A Throwback Quote

But for some reason it's not happening. The idea of writing just sounds so gross right now. I sit down to work and feel put-off and annoyed by it. I feel anxious and sort of depressed, which may be because I have anxiety and depression and am not on my medication right now, but may also not.

I don't know. I just need to have more confidence in myself. I need to sit down and just write and put everything out of my head, but I'm struggling with it.

-me, 2015

I was looking at my old old old blog from 2015 when I was back in high school and my pen name was still Oliver Urban. I cannot believe how much things change and how much they stay the same. I was struggling so much back then.

I'm not taking Prozac anymore, but depression and the cycles of it will always play a role in your writing if you have it. But I'm so happy to be in a creative bright spot now, where I am writing every day and having fun with it, writing what I want, how I want, not to prove anything to anybody, but because it lights up my soul, I enjoy it, it helps me feel healthier and I like manifesting and creating reality, although I think that might be an ego thing.

Either way I wanted to share this neat little tidbit because I thought it was funny and ironic. I'm doing so much better now but I definitely still feel this way sometimes. Right now it's all smooth sailing though.

I hope you all feel inspired with whatever you're creating! Also, remember back when I used to do author interviews? I might go into that again. I hate that I don't do it anymore and I figure it could be a fun time. I think it helps indie authors feel legit and have fun and it's part of the whole author dream people have, so it's always nice knowing I'm helping them have a chance to experience that and develop further confidence and an audience.

We'll see!

I Am A Total Liar (Here's Why) + NaNoWriMo!

 I wrote a blog post the other day where I totally just lied. I THINK I said my NaNoWriMo project this year was probably gonna be a dark contemporary. Or at least I said I was working on one. And it was gonna be my NaNo novel. That book about wildfires/grief is still in the works, but I'm not working on it this month. I'm gonna write a good old paranormal romance for NaNoWriMo instead.

It's called Lovely Omens and it's about witches and that's all I'm gonna say. It also has lots of cute animals. But that's it.

I think some of the ideas and vibes and stuff I'm putting into this book are ideas I've had in some form since 2013, so it's been a decade of wanting to write a witchy romance just like this. I have written witchy romance before, Shadows of Ourselves, anyone? And I will do it again. But this one is unique as fuck, if I do say so myself.

So. That's my NaNo vibe.

The playlist is mostly Smashing Pumpkins, Blur, The Pixies, My Bloody Valentine, etc. The more of this classic stuff I find the more Spotify wants to rec it to me. I like Blur and I've loved every Pixies song I've heard over the years, but both Smashing Pumpkins and My Bloody Valentine are 'classic' or semi-classic bands I've never listened to. I missed those pivotal phases. So I'm going through it now, and loving it. I think Smashing Pumpkin's will be Ophelia's favorite band.

I'm also putting a little Joy Division in there. And the new Melanie Martinez album is iconic, of course. But I'm gonna continue prepping and drinking and getting ready to write! Once midnight comes I gotta get in at least the first few chapters. I know exactly what scenes I want to open the novel with but I don't know fully how to pull it off.

I hope people like this romance. The guy, Gage (his original name was Gunnar, but I think Gage fits him MUCH, MUCH BETTER) is so cute and tragic but so nice, he has a bit of a mysterious broody punk vibe, but he's mostly a good, normal man, not a crazy villain type. Maybe my next love interest will be villainous.

Anyway I ordered something the other day I cannot wait for. It's shipping in two packages and Canada Post says the main one with two books in it will be here April 5th. It's Switched, Torn, and Ascend by Amanda Hocking; the Trylle trilogy. I already have them, because Amanda Hocking is one of my favorite authors ever, and I've read them a billion times already. I have all three troll trilogies, I have two copies of Switched and a paperback arc of Crystal Kingdom. I got Tidal for free back when it came out for doing free publicity for it.

I've always loved Amanda's books, is my point. She's how I learned about self-publishing and I read her books and blog a thousand times throughout middle school and high school.

So it's exciting to me that I can finally own the original self-published paperbacks of the trylle trilogy, the ones with the turquoise/teal covers. I love them so much. It's one of my favorite covers. And I've seen them in pics and videos but never in person. Believe it when they get here I will take a bajillion pictures of them and post them everywhere.

After this the main thing I need to complete my Hocking collection is:

-The original Hollowland paperback edition with the red heart (I don't care about this one but it would be a nice thing to have one day.)

-The Hollows paperback editions with the old designs/Phatpuppy art designs. (I find these fugly but I still want them for nostalgia's sake.)

