this cold coffee instead of reheating it. That's definitely not because I'm too lazy to walk to the kitchen. And now I'll go continue writing books people will hopefully read instead of ridiculous rambly blogs they definitely won't!

PS, the entire album Who I Am by Tasha Angela is amazing. Spotify kept recommending it so I checked it out and Who I Am, Uphill Battle, and The One are fantastic. I didn't love Chloe's new album BUT Cheatback is one of the best songs I've heard in years and she should definitely go country, 100% I think I like her pop music better when she's working as a team with Halle though, for sure.

I also am slowly making my way through Andrew Bird's discography and the song Sifters made me cry like a bitch the other day.

Also when I finish Rescue and share the book playlist it's gonna knock your guys's socks off, mark my words.

PSS, my new Amanda Hocking books (they're actually the old 2010 self-published editions with the turquoise covers) got here, but it's just the first two and I'm still waiting on Ascend. Once all three are reunited I'm gonna post some pics. Torn is a little worn but Switched is high quality as fuck, and the covers look so pretty in person!

Noodles, Red Bull, & Camp Nano Prep

 I was supposed to reformat Digital Demon and do some research/studying last night (according to me, myself, and I) but I cancelled my own plans and spent the night writing instead. I semi-outlined my Camp NaNoWriMo project, which looks like it's going to be a dark contemporary about grief, trauma, and forest fires/wildfires. And then there's also the short story/novella project I wrote half of last night that I cannot even begin to describe.

Or I guess I can describe it by saying it's Zelda: Twilight Princess vibes with a dash of Jim Henson type goodness thrown in? And maybe a sort of multiverse twist, which isn't so much of a twist because multiverses and many-worlds stuff is popular in the mainstream right now. Or maybe not, depending on how Marvel's multiverse movies are getting responded to. But that's not people hating the multiverse; it seems like the multiverse stuff in Dr. Strange was most of what people liked about it, aside from Wanda stans being Wanda stans. The truth is people just want it executed in a certain way.

All I know is I'm 6k words in and this story is cray-cray. I have a title for the Camp Nano novel but I'm not sharing it, and I only have a working title for the fantasy novella right now. But I have to go keep writing that.

I'm drinking Red Bull and listening to Crumbs by Rebecca Black, and I will probably spend the entire night on this. I'm 100% okay with that, though. It has an evil talking sword and lizard people! Did I mention the lizard people?!

Yeah, I'm #TeamReptoid all the way. Abduct me, aliens!

At some point tonight when this Red Bull has fueled a couple thousand words and I have scrounged up some beef Mr. Noodles I will post another blog, because for some reason I'm back on my blogging kick. Literally nobody uses or reads Blogger anymore as far as I know, except maybe for porn, but then, humans will use anything for porn, so I guess that's not new.

And maybe, MAYBE, if things go well, I will be able to post a quote from one of these WIPS later.

In The Trees, The Air, Everywhere But Here

 I'm still committed to bringing this blog back to life. Today at some point I want to edit and reformat some of my book pages with updated information and stuff, but for right now I figured a new post would be much better than nothing. Being an author is weird; I really don't like doing admin stuff but if I don't I feel weirdly restless and frustrated, so, there's gotta be a balance to be struck there.

I've been watching The Orville and while I can understand why season one got some harsh reviews (some of the jokes go on too long or feel too pointless, some of the worldbuilding details are too unspecified and unexplored) but for the most part I love it. The episodes with Liam Neeson (just a cameo) and Charlize Theron (carried her entire episode) were fantastic. Pria was an amazing character, it looks from TV Tropes like the fans wanted her to return but she never did, I figured throughout the entire episode it felt almost like a backdoor pilot for a spinoff she could carry.

I would love to work on a space union crew exploring the galaxy, having adventures, sure (who wouldn't, right, it feels redundant to even say so) BUT I know I would have bad luck and would be stuck wearing a color I don't like. Like, the green jackets on the Orville look amazing. And that one general in a purple jacket? Stunning. But the red and blue look a little patchy and cheap to me. And I'd never wear the yellow ones, I'd mutiny if I had to.

I made a playlist the other day for Atrocity, the sequel to Divinity, and I'm excited to start working on that. I do have a couple other projects I'm going to finish first, including a round of edits on Divinity. I don't know when the new edition will be out, since I've only edited half of chapter one, but it's already so much cleaner and more professional than it was.

I don't think the book was bad before by any means, but it's amazing I figured it was publishable with so many clunky sentences and fragments and weird phrasings. I am having a lot of fun giving it more professional shine. My writing and tastes have levelled up since I published this book back in 2017, but then again the entire world has changed so drastically since then that kind of figures. A plague and a war and a bunch of other stuff happened. Is happening. That's the crazy thing; it feels like it's in the past but we're all still living it, it's just become the daily reality so we barely second-guess it. It's hard to fathom totally.

