Restless Summer Chronicles

 It's been a long, weird summer, and I almost forgot it was summer at all until the other day the realization came to me that I haven't been swimming at all. I don't think I went swimming last summer either. It used to be my favorite part of the season. And now fall is right around the corner. But life gets in the way of simple things sometimes. It's been a hell of a last few months.

The other day the YouTube algorithm spat this song at me: Crush by Ethel Cain. I think it might be one of the best things I've heard in my whole life. It's been on repeat for that reason alone, but the music video itself is also really good.

I just can't get it out of my head. Something's been feeling weird lately, there's just something about you baby, maybe I'll just be crazy, and piss him off 'till he hates me...

Writing has been sort of happening? But not as much or as often as I like. I began editing the first of two short stories in a series which I have drafted the other night and I'm going to finish editing it today. I want to publish both of those online for free. Eventually I'll probably throw them on Amazon or other distributers for 99 cents, but probably not for another few months. Unless things move faster than I'm anticipating, but some things are just out of my hands for annoying reasons. My general plan is to make a blog for these two stories, give them and their world its own little corner where you can read them on their site or just download ebooks/pdfs for free.

I have a dentist's appointment soon and they just sent me the email to confirm I'm still coming, which I am, and which is very scary and weird to me. Actually, I'm excited and scared. Chaotic combo.

The thing is Canada covers other forms of healthcare but not dentistry. Other medical stuff I need is subsidized heavily so I still have to pay for some bits and pieces, but the cost is heavily reduced so I pay small fees. Not dental stuff, though. So it could be hundreds of dollars for an exam/cleaning. But I'm HOPING they'll remove a tooth. They don't guarantee extractions so who knows, but it's half-chipped and rotting and it annoys me. Which reminds me, I have to message my cousin and ask which gum disease she was just diagnosed with, because it runs on the paternal side of the family and both our dads have messed up teeth, and the way mine are going, I think I take after them.

The last dentist's office I had was really rude and condescending and I think that's part of why I'm nervous. It was only one doctor and his assistant who were like that - everyone else was nice, but still. Lingering anxiety.

I have lingering anxiety about everything though, so that's normal. I hear cars drive around the area I live in right now and that gives me anxiety. Why? Hell if I know. A million reasons. But it all compounds and makes it hard to do anything.

Earlier I attempted to make noodles, but failed miserably. It hurt it a lot that I was out of milk and the recipe called for a cup of it. That said I'm still hungry as hell so I have to choose what to make soon and I've got no idea and no real preference. Everything seems equally gross. Except garlic rolls. But those would require some good sauce, which I also don't have. So here I am, frustrated, hungry, with a sore jaw and a chipped tooth, and no idea what to eat.

I don't wanna say it's a bad day, but it's certainly not a good one. I'm kind of over this summer. I wish it was fall already. Or winter. Winter is amazing.

~

Okay, new development: I found sauce. I cooked those garlic fingers. Then I saw the sauce had expired months ago. Then I ate the garlic fingers anyway. I ended up trying Greco's new hamburger pizza that night and...it was a hard no from me. Total pass. The hamburger was grey and kind of rubbery, and the pizza just wasn't good. I do love Greco's sauce and crust though; the parmesan crust is deadly.

I also ended up going to my dentist's appointment; it cost $350 bucks to extract that tooth. It took thirty minutes, two forms of painkiller, a drill, and it was a very scary, weird experience. It wasn't that bad though; the dentist and his assistant were very nice, polite, and professional here. It was a bit awkward because my small talk skills are non-existent, but I was so relieved.

The next morning I woke up and the first thing I felt was relief, and that's a new one for me. I knew the tooth was hurting me, and it was causing me stress, but I had underestimated just how much of my time and energy was spent either trying to take care of that gross rotting tooth to keep it from deteriorating further, or just worrying about the situation and my pain in general. Now all of that is gone at once, I feel like a weight is off of my shoulders.

I no longer have to worry about the rot or pain, but I also have less trouble eating, keeping my mouth clean, etc.

I grabbed a new pair of shoes while I was out (green converse) bought some new boxers, grabbed a couple of books - I got Crossed and Reached by Ally Condie. Matched is one of my favorite books but I never read the sequels. I also grabbed The Silver Gate by Kristin Bailey for like three bucks at Giant Tiger. God Bless. I should've grabbed more books while I was there but I wasn't aware my other favorite bookshop in the area was closed that day, so it was too late.

It was pretty hard avoiding solid food and smoking and coffee for like three days after my tooth was taken out, but by now it's healing (it's been two weeks since I wrote the first half of this blog) so I'm back on my bullshit. I had popcorn for the first time in that two weeks yesterday and it was amazing.

So yeah. My extraction went well and as usual none of my worst-case scenarios came true. It was a good day and it led to nothing but relief.

If you think that means I learned my lesson about imagining worst-case scenarios to stress over, though, you're delusional.

The next blog post will probably include an announcement or book release tidbit about CerbIm 1 & 2, so keep an eye out. ;D They're fun sci-fi shorts I've had sitting around since January begging me to edit them. So I am.

CerbIm 1: How To Save Your Cactus During A Futuristic Blackout

CerbIm 2: How To Fall In Love With Your Criminal Best Friend

Both of these stories are fun, cute, and flashy, and they'll both be out at around the same time. No more procrastinating for me.