-The special edition omnibus of the Trylle that only had 100 copies made. (I really, really want this one enough to go feral and bite someone for it.)

I also still have to get Bestow The Darkness (an actual masterpiece) and Virtue/Tristitia in paperback, too. Then I'd have a complete collection and would feel like a total boss.

I'm so looking forward to seeing the difference between the self-pubbed and traditionally published versions of the Trylle trilogy, though. I know in these earlier editions Forening didn't have a name, so I'm curious what other little details were added later. I'm sure either way they're still good, though I'm also equally sure the trad-pubbed ones are probably better.

Anyway, I should get back to outlining my book. Because I haven't finished that, yet.

Also! Before I go, if you don't know, I often (not always, but often) use Katytastic's outline template/structure. It's three acts, each in nine parts, and it has never failed to create a very fun novel for me. You can use it for any genre and it never feels like a template because it's just basic story structure stuff. Like I said, I don't always use it, but I do like it a lot, I used it for Shadows of Ourselves, if I remember correctly, and I'm using it for this book too. I highly recommend it if pacing or plot isn't your strong suit.

In The Trees, The Air, Everywhere But Here

 I'm still committed to bringing this blog back to life. Today at some point I want to edit and reformat some of my book pages with updated information and stuff, but for right now I figured a new post would be much better than nothing. Being an author is weird; I really don't like doing admin stuff but if I don't I feel weirdly restless and frustrated, so, there's gotta be a balance to be struck there.

I've been watching The Orville and while I can understand why season one got some harsh reviews (some of the jokes go on too long or feel too pointless, some of the worldbuilding details are too unspecified and unexplored) but for the most part I love it. The episodes with Liam Neeson (just a cameo) and Charlize Theron (carried her entire episode) were fantastic. Pria was an amazing character, it looks from TV Tropes like the fans wanted her to return but she never did, I figured throughout the entire episode it felt almost like a backdoor pilot for a spinoff she could carry.

I would love to work on a space union crew exploring the galaxy, having adventures, sure (who wouldn't, right, it feels redundant to even say so) BUT I know I would have bad luck and would be stuck wearing a color I don't like. Like, the green jackets on the Orville look amazing. And that one general in a purple jacket? Stunning. But the red and blue look a little patchy and cheap to me. And I'd never wear the yellow ones, I'd mutiny if I had to.

I made a playlist the other day for Atrocity, the sequel to Divinity, and I'm excited to start working on that. I do have a couple other projects I'm going to finish first, including a round of edits on Divinity. I don't know when the new edition will be out, since I've only edited half of chapter one, but it's already so much cleaner and more professional than it was.

I don't think the book was bad before by any means, but it's amazing I figured it was publishable with so many clunky sentences and fragments and weird phrasings. I am having a lot of fun giving it more professional shine. My writing and tastes have levelled up since I published this book back in 2017, but then again the entire world has changed so drastically since then that kind of figures. A plague and a war and a bunch of other stuff happened. Is happening. That's the crazy thing; it feels like it's in the past but we're all still living it, it's just become the daily reality so we barely second-guess it. It's hard to fathom totally.

This morning I made a list of author things I have to do today. Most of them revolve around Digital Demon (which is still available on Wattpad here!) and formatting the ebook for it. I have to spruce up my personal template and watch a couple of tutorials on ebook formatting.

I see such a big difference in quality between my formatting and the stuff in other ebooks so obviously the goal is to bridge that gap. Figure out how to add illustrations/images for my chapter breaks so I can include exclusive art, figure out how to space and format the margins better so it doesn't look as compacted or jarring on-screen, that sort of thing. They're fine details I'm sure a lot of readers don't pay much attention to, but they add up quickly.

My dream is to afford Vellum, but that's very expensive software, at least when you're broke, which I am. It sure looks intuitive and fun, though. Intuitive software suits me best, anything that looks ugly or too complex for no reason is instantly off-putting, but if something is designed with a very nice intuitive layout and I can learn it by using it instead of watching a billion tutorials, then we're rolling. Vellum seems like one of those programs. Design and user experience need to be focused on as much as function when you're trying to create a tool for mass-use.

Anyway, that's what I'm focusing on today; making Digital Demon more available in more forms to more people. And I figure part of that is singing its praises, so I might have another post about it later, because I want more people to read it, because it took a long time and I think it's good.

I put off editing that story for so long but I like the way it turned out a lot, so maybe that's a sign I should stop listening to my writer's block so much and just trust my own voice, right?

I watched Kiki's Delivery Service for the 30th time today and I cried again, multiple times. It just gets me like that. It's a quiet movie but so relatable. Kiki losing the ability to understand Gigi leaves me sobbing every time.