This morning I made a list of author things I have to do today. Most of them revolve around Digital Demon (which is still available on Wattpad here!) and formatting the ebook for it. I have to spruce up my personal template and watch a couple of tutorials on ebook formatting.

I see such a big difference in quality between my formatting and the stuff in other ebooks so obviously the goal is to bridge that gap. Figure out how to add illustrations/images for my chapter breaks so I can include exclusive art, figure out how to space and format the margins better so it doesn't look as compacted or jarring on-screen, that sort of thing. They're fine details I'm sure a lot of readers don't pay much attention to, but they add up quickly.

My dream is to afford Vellum, but that's very expensive software, at least when you're broke, which I am. It sure looks intuitive and fun, though. Intuitive software suits me best, anything that looks ugly or too complex for no reason is instantly off-putting, but if something is designed with a very nice intuitive layout and I can learn it by using it instead of watching a billion tutorials, then we're rolling. Vellum seems like one of those programs. Design and user experience need to be focused on as much as function when you're trying to create a tool for mass-use.

Anyway, that's what I'm focusing on today; making Digital Demon more available in more forms to more people. And I figure part of that is singing its praises, so I might have another post about it later, because I want more people to read it, because it took a long time and I think it's good.

I put off editing that story for so long but I like the way it turned out a lot, so maybe that's a sign I should stop listening to my writer's block so much and just trust my own voice, right?

I watched Kiki's Delivery Service for the 30th time today and I cried again, multiple times. It just gets me like that. It's a quiet movie but so relatable. Kiki losing the ability to understand Gigi leaves me sobbing every time.

When Kiki says to Osono "I'm still a witch in training, so if I can't do magic I've lost everything!" it hits so hard because I've totally been there, as have most people: when you rest your entire identity and personhood and purpose of existence on one thing, and then it's taken from you? That rocks you to your core and can truly be such a hollowing and shocking experience you really feel like all is lost, all hope has fled.

For me that was placing my entire identity and personhood on being an artist, an author, and then when I got writer's block and stopped writing for years it basically gave me a nervous breakdown. I had no clue who I was or what worth I had without writing and being successful at it, and I felt like I'd failed utterly on every level. So I had to relearn who I was and develop my sense of identity and worth in other ways. But writing again definitely still feels like flying again, especially when I get into the all-encompassing flow state where you're flying by the seat of your pants, or I guess by how fast you can type, and you know nothing can ever slow you down or touch you. That fire. That's magic.

I'm gonna go try to write something and cook up some magic, but then once I get my daily words in, it's time for formatting and watching tutorials and the likes.

Oh, and Digital Demon is good and you should read it. It only has like 26 reads as of this writing compared to Shadows of Ourselves which has 80 thousand, so obviously that's a pretty big discrepancy. Of course Shadows is a much longer and much better book than Digital Demon, but I still want Demon to have its moment! So please check that out here.

Or keep an eye on this space for free epub/pdf downloads to appear later!

Life, Signs, Reasons, Snow & Fresh Starts

 I somehow didn't post for an entire year. It was probably for a million reasons. I had big plans, but most of them fell through. I didn't have anything to talk about, or so much I wanted to talk about I got anxious and psyched myself out of it. I had a billion dumb thoughts that I posted to Instagram stories instead of blogging about. People and animals died. Life lost its meaning for a while, and I lost the threads.

Lately I've been reminiscing about how much I used to blog. I really loved it. It didn't matter how many or how few people read it; a blog post could get two views and I was still getting joy out of it. I still love reading old blog posts from years ago.

I am writing. In little bursts here and there. And I did publish a novella a while back, called Digital Demon. Which you can read on Wattpad, right here!

The basic premise is that a demon comes out of a guy's computer and tries to eat him.

It took me two years to get around to editing that story; I wrote it in November or December 2020. I cannot believe it took me so long to stop procrastinating and obsessing over it and just force myself to edit it. But editing it took it from like 6k to around 12k words or higher. I don't remember the final wordcount, but it went from short story to novella and got a couple new scenes that got me really excited about the story again. In the end it only took a few days to edit it, I just wish it hadn't taken two years to get around to those two days, but such is clinical depression and lots of grief from lots of death.

Basically I have a lot going on right now writing-wise and I don't want to talk about any of it in great detail and jinx myself. But what I can talk about is that I'm downloading Final Fantasy 7 Remake to replay it, but it's making my internet slow as hell.

And I can tell you that I'm watching Troy: Fall of A City. It's been pretty corny so far but the main actor playing Paris/Alexander is hot, so I'll keep watching. The sets are nice too. The costumes feel weird, like they should have had some of the actors/characters switch wardrobes honestly. And I don't know if the actress playing Helen of Troy is serving what she needs to, she seems kind of alien. Either way I'm gonna continue with it.

But first I'm gonna grab some snacks and figure out what project I want to work on next. I'm gonna watch some Community and do some sketching while I do that, though.

