In The Trees, The Air, Everywhere But Here

 I'm still committed to bringing this blog back to life. Today at some point I want to edit and reformat some of my book pages with updated information and stuff, but for right now I figured a new post would be much better than nothing. Being an author is weird; I really don't like doing admin stuff but if I don't I feel weirdly restless and frustrated, so, there's gotta be a balance to be struck there.

I've been watching The Orville and while I can understand why season one got some harsh reviews (some of the jokes go on too long or feel too pointless, some of the worldbuilding details are too unspecified and unexplored) but for the most part I love it. The episodes with Liam Neeson (just a cameo) and Charlize Theron (carried her entire episode) were fantastic. Pria was an amazing character, it looks from TV Tropes like the fans wanted her to return but she never did, I figured throughout the entire episode it felt almost like a backdoor pilot for a spinoff she could carry.

I would love to work on a space union crew exploring the galaxy, having adventures, sure (who wouldn't, right, it feels redundant to even say so) BUT I know I would have bad luck and would be stuck wearing a color I don't like. Like, the green jackets on the Orville look amazing. And that one general in a purple jacket? Stunning. But the red and blue look a little patchy and cheap to me. And I'd never wear the yellow ones, I'd mutiny if I had to.

I made a playlist the other day for Atrocity, the sequel to Divinity, and I'm excited to start working on that. I do have a couple other projects I'm going to finish first, including a round of edits on Divinity. I don't know when the new edition will be out, since I've only edited half of chapter one, but it's already so much cleaner and more professional than it was.

I don't think the book was bad before by any means, but it's amazing I figured it was publishable with so many clunky sentences and fragments and weird phrasings. I am having a lot of fun giving it more professional shine. My writing and tastes have levelled up since I published this book back in 2017, but then again the entire world has changed so drastically since then that kind of figures. A plague and a war and a bunch of other stuff happened. Is happening. That's the crazy thing; it feels like it's in the past but we're all still living it, it's just become the daily reality so we barely second-guess it. It's hard to fathom totally.

This morning I made a list of author things I have to do today. Most of them revolve around Digital Demon (which is still available on Wattpad here!) and formatting the ebook for it. I have to spruce up my personal template and watch a couple of tutorials on ebook formatting.

I see such a big difference in quality between my formatting and the stuff in other ebooks so obviously the goal is to bridge that gap. Figure out how to add illustrations/images for my chapter breaks so I can include exclusive art, figure out how to space and format the margins better so it doesn't look as compacted or jarring on-screen, that sort of thing. They're fine details I'm sure a lot of readers don't pay much attention to, but they add up quickly.

My dream is to afford Vellum, but that's very expensive software, at least when you're broke, which I am. It sure looks intuitive and fun, though. Intuitive software suits me best, anything that looks ugly or too complex for no reason is instantly off-putting, but if something is designed with a very nice intuitive layout and I can learn it by using it instead of watching a billion tutorials, then we're rolling. Vellum seems like one of those programs. Design and user experience need to be focused on as much as function when you're trying to create a tool for mass-use.

Anyway, that's what I'm focusing on today; making Digital Demon more available in more forms to more people. And I figure part of that is singing its praises, so I might have another post about it later, because I want more people to read it, because it took a long time and I think it's good.

I put off editing that story for so long but I like the way it turned out a lot, so maybe that's a sign I should stop listening to my writer's block so much and just trust my own voice, right?

I watched Kiki's Delivery Service for the 30th time today and I cried again, multiple times. It just gets me like that. It's a quiet movie but so relatable. Kiki losing the ability to understand Gigi leaves me sobbing every time.

When Kiki says to Osono "I'm still a witch in training, so if I can't do magic I've lost everything!" it hits so hard because I've totally been there, as have most people: when you rest your entire identity and personhood and purpose of existence on one thing, and then it's taken from you? That rocks you to your core and can truly be such a hollowing and shocking experience you really feel like all is lost, all hope has fled.

