So I've been hard at work on a few titles I'm going to launch on Kobo, including Leo & Declan 1 and 2 (Under His Touch, Under His Watch) and the drafting process was being difficult last night, so I opened my notes app and wrote this. I think it's gonna be something I need to return to again and again, so I'll share it here for you all too:
I am worried about so many things I cannot control but what I can control is writing my book and editing my short stories so that's what I'm going to focus on.
It's not up to me to be perfect or control the universe or every reaction to my books.
All I can do is write them, then publish them, then market them, to the degree that I want to. That's all. The rest of it is out of my hands. And I can't force it. But I can work with it, move with it, evolve with it, and take it all as it comes.
That's what I can do. So that's what I'll do.
I'll write my gay erotica romance stories and urban fantasies and sci-fi stuff even when it feels silly or stupid or it isn't as groundbreaking or intelligent or literary as everyone else's book. I'll do what I want, have fun, and hope someone wants to read what I wrote, but I can only write what I want to write, and if nobody else is along for the ride, I guess that's that.
The point of this is just to say all of that outside stuff is noise. And noise can be tuned out. All I can control is that I can write my book, even if it means learning again, for the millionth time, how to adapt and pivot. I can do that much, and probably so can you.
It's been slow-going trying to come out of my fog and embrace the new year. That doesn't mean it hasn't had its upsides, because it definitely has. The weather is getting fresher and warmer daily, the sun is showing his face more and more every day, and there's always something to do, which might be overwhelming, but still, at least there's always something to do, right?
For me, it means working on the new edition of Under His Touch. It's been a lot more of a project than I thought it would be, mostly because I was never planning to create a sequel but also because I've been in the mood to write, to draft, and now I have to hold myself down and engage the editing brain. I know I can do it.
I enjoy it. I know that too. I always have fun with editing, when it's developmental edits. But this, alas, is line edits. So it's a slow, tedious brand of work that is almost like writing, but much more agitating. And I'm not good at being agitated.
So I'm doing my best. But I'm also trying to read more: it's actually insane that this is the same brain that read an entire book a day in high school. I try now, but it takes me two to four days to get through books I'd read in one before.
Is it my brain aging? Is it from smoking too much weed? Is it just my natural pace slowing down? Or is it that I'm out of practice? I think it's a little bit of all these things, to be honest, but I'm doing my best. My reading goal for the year is only 80 books, which is 20 less than usual, but even with giving myself that break I've got six books behind somehow. I'm determined to catch up!
But first, I want to write. Like a lot. I don't know how I always put it off until it drives me insane, but then when I do it it's such a relief it makes up for it.
So, first, editing. Then do what I actually want to do.
I spent most of the morning rewatching The 100. I'm on episode five so far, but I never get tired of this show. It's distracting me from my brother and sister-in-law's crazy dog Otis who I am babysitting while they're on vacation, and who has way too much energy for me to cope with right now. I try to keep him entertained but he's honestly bored by me and only cares about our dad, who is not going to be home for hours. In the meantime I'm distracting myself by trying to build up some work ethic and get some writing done.
I came up with titles for the next few books in the Divinity series: I already knew books 2 and 3 would be called Atrocity and Calamity respectively, but today I came up with titles for the rest of them. I don't want to share them yet but they're perfect.
Some kind of animal trekked through our yard last night. It had to be something big judging by the size of the prints. I think it was a big cat, like a cougar or lynx. I hope it was a lynx because cougars scare me more. I also hope I never encounter it.
It ran in circles around the thicket outside my window, then went up our back hill into the woods. I really hope it doesn't veer back this way because I don't want it lurking around, but I followed the tracks like a dumb person in a horror movie (I took a metal shovel with me in case I had to take a swing at something, but still)... I have no idea how our ancestors hunted shit like that. No thanks, I'm all good on the killer kitty front.
I spent all day yesterday reading the new run of Buffy comics. It's 34 issues and it's really good. I honestly hope they put out more.