Fallen Angels and Random Pitfalls: An Update

Once in a while things get very overwhelming and I tend to shut down and focus on the bare minimum tasks I feel are most important, and one of the things that falls by the wayside is this blog which very few of my readers actually keep up with - on the one hand, it means a lot of people don't actually read this information, but on the other, it means I get to post as many of my insane rantings and ravings as I like without being chased down with torches and pitchforks, and I'm okay with that.

That said, last time I posted a blog here it was NaNoWriMo, and I was very much looking forward to writing my sci-fi book The First Instinct. But since then plans have changed. I switched novels during NaNo to a paranormal romance called Sharp Hollows, but right now that's taken a backseat too. Mainly because NaNoWriMo was a total bust.

Also because I decided I should probably edit and release some other things before I start working on brand new full-length novels. For example, my short story Be Not Afraid!

Be Not Afraid was written, like, last November or December. It's a year old, and I'm kicking myself for not editing and releasing it sooner. I wrote two angel/demon themed short stories back to back, and this is one of them. You can find its Goodreads Page here. It's a very anime vibe coming from me, which I had fun with. It's got a giant spooky monster, a cool epic fight scene, and it feels very episodic/monster of the week, even though it's a standalone. At least for now.

Here's the cover:

I also added a page for it here on the blog. It will be up on Wattpad for free and maybe on this blog too, on it's official book/title page. I am looking to put out a couple more free stories in the coming weeks just because I have two or three I think would be really suited to it, and since right now I can't publish on certain retailers before the New Year (I've gotta get some new documents, rectify all my information on all my accounts, set up accounts with new distributors, etc) I might as well share things the only way I can.

Be Not Afraid, Digital Demon, and CerbIm: Blackout are the stories I'm thinking will be free, but for now keep an eye peeled for an update post where I share Be Not Afraid with official links and stuff.

I had a computer problem the other night and had to reset my PC and while I was doing so I decided I should upgrade to the new version of Scrivener because I was stuck on an outdated one. Scrivener 3 is amazing so far. I'm just hoping my payment actually goes through (it's still processing, and it should be fine, but these things make me nervous, lol) but so far I'm having fun exploring it! Even the thumbnail/taskbar icon is prettier.

In any news I'm spending Christmas morning editing this story and getting it ready, while I drink a little too much vodka, so I wanted to share the cover, aesthetic board, and some more news. I'm sure I've mentioned Be Not Afraid on this blog before, but it felt only proper to give it a real, focused introduction.

I hope your writing and reading goals are all successful and fun this holiday season! Much love, and Merry Xmas from me and mine. :)

 

NaNoWriMo Once More

 Finally. FINALLY. It is November.

I'm not going to lie, I had no idea whether or not I was going to participate in NaNoWriMo this year, but of course, here I am. It seems I can't resist the siren song of a fresh, shiny new idea. And NaNoWriMo always makes me nostalgic. It's comforting and familiar and nostalgic and honestly just what I need right now. I haven't written in weeks and I can't keep trying to force myself to edit with no results, so my approach needs to change.

I'm hoping that enjoying a familiar, fun writing challenge and writing a new standalone this month will help me get out of this weird personal funk I've been in and help with my recent bout of stubborn writer's block.

In this case writer's block is kind of code for 'heavy depressive episode' but that's just life. Weirdly enough everyone I know is dreading late fall and winter because of seasonal depression but I like early winter when it all feels fresh and clean and everything is coated in snow and ice, the frost is beautiful to me and just freshens everything up. I'm hoping it will help once it gets colder.

Also my NaNo project this year is THE FIRST INSTINCT an MM enemies to lovers romance about a bounty hunter and a criminal in the near-future/semi-futuristic setting of Belltower City, in the year 2035.

I'm kind of picturing it at least visually as being like the Minority Report tv show. It only got one season, but I liked the balance between future and present tech, fashion, etc. It's futuristic, but not insanely so, or in a corny way. It's that whole 'fifteen minutes into the future' approach. And I'm doing a Scooby-Doo type mystery where the baddie tries to pass as a spooky scary monster! I guess it's Scream by the way of Minority Report and Scooby-Doo.

I'll post more tomorrow when I have an actual wordcount and stuff, but in the meantime, the main characters names are Reese Hamilton and Yosef. Yosef has no last name yet, but that shall be remedied.

Restless Summer Chronicles

 It's been a long, weird summer, and I almost forgot it was summer at all until the other day the realization came to me that I haven't been swimming at all. I don't think I went swimming last summer either. It used to be my favorite part of the season. And now fall is right around the corner. But life gets in the way of simple things sometimes. It's been a hell of a last few months.

The other day the YouTube algorithm spat this song at me: Crush by Ethel Cain. I think it might be one of the best things I've heard in my whole life. It's been on repeat for that reason alone, but the music video itself is also really good.

I just can't get it out of my head. Something's been feeling weird lately, there's just something about you baby, maybe I'll just be crazy, and piss him off 'till he hates me...