When Kiki says to Osono "I'm still a witch in training, so if I can't do magic I've lost everything!" it hits so hard because I've totally been there, as have most people: when you rest your entire identity and personhood and purpose of existence on one thing, and then it's taken from you? That rocks you to your core and can truly be such a hollowing and shocking experience you really feel like all is lost, all hope has fled.

For me that was placing my entire identity and personhood on being an artist, an author, and then when I got writer's block and stopped writing for years it basically gave me a nervous breakdown. I had no clue who I was or what worth I had without writing and being successful at it, and I felt like I'd failed utterly on every level. So I had to relearn who I was and develop my sense of identity and worth in other ways. But writing again definitely still feels like flying again, especially when I get into the all-encompassing flow state where you're flying by the seat of your pants, or I guess by how fast you can type, and you know nothing can ever slow you down or touch you. That fire. That's magic.

I'm gonna go try to write something and cook up some magic, but then once I get my daily words in, it's time for formatting and watching tutorials and the likes.

Oh, and Digital Demon is good and you should read it. It only has like 26 reads as of this writing compared to Shadows of Ourselves which has 80 thousand, so obviously that's a pretty big discrepancy. Of course Shadows is a much longer and much better book than Digital Demon, but I still want Demon to have its moment! So please check that out here.

Or keep an eye on this space for free epub/pdf downloads to appear later!

I'm Living in Some Type of Television

*Title from the song Show Me Yours by Trisha Paytas.

So all I've done for the past two days is work on this new story I don't want to talk about, and play Fortnite. I'm now officially trash. To be fair I also walked to our mailbox today but the only thing inside was a death threat/parking ticket reminder.

It was really nice outside, even though it was cold as hell. I wore combat boots instead of sneakers so I wasn't slipping on all the ice for once.

It's weirdly beautiful and, I guess, 'fresh' outside when it's winter and there's snow everywhere but it's still sunny. All the white snow and golden light combines and makes things look like some kind of a fantasy world.

Anyway, my walk was nice, but I'm sore all over. I'm probably ruining my back by sitting in all the weird positions I sit in. I made a blanket nest on the floor in a corner of my room and I've been retreating there more often than I want to admit even though I know it's really fudging up my back and shoulders, especially my neck. Oh well, though, it's comfy and I have no decent chairs and even if I did, I'd want to sit on the floor anyway because I'm a weirdo.

The truth is both my bed and my house in general are twisted and bent to hell. The entire world is warped.

I have no money to get a new bed, but even if I did I'd probably spend it on books...

So I have to deal with my back problems and I mostly do it by spraying my entire body with a muscle relaxant that has peppermint in it but honestly just smells like root beer. Like to a degree that it's weird. I think it's about time I give my body a break from the constant assault of coffee and weed I put it under, so I'm cutting those out for a couple days, hopefully, even though I already cut back on smoking. The truth is it helped with quiet a few things, so I guess that's a sign I should keep cutting back.

I'm one of those people who doesn't like to do what's good for me, though, and even when I finally relent and do it, I end up kicking and screaming the whole way.

In fact, it's probably why I'm writing this blog right now instead of writing my next book. To be fair, I only have a couple more chapters to write, because it's not actually a book, it's a novella, and I am in love with it, but I'm at the final fight scene and I always kind of hate the action scenes because as cool as they can be, I'm more interested in characters just talking and having feelings about each other, and it's also a scene where some reveals need to happen to most of the characters present, and a lot of different moving pieces are involved, and I'm not sure entirely if I'm wrapping it all up right. But it doesn't really matter, right? The first entry in a series doesn't even need to wrap much up, it mostly just needs to get you excited for the next one, and I think it will.

I actually wrote the first 10k words of this project all in one night, and I really had a lot of fun with it up to now, but I think I need to reread it all from the start and do some editing to re-familiarize myself with it before I hop back in and write the end.

I know 'they' say you shouldn't edit as you write, 'they' being the unseen council of art gods whose opinions get spread around the internet as fact, or the cold hard rules of writing, but I'm gonna go ahead and break that rules.