For me that was placing my entire identity and personhood on being an artist, an author, and then when I got writer's block and stopped writing for years it basically gave me a nervous breakdown. I had no clue who I was or what worth I had without writing and being successful at it, and I felt like I'd failed utterly on every level. So I had to relearn who I was and develop my sense of identity and worth in other ways. But writing again definitely still feels like flying again, especially when I get into the all-encompassing flow state where you're flying by the seat of your pants, or I guess by how fast you can type, and you know nothing can ever slow you down or touch you. That fire. That's magic.

I'm gonna go try to write something and cook up some magic, but then once I get my daily words in, it's time for formatting and watching tutorials and the likes.

Oh, and Digital Demon is good and you should read it. It only has like 26 reads as of this writing compared to Shadows of Ourselves which has 80 thousand, so obviously that's a pretty big discrepancy. Of course Shadows is a much longer and much better book than Digital Demon, but I still want Demon to have its moment! So please check that out here.

Or keep an eye on this space for free epub/pdf downloads to appear later!

Returning To Roots

 Oh look, it's another instalment in the endless saga of theme changes this blog has been through! Well don't worry, folks. I think this one is here to stay! I really enjoy it. I've neglected this blog for far too long because:

1) I figured Blogger was dying (and it kind of is, I guess, but I don't care anymore).

2) I figured nobody was reading it (which isn't totally true, but it wouldn't be a big deal if it was).

3) I am very intimidated by picking out a blog theme. It's hard. I've seen people call blogs just like mine ugly and clunky, but I don't care. This design/theme makes me nostalgic for a ton of other author blogs I used to follow.

Now I've just accepted this is what my blog looks like and this is what I want it to look like. It's nostalgic. It's retro. It's...very, like, 2009-2011 YA author vibes, and you know what? That's when I was in middle school dreaming of being an author, and the paranormal romance trend was at its peak, and I miss that. Plus I don't really like 'sleek' minimalist blogger themes. I need a good one-column text-based theme for my blog. Simple and clean.

Not, like, the Utada Hikaru song, either, although that is a bop.

My Kingdom Hearts nostalgia might be in overdrive right now because I've been playing through FF7 Remake - thanks, PS Plus! - and loving it. Cloud is such a nerdy twink and everybody is flirting with him, and Aerith is a queen! I figured she might be an overrated character, because I've only ever seen bits and pieces of her so I wasn't sure if she deserved her popularity, but she's so funny and full of personality. I worried she might just be a blank slate 'nice girl' for Cloud to mourn, but she's really cool and has more personality than he does, lol.

Anyway I just wanted to briefly pop in and announce the reasoning behind my reversion to this simple old theme and the black/purple color palette I used to use. It just feels right to me. I think it's nice. Even though it is slightly clunky, but I think that may be part of the charm.

And, since I am going to keep writing on here no matter what, I'll probably try to find a way to direct attention to this site on other social media platforms. My favorite authors all ditched blogger for like, Twitter, but Twitter makes me suicidal. And Instagram is cool but I don't feel like me or my surroundings are pretty enough to post there except on Stories. So I'm determined to make this blog come alive again.

Alexa Donne was saying in one of her newer videos about author branding and marketing and how to avoid burnout with both, that blogs might not be as popular as they used to be, but that the written word is just a more enjoyable format for some people, and I know that rings true for me. For some of us that just won't change.

Plus it's hard coming up with content ideas. I want to explore new mediums of content, but some of them are very intimidating, and you also have to figure out how to make them compatible with social media in order to actually share them and create interaction. So that's intimidating. But I like blogging. I'm good at it. Even if it isn't a hugely popular form of content anymore. I can't be the only one who still enjoys blogs, right?

Another really smart thing Alexa Donne said in that video is that mailing lists are kind of over (because everyone has one and they're all kind of the same and they're pretty much just blog posts in email format anyway) and I'm happy about it because I honestly never figured my mailing list out. Shit's a mess.

Anyway, that's all on my end. If you need me, I will be writing gay stuff, playing Final Fantasy, and eating directly from my shirt pocket which is currently full of a handful of loose jelly beans, because that's what a heathen I've become during this pandemic.