Writing has been sort of happening? But not as much or as often as I like. I began editing the first of two short stories in a series which I have drafted the other night and I'm going to finish editing it today. I want to publish both of those online for free. Eventually I'll probably throw them on Amazon or other distributers for 99 cents, but probably not for another few months. Unless things move faster than I'm anticipating, but some things are just out of my hands for annoying reasons. My general plan is to make a blog for these two stories, give them and their world its own little corner where you can read them on their site or just download ebooks/pdfs for free.

I have a dentist's appointment soon and they just sent me the email to confirm I'm still coming, which I am, and which is very scary and weird to me. Actually, I'm excited and scared. Chaotic combo.

The thing is Canada covers other forms of healthcare but not dentistry. Other medical stuff I need is subsidized heavily so I still have to pay for some bits and pieces, but the cost is heavily reduced so I pay small fees. Not dental stuff, though. So it could be hundreds of dollars for an exam/cleaning. But I'm HOPING they'll remove a tooth. They don't guarantee extractions so who knows, but it's half-chipped and rotting and it annoys me. Which reminds me, I have to message my cousin and ask which gum disease she was just diagnosed with, because it runs on the paternal side of the family and both our dads have messed up teeth, and the way mine are going, I think I take after them.

The last dentist's office I had was really rude and condescending and I think that's part of why I'm nervous. It was only one doctor and his assistant who were like that - everyone else was nice, but still. Lingering anxiety.

I have lingering anxiety about everything though, so that's normal. I hear cars drive around the area I live in right now and that gives me anxiety. Why? Hell if I know. A million reasons. But it all compounds and makes it hard to do anything.

Earlier I attempted to make noodles, but failed miserably. It hurt it a lot that I was out of milk and the recipe called for a cup of it. That said I'm still hungry as hell so I have to choose what to make soon and I've got no idea and no real preference. Everything seems equally gross. Except garlic rolls. But those would require some good sauce, which I also don't have. So here I am, frustrated, hungry, with a sore jaw and a chipped tooth, and no idea what to eat.

I don't wanna say it's a bad day, but it's certainly not a good one. I'm kind of over this summer. I wish it was fall already. Or winter. Winter is amazing.

~

Okay, new development: I found sauce. I cooked those garlic fingers. Then I saw the sauce had expired months ago. Then I ate the garlic fingers anyway. I ended up trying Greco's new hamburger pizza that night and...it was a hard no from me. Total pass. The hamburger was grey and kind of rubbery, and the pizza just wasn't good. I do love Greco's sauce and crust though; the parmesan crust is deadly.

I also ended up going to my dentist's appointment; it cost $350 bucks to extract that tooth. It took thirty minutes, two forms of painkiller, a drill, and it was a very scary, weird experience. It wasn't that bad though; the dentist and his assistant were very nice, polite, and professional here. It was a bit awkward because my small talk skills are non-existent, but I was so relieved.

The next morning I woke up and the first thing I felt was relief, and that's a new one for me. I knew the tooth was hurting me, and it was causing me stress, but I had underestimated just how much of my time and energy was spent either trying to take care of that gross rotting tooth to keep it from deteriorating further, or just worrying about the situation and my pain in general. Now all of that is gone at once, I feel like a weight is off of my shoulders.

I no longer have to worry about the rot or pain, but I also have less trouble eating, keeping my mouth clean, etc.

I grabbed a new pair of shoes while I was out (green converse) bought some new boxers, grabbed a couple of books - I got Crossed and Reached by Ally Condie. Matched is one of my favorite books but I never read the sequels. I also grabbed The Silver Gate by Kristin Bailey for like three bucks at Giant Tiger. God Bless. I should've grabbed more books while I was there but I wasn't aware my other favorite bookshop in the area was closed that day, so it was too late.

It was pretty hard avoiding solid food and smoking and coffee for like three days after my tooth was taken out, but by now it's healing (it's been two weeks since I wrote the first half of this blog) so I'm back on my bullshit. I had popcorn for the first time in that two weeks yesterday and it was amazing.

So yeah. My extraction went well and as usual none of my worst-case scenarios came true. It was a good day and it led to nothing but relief.

If you think that means I learned my lesson about imagining worst-case scenarios to stress over, though, you're delusional.

The next blog post will probably include an announcement or book release tidbit about CerbIm 1 & 2, so keep an eye out. ;D They're fun sci-fi shorts I've had sitting around since January begging me to edit them. So I am.

CerbIm 1: How To Save Your Cactus During A Futuristic Blackout

CerbIm 2: How To Fall In Love With Your Criminal Best Friend

Both of these stories are fun, cute, and flashy, and they'll both be out at around the same time. No more procrastinating for me.

Returning To Roots

 Oh look, it's another instalment in the endless saga of theme changes this blog has been through! Well don't worry, folks. I think this one is here to stay! I really enjoy it. I've neglected this blog for far too long because:

1) I figured Blogger was dying (and it kind of is, I guess, but I don't care anymore).

2) I figured nobody was reading it (which isn't totally true, but it wouldn't be a big deal if it was).