I've only seen a few seasons of Buffy, but I genuinely love it. I never thought Xander would be my favorite character when Buffy is right there, but God, he won me over. He's an amazing guy in this run, at least for most of it, and some of his storylines are heartbreaking. He was a devoted slayer (even though he's not an official slayer, 'cause they're always badass ladies, not gents.)
I also finished Fables. Finally. 151 issues, give or take. I might read the 'Fairest' spin-off soon too, but I want to read the Buffy spinoff 'Angel' first. His comic and Buffy's had a crossover event called Hellmouth that was pretty good, but it's really part of the main Buffy storyline.
If most of this seems like mundane, boring stuff, it's because I was trying to distract myself from the hellscape on the news. Between the pandemic, the war, and all the political stuff going on, I've been so stressed about everything and the constant stream of exposure to bad news hasn't helped, so burying myself in fiction for the last few days is a familiar old coping mechanism. Especially since it's hard to focus on work with my brother's crazy dog running around here anyway, let alone what's going on in the world.
I will say I'm incredibly impressed by folks in Ukraine fighting for their freedom and country, as well as the protestors in Russia standing up to that jackass Putin. Vladdy-boy really thought his warmongering propaganda would work, but I think we're seeing humanity rise to the occasion.
I suppose that's all I've got for now: the world is insane, my house is in disarray and this dog is drooling and shedding everywhere. And a monster is lurking in the woods outside my window. But it's all good, maybe, hopefully.
I'm gonna get back to doing little scraps of editing and outlining work and hope I can pull my shit together, and the world will pull its shit together.
Until then, back to watching The 100 and trying not to get eaten alive by a cougar. Or a lynx.
Once in a while things get very overwhelming and I tend to shut down and focus on the bare minimum tasks I feel are most important, and one of the things that falls by the wayside is this blog which very few of my readers actually keep up with - on the one hand, it means a lot of people don't actually read this information, but on the other, it means I get to post as many of my insane rantings and ravings as I like without being chased down with torches and pitchforks, and I'm okay with that.
That said, last time I posted a blog here it was NaNoWriMo, and I was very much looking forward to writing my sci-fi book The First Instinct. But since then plans have changed. I switched novels during NaNo to a paranormal romance called Sharp Hollows, but right now that's taken a backseat too. Mainly because NaNoWriMo was a total bust.
Also because I decided I should probably edit and release some other things before I start working on brand new full-length novels. For example, my short story Be Not Afraid!
Be Not Afraid was written, like, last November or December. It's a year old, and I'm kicking myself for not editing and releasing it sooner. I wrote two angel/demon themed short stories back to back, and this is one of them. You can find its Goodreads Page here. It's a very anime vibe coming from me, which I had fun with. It's got a giant spooky monster, a cool epic fight scene, and it feels very episodic/monster of the week, even though it's a standalone. At least for now.
Here's the cover:
I also added a page for it here on the blog. It will be up on Wattpad for free and maybe on this blog too, on it's official book/title page. I am looking to put out a couple more free stories in the coming weeks just because I have two or three I think would be really suited to it, and since right now I can't publish on certain retailers before the New Year (I've gotta get some new documents, rectify all my information on all my accounts, set up accounts with new distributors, etc) I might as well share things the only way I can.
Be Not Afraid, Digital Demon, and CerbIm: Blackout are the stories I'm thinking will be free, but for now keep an eye peeled for an update post where I share Be Not Afraid with official links and stuff.
I had a computer problem the other night and had to reset my PC and while I was doing so I decided I should upgrade to the new version of Scrivener because I was stuck on an outdated one. Scrivener 3 is amazing so far. I'm just hoping my payment actually goes through (it's still processing, and it should be fine, but these things make me nervous, lol) but so far I'm having fun exploring it! Even the thumbnail/taskbar icon is prettier.
In any news I'm spending Christmas morning editing this story and getting it ready, while I drink a little too much vodka, so I wanted to share the cover, aesthetic board, and some more news. I'm sure I've mentioned Be Not Afraid on this blog before, but it felt only proper to give it a real, focused introduction.