I've been hanging out playing video games and listening to the new Trisha Paytas EP all day. I was really hoping I'd get my new books in the mail, since some are supposed to come this week, but I don't think they'll get here until tomorrow some time, and I'm annoyed about it. I want those books! I've got the entire My Blood Approves series coming, both Hollows books, and Gumiho 1 (Wicked Fox) and I bought a box-set of the Splintered trilogy so I can have nice new paperbacks that actually match, because I haven't read book three and I hate that the copies of the first two I have don't match, one is paperback and the other is hardcover, and I prefer paperback, which I've been told I'm weird for by hardcover lovers, who are what we in the business of being awesome call haters. <__<

I'm already reading a ton of books including The Red Scrolls of Magic and Margaret Sthol's Black Widow book Forever Red (I also need its sequel, gah) because I want to get excited for Black Widow's solo movie. The trailer they just put out looks awesome.

I'm also considering rereading The Hunger Games because Fortnite really reminds me of it, lol. I haven't read those books in two or three years now, and I watched the trailers for their movies earlier and got really nostalgic.

Remember when we were all like a hundred years younger and The Hunger Games was first blowing up, and the first movie had just come out in theaters?

Damn, we are old.

That said Suzanne Collins is coming to save western society with another book in that world, so hey, maybe the Gods who run the simulation haven't abandoned us yet at all!

Anyway I will leave you with the promise of new links and new covers for new titles next time I post! I'm not letting myself write another blog until I write my damn novella! I'm probably going to go back on what I said about quitting coffee, aren't I? I know I am.

- XOXO, your local insane indie author who is definitely NOT Gossip Girl, I swear

Something I Once Said

Here's a passage I wrote on this blog way back in 2016 that I found again today and really needed to hear:

AT LEAST ONCE in your writing career, but probably way more times than that, you will find yourself sitting on the floor in your underwear, getting drunk and crying, wondering if you're throwing your life away. You may or may not try to ask your dead relatives for advice from beyond the grave. They won't give it to you, though, selfish villains that they are. This is normal. This is the stress of being a living, working artist. But you know why you got into this and you know what it means to you, so don't you fucking let your stress win. We've all felt like we were facing doomsday at one point or another, legacy or self-published, and those storms always pass. It doesn't matter if you're a first-time indie or the next Suzanne Collins with hype and a big six publisher and a movie deal at your back - you have undertaken a huge project, and you are allowed to have a human moment about it, okay?

Maybe you need to hear it today too, so here it is.

Much Ado About a Troll Review

Troll reviews are one of the weirdest parts of being an author. I'm a gay guy. I'm specifically a gay guy who talks about homophobia when I see it, and who gets in arguments with anti-SJWs and incels and idiotic Trump supporters sometimes, because I can't help myself. I'm learning to engage less and less, but sometimes someone just needs to call them on their stupidity or hypocrisy.

The problem with that is the red-pill weirdos have no lives, so they then stalk my social media, find my books and author info, and leave troll reviews of my work on Amazon.

The last time it happened was around the time my novella Wolves came out, and a bunch of awesome people helped me by reporting those reviews. A few are still up, but most are gone, as they should be.

Last night I checked my Amazon page and noticed that a couple months ago someone threw more up.

One of them is for Shadows of Ourselves and the other is for Wolves. The one for Wolves Is actually hilarious because he says he bought it on another site, which is impossible, since it's only available on Amazon. He also calls my main character an obvious self-insert, which is hilarious because the main character of that is a surly twink with a truck and a boyfriend, and I'm a shy fat dude who can't even drive, let alone handle a relationship. He also says that writing a sex scene doesn't automatically make it sexy, which is further hilarity because there's no actual sex scene in that book, and if there were, it would be more desperate and emotional than sexy, because that's not a sexy book. I think it may mention sex in passing, but there's no sex scenes,

The one for Shadows just goes on about how Sky and Hunter are stupid and how I 'write like a teenage edgelord' which is hilarious because Sky IS a teenage edgelord and I wrote his voice that way on purpose. That's the entire purpose of the character. He's depressed and cynical and has to stop choosing to be snarky and bitter and isolated. He's a semi-goth painter with an abusive mother and a grunge aesthetic, and a drug problem. Of course he's an angsty edgelord; if he started the series as a well-adjusted adult there'd be no point or room for him to grow.

The one about Shadows actually talks about the content, so it may be a genuine rant review even though it reads like a troll who has a personal vendetta against me. So as much as I hate it I'm not going to report it, because people have every right to trash my books if they actually read them and don't like them. They even have the right to trash me, if they really want.

But the Wolves review is not only trolling, but also telling random lies about the book and attempting to insult me personally, and is obviously not a verified purchase, so I reported it. That's all I can really do, aside from attempt to garner more positive reviews for both of them to combat the trollish ones. Shadows deserves more attention anyway, but I'm sure the new edition coming out and the sequel following in the early or middle of next year should also help. I have a novella coming out for it before the year is up too, so.