Xoxo, Gossip Girl :D Nah, just kidding...I wish, though.

Counting All The Starfish

Today's title comes from the new Kitty album Rose Gold, because it's amazing and basically all I've been listening to for days.

I've been thinking recently about how I want to finish or continue the Deadheart series. Storm of Masks really didn't sell well, and I've considered revamping it with a new title and cover, or rewriting it entirely, or adding 25k words onto it to wrap the story up and publishing that as a new edition. But I think I owe it to myself and the characters to finish the story, and even though I have my issues with the first book, I don't think it's a bad book, it's just not my best, which in a way is comforting because it means there's nowhere for the story to go but up.

Storm of Masks is quaint and charming but I feel like it's too slow at times and there's not enough action or enough at stake. It definitely feels like a prologue to a much larger story. And to be fair, it is. But I think I could have added a few sequences or scenarios to easily improve it that I just didn't see at the time, and I feel like Eric stood out a little more than Jen, which isn't that fair considering she's the main character.

So I'm writing the next three books. And they'll be better, and I'll give the characters more to do. I still love Storm of Masks, I just think it could do with a few thousand words being cut off, and a whole lot more added. I didn't explore certain things to their full potential, but going forward it will be more balanced and exciting. There are plenty of book series with slower starts though, so I think it's fine.

One thing I really want to do is develop the romance more. I feel like Jenna and Carter fell a little flat in the first book and I want people to care more about their romance and feel like it has actual stakes. The romance in this series is actually going to be pretty unconventional. It starts out as a love triangle but it's definitely not that, because Carter and Todd have as much romantic tension with each other as they do with Jen.

Carter is going to get some interesting storylines to say the least. I think book two will be a lot of fun to write because it's essentially a wham episode where a bunch of big, crazy things happen and people die and characters are gaining new powers and testing their relationships. Jen, Cayla, and Nora get more of a chance to shine, so Cayla feels like less of a token trans character and Nora feels like less of a crazy best friend cliche which I feel like there's too much of in YA, even though it's one of the tropes I love. Plus the new villain(s) will be borderline psychopathic.

So, there's that to look forward to. Oh. And the pretty covers. They're beautiful.

I'm gonna go play video games and drink another coffee to wake up before I start writing for the day, but I'll have a new post or two up tomorrow! As I'm finishing up this post a huge bolt of thunder struck and I think lightning just hit right outside my house, it's one of the loudest things I've ever heard and my dogs are spooked. It's raining pretty hard too, but the rain is nice.

Anyway. That's all I've got, folks!

Rich Bitche$ Don't Die

Can we talk about how iconic Iggy Azalea's new EP is?

It's a bop.

I've also been listening to a lot of Sky Ferreira's cover of Voices Carry;

Truly iconic! She needs to put out a new album pronto. I do appreciate that the photo she used for this track is totally taken from Huji Cam, because, damn, do I relate. That app saved my life. (And aesthetic. Which is arguably more important.)

Honestly I've been putting off writing for days to work on music. I'm working on a novella about gargoyles right now, but God knows when that will be out. I still fully intend to publish the new edition of Souls of Salt and Seawater this month, and update the current edition of Shadows with a clean, firmer round of edits. However I probably won't be able to put out the special edition of Shadows until next month.

It's pesky to wait, I know, but I'm juggling a lot and I don't want it to feel rushed or sloppy. These characters deserve better.

I have so much cool shit I wanna put out, but it's hard to keep up a constant work rhythm.

Or maybe I'm just making excuses for myself >.>

I wanted to put out the second Shadows novel before 2019, but it will probably come out in like mid-2019, I'm not going to lie. Which is disappointing, but again, these books deserve better than me rushing and being sloppy. I rushed out Storm of Masks early because I felt a big pressure to be more prolific and now I'm stuck in the boat of rewriting it entirely. And it will be a better book because of it, but it's embarrassing that the old version saw the light of day. Lesson learned.