3) I am very intimidated by picking out a blog theme. It's hard. I've seen people call blogs just like mine ugly and clunky, but I don't care. This design/theme makes me nostalgic for a ton of other author blogs I used to follow.

Now I've just accepted this is what my blog looks like and this is what I want it to look like. It's nostalgic. It's retro. It's...very, like, 2009-2011 YA author vibes, and you know what? That's when I was in middle school dreaming of being an author, and the paranormal romance trend was at its peak, and I miss that. Plus I don't really like 'sleek' minimalist blogger themes. I need a good one-column text-based theme for my blog. Simple and clean.

Not, like, the Utada Hikaru song, either, although that is a bop.

My Kingdom Hearts nostalgia might be in overdrive right now because I've been playing through FF7 Remake - thanks, PS Plus! - and loving it. Cloud is such a nerdy twink and everybody is flirting with him, and Aerith is a queen! I figured she might be an overrated character, because I've only ever seen bits and pieces of her so I wasn't sure if she deserved her popularity, but she's so funny and full of personality. I worried she might just be a blank slate 'nice girl' for Cloud to mourn, but she's really cool and has more personality than he does, lol.

Anyway I just wanted to briefly pop in and announce the reasoning behind my reversion to this simple old theme and the black/purple color palette I used to use. It just feels right to me. I think it's nice. Even though it is slightly clunky, but I think that may be part of the charm.

And, since I am going to keep writing on here no matter what, I'll probably try to find a way to direct attention to this site on other social media platforms. My favorite authors all ditched blogger for like, Twitter, but Twitter makes me suicidal. And Instagram is cool but I don't feel like me or my surroundings are pretty enough to post there except on Stories. So I'm determined to make this blog come alive again.

Alexa Donne was saying in one of her newer videos about author branding and marketing and how to avoid burnout with both, that blogs might not be as popular as they used to be, but that the written word is just a more enjoyable format for some people, and I know that rings true for me. For some of us that just won't change.

Plus it's hard coming up with content ideas. I want to explore new mediums of content, but some of them are very intimidating, and you also have to figure out how to make them compatible with social media in order to actually share them and create interaction. So that's intimidating. But I like blogging. I'm good at it. Even if it isn't a hugely popular form of content anymore. I can't be the only one who still enjoys blogs, right?

Another really smart thing Alexa Donne said in that video is that mailing lists are kind of over (because everyone has one and they're all kind of the same and they're pretty much just blog posts in email format anyway) and I'm happy about it because I honestly never figured my mailing list out. Shit's a mess.

Anyway, that's all on my end. If you need me, I will be writing gay stuff, playing Final Fantasy, and eating directly from my shirt pocket which is currently full of a handful of loose jelly beans, because that's what a heathen I've become during this pandemic.

Xoxo, Gossip Girl :D Nah, just kidding...I wish, though.

There Is Nothing But Ice

 It's insane to think that pretty soon it's going to be winter - the leaves all fell so quickly I pretty much missed it. I guess I should look up more. :/

Some insane stuff was happening in my personal life lately, so this blog has been neglected as a result. I didn't forget about it (even though nobody really reads it, or at least very few people do) and I'm not going to abandon it. I mean, I do abandon it for months at a time sometimes, but I always intend to come back.

I mostly just want to keep a log of what I'm working on and when, what my mindset is regarding my books and my writing, etc. It's useful to me when I'm looking back, and it's a nice momento to have for my writing life.

I'm back on Prozac (those aforementioned insane things happening in my personal life demanded I face my demons) so that's slowly been kicking into my system and I'm settling into a new sort of normal. Medicated normal. Which is good, because I need to be. Mental health issues are so easy to ignore and push-off dealing with until it's almost too late, but I got a couple large wake-up calls and I had to rely on my family and my doctor to make the right choice for me.

Prozac worked really well when I was on it back in high school, so I'm hoping revisiting it as an adult is an equal or greater success. I probably shouldn't have stopped taking it, but that's a learning experience, I guess.

Still, stuff will hopefully be better from here on out.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about zombies and dragons, and now I'm working on a project that has both. I have to get them both done before NaNoWriMo, because God Damn, I am going to sit down and hammer out my vampire serial for NaNo if it kills me. And if it does, maybe I'll even get to come back as a sexy fanged goth femboi fiend. :) I bet immortality would be fun. It would have to be that cool X-Men regenerating properties kind of immortality though, because what's the point of living forever if you're not also a super-cool badass?

The first episode of that vampire serial is written, but I don't think I've mentioned it here and I am not naming it until I have more work done on it. I have loose outlines for the first four to five stories. There's going to be six in the first season.

But it doesn't matter, 'cause I have too much to do before thinking about that. No vampires for the next ten days of October; these days are about white blizzards, snow-frosted dragons, and magical artifacts.