Tonight I got way more done that I thought I would. I hit publish on A Twink in the Woods and Ian's Fetish, which are just silly, sexy fun, so hopefully both of those should be up by tomorrow or the next day, unless Amazon pulls some foolery or decides the titles or covers are too risqué and makes me change them. Cross your fingers it all goes as planned! If it does I'll post cover reveals and links tomorrow as well as add new pages for both of those!

Storm of Masks is now live again, and I made some slight adjustments to the colour filter and text/layout of the cover I like. It's still the same image, but it's a fresh cost of paint. I also have two new shorts to publish tomorrow and the next day as well, so it should be a steady stream of releases for the next few days.

Now I'm going to eat Mini Snowballs and drink black coffee and recover from all my hard labour. Peace!

Book Reader Magazine Author Interview

Hey y'all! A while back an interview I did went live at Book Reader Magazine and I don't think I ever posted it! You can read it here!

I know in my last post I promised an update soon, and I will write one, but tonight I'd rather be working on a story I can publish soon. No offense or anything. :P I'll try to post info about my next project soon! I have a lot of things planned.

The Struggle Is Real

Marketing is torture. Seriously. It's the worst part of being self-published.

My books won't sell if I don't push them on people, but my anxiety refuses to let me. It also makes writing painful sometimes. Like tonight. Which is why I'm writing this blog post instead to rant about it.

Sometimes when I'm writing it feels like I'm flying, and I hammer out like seven thousand words in a sitting and walk away glowing, feeling like a boss. And then sometimes, like tonight, literally nothing sounds more painful than writing.

I'm struggling to put down a single chapter, let alone more than a thousand or two words. It's uncomfortable and it has me on edge.

Normally when it isn't flowing, I just do something else. Tonight I'm forcing myself to keep going, because I'm determined to put out two novellas next month, but I have to be honest, every word feels painful. Even this blog post is giving me difficulty.

Sometimes I can sit down and write about whatever is in my head--I talk about stupid tv shows I like or what I'm listening to. And sometimes that's fun. Most of the time it is. Then there are nights like this, where it feels pointless, like I'm just adding to the noise and I have nothing important or useful or meaningful to say.

The truth is, some of the joy goes out of writing once you start having to constantly stress over the financial aspects of it. I'm worried about how good my writing is or what vibes I should go for with a project, and then it's compounded with whether or not it will even sell, or how I'll get reviews for it when I can't even email a book blogger without having a mild identity crisis.

I know I'm not the only one who goes through it, either, but this can be a really lonely profession. We all feel that. I get it.

Still, it sucks.

For tonight, I'm just going to remind myself I've done this before and I can do it again, too. I've written 50,000 words in five days. I've written 75,000 words in fourteen days. I can do this. I've finished seven books, what's one more, in the grand scheme of things?

I'm going to take a deep breath. Keep writing. And hope for the best.

Storm of Masks Cover Reveal

If you noticed I haven't been blogging much this summer, it's because I have so many projects going at once...including one that I'm finally ready to share!

Storm of Masks is a paranormal romance set in a small town, full of mystery, ghouls, and holiday festivity! Halloween is my favorite holiday, and fall is the best season in my humble opinion, so I wanted to write a book celebrating them as we get closer to that magic time of year.

Storm of Masks is set in the small town of Ashbrook, which is home to an annual Fall Festival gearing up to Halloween, which the locals go all out for.

It's usually Jen Gordan's favorite time of year...but this year, she's gained the uncanny ability to see ghouls. And they're everywhere.

To get answers she has to turn to the charming new boy in school, Carter Lord.

I'm glad I held off on sharing this one, because it originally had a different name, but Storm of Masks came from a line I drafted closer to the end of the book, and I really loved it, because it fits the book perfectly.

Everyone wears masks; the living, the dead. They hide parts of themselves from us and let others radiate. It's not always deceptive, either; it's part of life.

I wanted to explore the different parts of people that war with each other and the facades we build against those around us. Anybody you think you know can be keeping secrets, and isn't Halloween the best time of year to start yanking off masks for a peek at what's underneath?

I can't wait to share this story, but for now I'll leave you all with a quote from the book!

       The days went on like that, a blur of rotting leaves and morning conversations, the bitter burn of hot coffee and the bite of frost filling the air. Long hours in stifling classrooms listening to shuffling sheets of paper lulled me into a sense of peace. I buried myself in routine and academia, doing my best to ignore the ghouls.

Ideas of Shadow

So, in honor of Shadows of Ourselves being out (you can buy it here) I thought I would talk today about how I got the idea and inspiration for the book!