In the next couple of months after revitalizing some old titles, my focus will be on hammering out a bunch of novellas and short stories. Like dozens of each. And I'm going to sit on every last one of them for at least a month and a half before putting them out.

So that's what's happening work-wise.

On the other side of things I've been doing my usual; vegging out, obsessing over the internet, drinking too much coffee, worrying about how it will affect my health, ignoring said worries to make even more coffee. You know. The works.

Honestly the other night I almost died, because I stumbled across a video of Michelle Buteau on YouTube and was almost shook enough to perish.

I hate standup comedy. It's just not my brand of humor and it doesn't help that most of my exposure to it had been watching really old white men just say straight up offensive things and then act like they made a joke. Which is stupid. And I'm into dark and/or racy humor, I like when people poke the bear and pull stunts, it's just those other comedians try to do it and it falls flat.

Then they cry about the PC police when really...it's just not that funny. Joke about race/sexuality/gender if you want, but make it entertaining or do something unique with it, you know?

Michelle does that. Her set was so good. When she called herself Raven Raven-Symoné I deadass had to pause the video because I was cackling too hard.

Her Dutch in-laws sound hilarious and her set was endearing and cute enough that the risks she took with more edgelord material didn't come across as hollow or trying too hard. It balanced out well and it just works. Plus she has a great personality and presence so she owns whatever she's doing--including when a joke bombs. Which, really NONE of the jokes should have bombed, but the audience was clearly shocked and didn't know what they were getting into with her, which makes it even funnier, because she gives zero fucks and makes it clear.

Obviously I immediately went and followed her on Instagram. Which, again, is weird for me, because I HATE standup comedy, and that's most of what she does for a living.

I just finished reading a short gay romance novella I downloaded the other day, and now I'm reading an m/m fantasy novel, and it's freaking wild. It's called Slave by Kate Aaron, and it's exactly what it sounds like; a slave in a fantasy world who is the only surviving member of his nomadic clan rescues another slave (a captured soldier from another country) from an auction by buying him to keep him out of the hands of more cruel, sadistic masters who want to rape and/or torture him to death.

So the main character is jealous of this new slave because he wants to continue being their masters favorite, and the new slave wants no part of any of it, except he kind of does because he comes from a homophobic country where men aren't even supposed to touch outside of fighting, and he may or may not be falling for the main character.

It's m/m/m between the two of them and their master and I'm honestly not sure how I feel about it? Like, slavery is BIG BAD. And the author kind of acknowledges that? But in a way that's like "Yeah slavery is bad, but our personal experience as slaves is cool because we kind of got lucky, so let's ignore all the iffy moral asides and focus on the romance, kay?"

I don't love that approach. And I'd like the world itself to be expanded on more.

HOWEVER. It seems like the sequels will get a little more political and ramp up the fantasy elements over the gay sex elements? And also develop their master further, which is good, since he's the only character of the three I don't love or understand so far, so him winning me over in any way would make his literal legal owning of these two other humans a lot more palatable? Because as it is I don't trust him? I mean I don't think he's /evil/ or would hurt them, but he's kind of ignorant of their situation and experiences?

Either way, the prose is quick and concise and the character dynamics are interesting. It's mostly a character study with fantasy window dressing. Which I'm cool with, I guess.

Anyway I'm going to wrap this up because I have way too much to do to keep blogging, but I may post again later today with some special stuff! 

Thanks for reading!

Check out my books here.

Someone Free Grimes (Plus Adventures in Puppysitting.)

Remember when Grimes put out the best album ever? Remember how we've been waiting for new material ever since and it hasn't happened?  Remember a couple months ago when she posted shady Tweets about her label and gave us some tea?

The only new music she's put out since then is a snippet of a new bop in an Apple commercial:

It sounds like a bop for sure, but we need it now, not later. I'd love to hear the full version. I'm glad more artists are going independent. Even if it means lower budgets at least it minimizes situations like this with shitty labels. It happens in publishing too, people get fucked over by their labels and publishers and management all the time. There are shady business practices and betrayals and drama. It makes my head spin.