I am putting out a pretty new edition of Iceblood soon! Maybe early next month, which seems way too far away even though the dates I'm looking at are like, 12-12 days away, lol. It's not going to have any real changes in it, it's just a new cover to go along with the new sequels and their stunning covers. I love the new cover of Iceblood, though, it's finally just right and it really suits the story more than any of the previous covers. I think Iceblood and Blood of Midnight were the two hardest books to put covers to, for me, which is why they've been through so many.

If I'm being honest, Rage & Frenzy may need new covers soon as well, but I'm not thinking about that right now! Here's a little thumbnail version of the new Iceblood cover for your enjoyment, though:

Books 2 & 3 are going to be called Scoundrel and Catalyst! I hope you guys will really check them all out and enjoy them. And really, I hope enough people buy them that I can afford to get Cyberpunk2077 next month, but that's probably a pipe dream, ha.

More later. Time to write write write! If you guys are doing NaNo next month comment about your plans and motivations below! I'd love to hear about people's preptober activities!

My Top 5 YA Standalones (Quarantine Reading List Edition!)

I've been eyeing ideas for a couple of different standalone novels recently and it's got me asking myself what I think constitutes a good standalone novel, what makes it more beneficial for a story to be a single piece rather than a series, etc.

In the process I've obviously been revisiting a lot of the standalones I've loved in the past. And I decided a few of them are a little too slept on by the bookish side of the internet.

So, here's my shoutout for my top 5 YA standalones that I think deserve more love. If you're trying to capitalize on your quarantine lockdown time to read more, here's a couple titles your TBR could benefit from meeting.

5: Daughter of Deep Silence by Carrie Ryan

Do you like revenge? Do you like mysteries? Do you like thrilling, dangerous situations involving rich, beautiful people and their shocking, dirty, blood-stained scandals? Do you enjoy a nice Old American lavish murder mystery aesthetic? If the answer to any of these questions is yes or veering in the general territory of yes, then hi! I have a book for you.

Daughter of Deep Silence is by the same author who wrote The Forest of Hands and Teeth, a popular YA zombie series known for being pretty darn brutal. Here she engages us with the tale of a girl named Frances who, after surviving a devastating terrorist massacre on a cruise ship, takes on the role of her dead friend Libby, with the help of Libby's father, in order to expose the cover-up and show the world the truth, while also taking her own revenge on the people responsible for the mass-murder she miraculously survived. After spending years away in Europe, Frances, now living as 'Libby' returns to America in the wake of her adoptive father's death in order to put their long-laid plans for revenge into play, starting with the senator leading the cover up, and his handsome young son, the only boy on their cruise who ever overlooked the glamorous Libby for the plain and shy Frances. Naturally, hard feelings ensue, as 'Libby' lies, sabotages, schemes, and poisons her way into their lives in an insane, desperate attempt to find the truth and avenge her mother and father, and the real Libby, no matter what it costs her...

Sound insane? Sound amazing? Sound like something you binge-read at 3AM with a flashlight while your power is out? It is. Believe me. Been there, done that. And it was so, so worth it. Pick up a copy of this glamorous book ASAP if you can. (Or order it online, because hey, social distancing.)

4: More Than This by Patrick Ness

More Than This is a mystery box of a novel I think it's best if you go into blind, so I won't spoil too much of the plot. Our main character is a teen boy who just died. Now he's woken up in his old neighborhood, although it seems abandoned and damaged, and the memories of his past that haunt him are his only company as he attempts to discover the truth about his current predicament.

Patrick Ness wrote the Dr. Who spin-off BBC's Class, which only got one season. I thought it was superb YA and I only watched it because of him and because of this novel. I'm not a huge WHO fan, but I'm a massive fan of Mr. Ness and his writing, all because of this book. I first read it when I'd been awake for 24-hours, and was planning to go to bed ASAP. I told myself I'd read a single chapter or two at the most, and ended up staying up and reading the whole book in two sittings. I had to put it down halfway through and go on a short walk because I was way too anxious over the plot and characters. Ness builds a ton of dread and tension by expertly unwinding multiple mysteries and narratives all at once, and it's honestly amazing to behold.

The vagueness of this book, the cover, the blurb, the John Green blurb on the cover, etc, all put me off of it for a while, but when I did eventually grab a copy and get into it, I was so glad I hadn't let my original reservations keep me away. This novel is YA gold and should be considered as such.

Also for those of you who like super gay stuff (as do I) it has LGBT+ content, and it's OwnVoices fiction, too, which is always nice! It's always rewarding to see a gay man get praised and be successful for writing gay male characters, since in the YA sphere, it's usually female authors leading the charge with gay/bi male content.

3: Origin by Jessica Khoury

Origin is the story of a girl named Pia who is immortal and impervious to all injury. Created by a group of dedicated scientists situated deep in the Amazon rainforest, she's the result of dubious genetic experiments and is sheltered, her information about the outside world censored, even as she is prepared to become a scientist in her own right and take over control of the laboratory one day. Once she sneaks out of her heavily guarded compound and meets a boy named Eio in the jungle, she begins to bond with him and his exploited indigenous tribe while they work to discover the hidden secrets of Pia's immortality.