Shadows really exists because of the scene in the alley in the first chapter. I had the image of Hunter protecting this boy from a pair of Charmer Hounds, and it was really the monsters that drew me in - I wanted to know what they were and who had sent them.

 

I'd always wanted to write a main character who could tell when people were lying - because wouldn't that be the best power? But Sky hates it, and as I wrote him I started to understand what kind of toll it would take. And, of course, since I'm a glutton for punishment, I made the magik hurt.

Originally, the book was supposed to be a novella set in Chicago, but after a few false starts where I played around with the character ages and verb-tense, I started my outline from scratch, moving the book to Saint John. I grew up here, and I've always wanted to set a full-scale paranormal novel here. I think the city really lends itself to magic, and my upbringing really factors into my writing and how I view cityscapes when I'm writing. Plus, looking at the city through the eyes of a bunch of powerful, often immortal, beings, was really fun.

 

 

With the changes, I rewrote my outline, and the story kept growing. I knew I wanted Sky and Hunter to be on a race against time - some of my favorite fantasy novels take place over the course of a few days, and I wanted to keep my timeline tight, so Shadows takes place over the course of five.

I think the thing I love about novels that are fast, that are races, when the villain is chasing the heroes around, is that you're jolting through these intense, magikal landscapes in a very fast, but very close-up way.

Sky gets a bit of magik culture shock throughout the novel, traversing places like the bazaar and the Seelie Court, and I wanted to make those settings as colorful and mesmerizing as possible.

I really can't wait to write the second novel, because I think the direction the series takes will surprise a lot of people. The books get bigger and bigger in scope as they go, and I'm going to have so much fun turning over the city to look at the magik beneath the surface...

A Little Bit Dangerous, But Baby That's How I Want It

Did the new Ariana Grande song nearly kill anyone else?

Aside from listening to this on repeat I'm getting ready to go to my cousin's house and planning Shadows Of Ourselves release stuff. Because I'm really excited for it to come out this month.

I'm going into workaholic overdrive trying to finalize everything. I wanna get paperbacks out within a few days of putting out the ebook because I want to host a few giveaways. I still need to sort out royalty info with the paperback distributor first, so I'm gonna stop by the bank today and deal with that.

Overall I'm just excited to have a longer book out. The longer the book, a better. I love really big stories, and Shadows of Ourselves is the longest book I've written to date. Blood of Midnight (which is free today!) and SOSAS are both novel-length, but they're still short books.

Also I genuinely think Shadows of Ourselves is the best book I've written, yet. I think it's got a nice flow and it's a pretty exciting adventure.

Plus, there's hot boys.

It's also set in my home town, Saint John, because it's a pretty magikal city, and because we need more books (especially hot New Adult romance books) set in Canada. The book is set in November, 2016, and it's a big romp through the city and a bunch of magikal landscapes.

It's also got a really diverse cast, because I wrote the book I wanted to read, and I'm sick of reading a book where everyone is cisgender and white and able-bodied. I want to write diverse characters in a way that they're not just coming out stories or coming of age or learning to cope with being othered by mainstream society - I think we should be able to see ourselves in books about werewolves and superheroes and detectives. Genre fiction where diverse characters are allowed to just exist and have stories and go on adventures.

I really loved City of Bones when I was fifteen because it was the first book I'd ever read like that with gay characters in it - not even just gay main characters, but gay characters period - and I think there's something wrong with that.

I really adore Amanda Sun's Ink trilogy because it has a gay character in its main cast, and I devoured half of the House of Night series in one week when I was sixteen because there were gay characters. (Token-ish ones, albeit, but still).

Rainbow Rowell's Carry On is (in my opinion) a masterpiece and Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo is brilliant. 

In real life, non-white teens and kids in wheelchairs and queer youth, they all do extraordinary things and there are so many facets to their lives - they deserve diversity that isn't shoe-horned in or gimmicky, and those are the books I want to write. Books where genderfluid kids get to take on super villains and teens in wheelchairs embrace their magical bad-assery and save the day, just like their counterparts do in other ya and na genre books like these. Because if stuff like giant robots and evil mermaids really existed, that's exactly what would happen.

It also deals with some pretty dark stuff like mental illness and substance abuse and, you know, death and murder.

I just didn't want to write a perfect, well-adjusted main character with a good attitude. I feel like there's so many young adults and college aged kids who are sick of seeing perfectionists who never mess up in their books. So many of us deal with mental illness or trauma or abuse, and even aside from those things, so many of us are a bit jaded and bitter, or emotional withdrawn. I wanted to write about and deal with those issues. Sky is pretty damaged.