I was watching an Emma Blackery video (I'm waiting for her new album too!) earlier where she talked about a chain bookstore basically blacklisting her and refusing to list her book or promote it because she got mad at them on Twitter for violating a release embargo on the book. Since when is that okay?

It's wild to me that people's entire careers are subject to random whims like this on the part of people higher up in the chain. Or to bandwagon hate, because that happens and ruins careers too. It's also weird how so many artists in the past just couldn't put things out on their own, at least not if they wanted decent exposure.

Now we have the Internet and everyone is kind of enabled to build a brand and name for themselves off of nothing. 

I recently put out a new EP on my SoundCloud called Plucked From Orbit:

(Listen Here)

I don't really make music with the expectation of being known for it or it gaining a lot of attraction. I just like tooling around with synths and different sequencers, and I like making glitchy sounds and album arts. For me it's more about enjoyment and the concepts than making /actual/ bops.

Although I do want to learn to make more mainstream sounding pop bops eventually. Right now I'm basically creating ASMR sounds :P

I'm supposed to be working on a new edition of Shadows to put out next month. But I'm a serial procrastinator, so instead of writing the new novella Lovecursed or updating my notes, I'm planning a new edition of Souls of Salt & Seawater. And listening to lots of Billie Eilish. Not gonna lie.

I've also just been stewing over how many good movies are coming out.

Aquaman, The Nun, Godzilla, that new Bella Thorne movie with the ghosts (it looks cheesy as hell, but that's half the fun) and stuff like Darkest Minds, Glass, Mary Queen of Scotts. I'm really excited for Riverdale season 3. Cults and supernatural elements? Sign me up. I didn't expect them to go full supernatural until season 4, but I'm all here for it.

A couple weeks ago I spent an entire royalty check on vodka, 'cause that's the kind of irresponsible human I am, and got smashed. My parents were having a huge party with dozens of people milling around and bonfires and camping and stuff, so that was a mess, and I didn't want to be sober throughout it, and I'm guessing neither did Kuma. We also babysat my brother's wild dog during the whole ordeal, and the thing is vicious. Also, my selfie stick finally came! Here's some snaps from the weekend:

(Otis is cute but don't let it fool you! He bites! He still thinks he's a lap dog, too...)

(Me & Kuma!)

(Testing the selfie stick, lol)

Now the vodka is all gone and I'm left with an empty wallet. Next time I get paid I'm buying charcoal toothpaste to remove the coffee stains from my teeth, and some charcoal face masks to go with it. I need to do something about this breakout. Ugh. 

I've gotta go take the dog for a walk and then come back and hammer away at this new edition of Shadows so I can finally share the cover with you. I only made it yesterday so I can't act like I've been sitting on it long, but it feels like it. It's very Pirates of the Caribbean... And I really have to go finish it, so I'll leave you with this here:

Thanks for reading!

Buy my books here.

Shadows of Ourselves New Cover! (Cover Reveal)

Y'ALL. LOOK AT THE PRETTY STUFF:

I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS COVER! I CAN'T EVEN!

I designed this cover for Wattpad, because I wanted to see if I could attract some new reads by changing up the face of the book. I love it so much, though, I might end up putting out a paperback edition of it at some point.

I'm working on buying stock for book two so I can have a cover in this style for that as well, with Hunter on it. I've already made one but I don't know if I love the model for Hunter, so I'm gonna re-do it once I buy the new pictures.

Anyway, I'm back to working on Dru Frost book 2! Which also has an amazing cover. I can't share that with you until I have a draft though, so...

Something Pretty...

Remember the new edition of Fierce Powers I mentioned in my last post? It's a thing now. And it's really pretty.

 

I'm in love with this cover, for obvious reasons. I hope it will turn more heads than the old one, which didn't really suit the book and was kind of bland.

I just published this so I'm hoping the new version will be live in a few hours. I'll post when it is!

I Am Your Fate Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen of I Am Your Fate is up on Wattpad! Only two episodes left in the first season, Break This Gilded Cage. Meaning soon the fancy, more polished, expanded version will be available on Amazon!

For now, you can read the entire story here!