Origin is a book that's close to my heart for various reasons, one being that I saw Jessica Khoury's posts on Query Boards back in 2011 or 2012. I knew of this novel before it was agented or published, and I loved watching her journey as an author. It's always nice to see somebody achieve their dreams and share in their excitement and enthusiasm. Another reason would be the happy memories I have attached to the book itself: in 2012 or 2013 just as I was about to start high school, I went school shopping with my mom one day, we took my dad's truck and went clothes and supplies shopping, it was a beautiful spring day and she let me peek inside the bookstore and pick something out for myself. I was immediately drawn to this book as I recognized the cover and I cherish it to this day as part of a fun, sunny memory with my mom. Which I should consider myself lucky for, considering Pia's mom? She's kind of a nightmare.

Pia's story is about rebellion, self-declaration, and loyalty to a cause, no matter what it costs you personally. I find it beautifully written - I know not everybody loves first-person, present-tense, but for me it's always been a personal favorite. From the mysterious compound and their hidden agendas, to the rush of first love between Pia and Eio, to the intense action scenes, I genuinely adore this novel.

Since its publication it's no longer technically a standalone; it has several 'companion' novels, but none of them are direct sequels, simply books set in the same world and genre about completely unrelated scenarios and characters. The sole connecting thread being the 'Corpus' company. Pia's story is just one of several in an anthology, so I think technically it can still be called a standalone, so I'm slapping it on here. It deserves it.

2: Tiger Lily by Jodi Lynn Anderson

It should be a crime to send your child to school like it's any normal old day after they've stayed up late reading this gem of a novel. Or at least that's what I would tell my own parents if they still listened to any of my insane ramblings. I read this in one night back when I was in middle school. No sleep that night, for sure. It was worth it, even though I was comatose the next day.

Tiger Lily is a novel that demands your attention and refuses to yield it until you've read it all. You can not simply 'pace yourself' with this one. It tells the story of Peter Pan and Tiger Lily, from the perspective of the fairy Tinker Bell. It rips out your heart unapologetically and stomps on it for fun, and it expects you to say thank you, and you should. I was hardly expecting a novel like this when I went into it, but Tiger Lily is that rare book that creeps up on you and takes you by surprise. It lives up to any and all hype; it's lyrical and lush, it's enchanting, like all fairy tales should be, and it reveals a dozen new sides to the story of Peter Pan and adds a new dimension to the life of this famous island and its inhabitants, from Hook to the Lost Boys, to Tink herself.

I have read a few other YA re-tellings/sequels/spin-offs of Peter Pan and I usually walk away disappointed. I ask myself why I even still do this and keep opening a can of worms I know is sour and gross as all hell. It's because of books like this, though, the kind there's no accounting for.

I think Anderson also deserves much credit for writing a firsthand account from a character who hardly speaks, can't properly communicate, etc. Tink is truly a silent witness and it's rare to see an author pull off a main character from a first-person POV like that with such grace. She was at the top of her game here, on every last page. We love to see it.

1: The Minnow by Diana Sweeney

The Minnow more than deserves the number one spot on this list. A heartbreaking, mature-skewered dark YA contemporary with lyrical prose and surrealist imagery, it features an orphaned main character whose hometown was the victim of a devastating flood. In the aftermath of this natural disaster she ekes out a living in a new world that she struggles to cope with, while attempting to balance visits with her aging grandmother who lives in a home and grappling with her own unexpected pregnancy by a much older man. A crystal clear glimpse into grief, trauma, small-town poverty, family ties, and the strength of a community, The Minnow is optimistic, but never naively so, and unrelentingly beautiful; a novel that reads like looking at stained glass feels.

I wasn't sure which genre this book was before I went into it initially; I'd received a copy on NetGalley and I figured the cover was lovely so I'd give it a try. I ended up discovering one of my favorite novels of all time.

The Minnow pulls zero punches, and it's best if you make peace with being heartbroken again and again before going in, because that's what you're in for. I can't stress enough how much I love this novel, the vivid world and characters, and the cutting voice Sweeney uses to illustrate the life of her main character. I think it's one of those desperately underrated books that could stand the test of time and become a classic, if only somebody would shine a light on it, so here I am, trying to do just that.

Thus concludes our (my) top-5! Comment below and tell me what your favorite YA standalone is, because I'd love to check out some more incredible books.

If you enjoyed this list you could always check out more of my content, or pick up a copy of my newest story, Faces in Weeds, a horror thriller set in the south! Get it here.

This Is Not Enough

I'm still working on editing Force. It's been a long, grueling job - mostly because of my own procrastination, but let's ignore that - and I'm not pulling my hair out yet, but I might be close. Which would be bad, because I cut my own hair recently and I really like how it turned out. I'd rather not mess it up. Or mess up my book.

I was saying on Goodreads a few days ago that it will probably be out on the 12th, which is tomorrow, and that is so not happening. That said it's going to be soon. I'm not even saying a date because at this point it's comical how many times I've delayed this book. Novella. Whatever it is.