I'm really fond of the book, though, and I'm hoping some other people like it, too. I'm just excited, in general.

Thinking Your Way Back

Earlier I was reading old posts from January, which is only two months ago but feels eons ago. It was eons ago, because time is relative and time doesn't exist, but I'm not here to blow your mind or lose my thought process talking about weird time jumps. There are shitty B movies that can do that for you better than I ever could.

I'm here to talk about thinking my way back to when I felt, for a while, like things were really looking up. I wasn't in the greatest place, but the world still felt brimming with possibility.

And with my birthday coming up, I've been freaking out - you know, that old paralyzing anxiety about aging and death, right? And I had a bit of a breakdown for a month or so, there. I'm back now.

I'm not going to lie and say I'm fine when just the other night I was talking about mental illness and suicidal thoughts, but I feel like I worked some stuff out of my system and I'm in a slightly better place after a day of reflection and calmness.

I'm still stressed about nineteen million things, but I can't change any of it, I know I can't, so I have to stop blaming myself for things I have no power over and just take it as it comes, because that, how I react to it, is something I have power over. I'm gonna use that power.

So that's how I'm feeling today. I'm dealing with school stuff (stressful) because after easter I have to go and get my diploma. I was originally going to go for an adult diploma but I think I'm going for my GED or equivalency now, because I know if I go back to that school not only will I not learn anything I need to, but I'll also A) have a relapse with my mental illness and B) get into a fistfight with one of the various racist, sexist, and homophobic students there. I'm not even joking - I have an inability not to start a fight if I see a wrongdoing. But basically I just need to not go back into the Canadian public school system, ever.

I started outlining a new project the other night and I have a cover for it, it's gonna come out a few weeks before Shadows of Ourselves, I think. It's longer than a novella but probably not a novel. I think it should be around 35 thousand words, but I'd like to stretch it to 40k or so if I can. I know there's enough story there, but I refuse to add words unless they're needed for the story to function, so we'll see.

It has the best cover of any of my books, ever, in my opinion. Better than the cover for a (possible) sequel to Shadows of Ourselves, which nobody has seen yet. Better than the cover of Maelstrom, which no one has seen yet. I just love it. Not sharing yet, but I love it.

But the book has a Pinterest board, and you can find that here for some glimpses about it. You should also check out the boards for my other books, and I dunno, maybe follow me? For reasons. For science.

And, for fun, some facts about the book:

• It's inspired by magical girl animes.
• And some mythology I love but feel is underused.
• It's paranormal, and the main romance is a lesbian one.
• It's standalone for now but there's room to tell other stories in the world that would also stand on their own.
• MONSTERS.
• A private academy.
• Long lost family members.
• Biracial main character! (Kat is white and Japanese.)
• FANCY BALL GOWNS GALORE.
• Did I mention the monsters?
• Romance!
• Slightly odd romance - or just more realistic? I'm going for a kind of Rainbow Rowell angle on the romance, so while there's a bit of romance genre cheese, for the most part the romance develops in kind of lowkey, average, everyday ways.
• Dragonflies.
• Magic weapons.

So yeah. I'm excited. I'm taking a break from SOO editing to draft this over the next four days, then I edit Shadows in around a week or two, edit this, do my copy edits on Shadows, and then put them both out around the same time. Maybe a week apart?

I have no clue, nothing's official right now, but I'm excited.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye (Blog Updates and a New Book + Double Cover Reveal!)

I updated the tabs at the top of the blog, including the contact page. I added info about my next publication - Rage - and updated the info about Things We Saw At Midnight, Frenzy, and added a page for Souls of Salt & Seawater, which is now out! (You can grab it here, and the price is going down to 99 cents within the next few hours!)

Aside from that, I have new covers to show you! (Who doesn't love a pretty cover?) And some info about the new book!

So, first, the cover for the paperback edition of SOSAS, which will be out in a few weeks:

And the cover & blurb for the new book, Rage!

Something powerful is festering in the shadows. . .

With four months to go until she turns twenty and the beginnings of a promising modeling career forming around her, teenage Harpy Myra Evans should be happy. And she would be. . .if she weren’t in mortal danger.

As an extremely rare breed of paranormal, Myra’s powers are highly coveted. When powerful beings begin to vanish one by one, the Reapers begin to suspect Myra could be the next target—and with deadly nightmares leaving her shaken night after night and the feeling of being watched following her everywhere, time is running out.

Can Myra piece together the clues and find a way to protect herself—or will the monster that haunts her dreams claim her as its own once and for all?

I'm having a lot of fun working on this one. In case you didn't catch it already, the main character is Myra - the love interest from Frenzy - except this is before she and Evelyn met, and it's focused on her and her history and story.

It's got a fun cast of characters and some great banter, plus, I really love hinting at the villain of Shadows. He's so deliciously evil and (to me at least) genuinely frightening.

The book is set in my home city, Saint John, just like Frenzy, and it offers more insight into the Menagerie world. It can definitely be read as a standalone, just like Frenzy can, but if you've already read that, it also serves to create a richer experience with the world.

And the main love interests of both Maelstrom (Ian) and Shadows (Hunter) make an appearance! If you're not interested in reading the other books and you're wondering is this one is for you, here's some basic info/facts:

• It's dark New Adult
• With horror elements
• And no romance
• It's got a racially and sexually diverse cast
• The focus is on the pshyce and decisions of the main character
• But there's plenty of world building & action, too
• No romance - but lots of sex appeal
• Touch of mystery
• The main character is a budding model
• There are kidnappings

So. Yeah. I'm hoping to publish it this Thursday, the 25th, but with Amazon there's always a chance it could take longer and end up coming out on the 26th sometime.

I'm having fun, though. I've been listening to a few songs on repeat as I write it:

I'll post about it once the book goes live, as always, but for now, that's all, folks!

A Darkness So Divine Trilogy Details + Cover Reveal!

So, a few days ago, I posted the covers for the A Darkness So divine trilogy on my Tumblr:

The trilogy is a spin-off of the Lilac Jones Adventures (which are currently free on Wattpad) but where TLJA are lighter young adult stories for younger readers, ADSD borders on new adult, and is much darker. It still has a grim, kind of snarky, sarcastic humour to it, but the characters are older, more mature, and dealing with much darker issues than Lilac did in the prequel.

Book #1, The Diamond Society, sees Lilac moving to the tiny town of Northbank, New Brunswick, with her recently divorced mother, for a fresh start. But Lilac soon realizes that the tiny town is anything but quiet: Northbank is home to a quietly seductive group of paranormals, each harbouring their own secrets and powers. . .

Lilac is quickly caught up in the lives of two local teenagers: Jesse Holmes - the town outcast who may or may not be an incubus; and Hadley Snow - resident popular girl and part-time Valkyrie (who might have murdered her summer fling . . . oops!) As Lilac and the teens go to desperate lengths to uncover the secrets of Northbank and ensure it's future, they're forced to contend with a dark power brimming beneath the surface of their quaint home that, if left undefeated, could destroy all them. . .

Book #2, The Winter War, sees each of the main trio discover more about their inherent powers and histories while their present relationships develop and grow, all while startling revelations change everything, and a desperate war looms in the horizon. . . Book #3 The Chain of Thorns, concludes the trilogy as new enemies converge on the town and the trio must band together to save everyone they love from certain death. . .

In my mind, the series is akin to The Vampire Diaries, The Mortal Instruments, and The Nine Lives of Chloe King. I really love urban fantasies, and for this trilogy I'm drawing inspiration from some of my favourites, like My Blood Approves, Daughter of Smoke and Bone, and Dangerous Creatures - essentially, it's my take on one of the teen supernatural dramas I loved as a younger teen (and still occasionally binge-watch!) and putting it in a setting I can relate to.

I grew up in Saint John, which is the largest city in New Brunswick - but I also spent time living in rural areas of Hampton, and now live in a municipality outside the city limits. In Northbank, I wanted to incorporate the feeling of small-town life in New Brunswick, capturing some of the isolation and boredom, while also showing the dynamic relationships between the locals and some of the more lively sides of the community. I've drawn from a lot of real-life experience in outlining the town and the settings the characters interact in, and I'm excited to bring those to life and use my own reality as an inspiration for how they feel on the page.

I also really wanted to capture how interesting and vivid the lives of teenagers going on. How these young people have such dynamic inner-lives, and so much on their plates; and what happens if you throw in a dash of magic and personal tragedy? What happens when they're dealing with grief and growing up and fighting evil? They all fit into certain archetypes: Lilac, the loner; Hadley, the popular girl; Jesse, the rebel. And their relationships with each other and their parents, friends, and love interests shape their story. I also embraced the diversity of Canadians in writing them, and I'm excited to bring more representation into the genre.

All in all, ADSD has been a lot of fun for me, so far, and I'm really excited for it! But I'm done plugging myself, and I should get back to work, so I'll leave you with this new footage from Shadowhunters!