I really do love it, and I think it's super good, which is why I need to take my time with it and make sure it's perfect before I put it out. I don't want to have to touch it for another five to ten years; I already have way too many books I need to update the backmatter and front copy material for and it's such annoying grunt work to have to update it every two or three years for every title...

I finished Shadow of The Tomb Raider the other night and was underwhelmed with the ending. I wish they'd announce the next game already, but I try to be patient. It's obvious there has to be another one because, well...money. Companies like money. And in return they better keep blessing us with these Tomb Raider adventures.

Anyway, now it's back to playing Fallout 4 every other night for hours on end. I really, really love the Fallout universe and the atmosphere but I hate that this installment really wants me to care about my randomly generated spouse and baby. Let me make my own backstory please! The Courier was ideal as a blank slate, but I was also fine with the Fallout 3 backstory. The backstory for the player character in 4 is just way too involved and detailed. Dead/absent parents are one thing, but making players roleplay a parent who had a hetero marriage and basing so much of the story around it removes so many roleplay and character options, and that's half of what the fans love...

Honestly if I could have one DLC for this game it would be to edit Pickman and make him a fully fleshed-out character and available companion. It would be so good. Painting with blood only makes you a psychopath if you're not using raider blood, guys. IT'S TECHNICALLY A PUBLIC SERVICE.

It's a lot of fun to make your own characters in video games though, whether you're developing new OCs or just creating versions of existing ones, it's a lot of fun. When I was playing Dragon's Dogma last summer I made Dru and Vincent from my book Blood of Midnight and played with Dru as the arisen and Vincent my main pawn. That game is literally Dungeons and Dragons come to life and I adore it.*

(*And I never beat the game, so I have to go load up this save and play some more soon. I'm like barely into it, and it's huge, and I have so much to explore. I really do recommend it, even though I've been taking my sweet time getting back to it since I got my ps4.)

Aside from wandering the radioactive wastes I have been making progress on Force and the general outline/timeline/plans for the series as a whole. It's going to be 5 main installments ranging in length from 25k to 45k, and at least one short story of unknown length. I'm really excited for it, it's not like it's redefining the superhero genre or anything of the sort, but it is a cool, confident story. It's heavily influenced by the song Coming Right Along by The Posies, at least tonally/emotionally. I was listening to that on repeat while drafting the first story back in November 2019.

I've got a lot of editing to do tonight, but I do have a lot of faith this story is coming out soon. No sooner than it's ready, but soon.

In the meantime my new short story Faces in Weeds has gotten like no love, though not for lack of deserving it. If you'd like to read it you can check it out here for 99 cents. It's about a girl who commits a murder and her attempts to cover it up, and it's set in Georgia. Also, today's title comes from the song All The Things She Said. Poppy just released a new cover of it and I've been listening non-stop. I like it much better than the original, not going to lie.

The One Where I Get Anxiety From Everything & I Play Tomb Raider About It Instead of Coping

I think I've neglected this blog enough for the year. I've also been neglecting my personal diary, so there's enough of that to go around, but tonight I'm saying no more, and I am going to update both!

I have seriously been slacking off lately. My work has gone untouched while I play more Tomb Raider than I have any right to. I bought Rise and Shadow so I've been running through them both for the first time. I love Rise most, it's got the sturdiest writing and I think the world is more open. Shadow is fun though, it's got beautiful puzzles and more challenging tombs, although some of them have wonky spots in them. I also enjoy the more emotional moments between Lara and Jonah. She's been bottling up her angst for an installment or two and seeing it all pile up and break out is amazing.

The first game is still my favorite and always will be, though. It felt the most emotionally complex and grounded at the same time, even with the samurai zombies and stuff. I feel like we've never understood Lara and seen inside her mindset as much as we did in the first game. In Rise and Shadow she's bad-ass, sure, but she's also more withdrawn and it's hard to really get into her mind even with her journal entries.

I'm not going to play video games tonight until much later, though, because I'm determined as all hell to get in a round of editing on Force tonight. I only need to update and clarify a few things but I've pushed back the release date so many times and now it's ten days away so it needs a bit more brushing up before I finally put it out.

For those of you who don't follow, Force is book/novella 1 in my Superhero High serial that I recently announced. The Goodreads page is up, and it's got the placeholder cover and a cool blurb, as well as a bit more information. The proposed release date this time is on the 12th of this month, and it's making me majorly anxious because I'm not ready, never mind the book itself. I know it's good, but release is making me antsy. What if nobody reads it?! What if everybody reads it?! What if there's a huge gaping problem or plot hole I'm skipping over because I'm too close to it? And this is why I should stop neglecting my journal; it causes me to build up way too much anxiety!

I'm going to go do some self-care and get my emotional and mental state in check, now, but that said you should definitely check out the Force page on Goodreads I linked above and add it to your TBR!

Thanks for reading. :3