I hope your writing and reading goals are all successful and fun this holiday season! Much love, and Merry Xmas from me and mine. :)
It's insane to think that pretty soon it's going to be winter - the leaves all fell so quickly I pretty much missed it. I guess I should look up more. :/
Some insane stuff was happening in my personal life lately, so this blog has been neglected as a result. I didn't forget about it (even though nobody really reads it, or at least very few people do) and I'm not going to abandon it. I mean, I do abandon it for months at a time sometimes, but I always intend to come back.
I mostly just want to keep a log of what I'm working on and when, what my mindset is regarding my books and my writing, etc. It's useful to me when I'm looking back, and it's a nice momento to have for my writing life.
I'm back on Prozac (those aforementioned insane things happening in my personal life demanded I face my demons) so that's slowly been kicking into my system and I'm settling into a new sort of normal. Medicated normal. Which is good, because I need to be. Mental health issues are so easy to ignore and push-off dealing with until it's almost too late, but I got a couple large wake-up calls and I had to rely on my family and my doctor to make the right choice for me.
Prozac worked really well when I was on it back in high school, so I'm hoping revisiting it as an adult is an equal or greater success. I probably shouldn't have stopped taking it, but that's a learning experience, I guess.
Still, stuff will hopefully be better from here on out.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about zombies and dragons, and now I'm working on a project that has both. I have to get them both done before NaNoWriMo, because God Damn, I am going to sit down and hammer out my vampire serial for NaNo if it kills me. And if it does, maybe I'll even get to come back as a sexy fanged goth femboi fiend. :) I bet immortality would be fun. It would have to be that cool X-Men regenerating properties kind of immortality though, because what's the point of living forever if you're not also a super-cool badass?
The first episode of that vampire serial is written, but I don't think I've mentioned it here and I am not naming it until I have more work done on it. I have loose outlines for the first four to five stories. There's going to be six in the first season.
But it doesn't matter, 'cause I have too much to do before thinking about that. No vampires for the next ten days of October; these days are about white blizzards, snow-frosted dragons, and magical artifacts.
I am putting out a pretty new edition of Iceblood soon! Maybe early next month, which seems way too far away even though the dates I'm looking at are like, 12-12 days away, lol. It's not going to have any real changes in it, it's just a new cover to go along with the new sequels and their stunning covers. I love the new cover of Iceblood, though, it's finally just right and it really suits the story more than any of the previous covers. I think Iceblood and Blood of Midnight were the two hardest books to put covers to, for me, which is why they've been through so many.
If I'm being honest, Rage & Frenzy may need new covers soon as well, but I'm not thinking about that right now! Here's a little thumbnail version of the new Iceblood cover for your enjoyment, though:
Books 2 & 3 are going to be called Scoundrel and Catalyst! I hope you guys will really check them all out and enjoy them. And really, I hope enough people buy them that I can afford to get Cyberpunk2077 next month, but that's probably a pipe dream, ha.
More later. Time to write write write! If you guys are doing NaNo next month comment about your plans and motivations below! I'd love to hear about people's preptober activities!
I'm listening to Karma by Marina again and I keep thinking that this double-album was underappreciated by the fandom. People on Popheads are always trashing it as her worst release but I really don't know. Karma is great, Orange Trees is one of my favorite songs by her, and a lot of people seem to love Handmade Heaven, like even people who dislike the albums agree that song is good. So. I think there's a false verdict on this one.
Anyway I've got this novella to edit and a novel to finish, and I'm sitting here resisting the lure of a new potential WIP. I HAVE WAY TOO MUCH ON THE GO TO START NEW STORIES. So I am holding myself back by the scruff of the neck.
I WILL get to that other story eventually, but yeah, tonight is all about Force. As is every night until I freaking finish it. I'm not playing around any more. I thought I'd have it AND the sequel out by now so I have to pick up slack. I will say, drafting-wise, this year has been very productive for me. But drafting, and editing those raw materials into a publishable product are not the same thing...I want Force to be perfect before I release it, and the same with these other projects. I want them at their full potential.
The thing with Force is, I can't just edit it; I have to edit it AND use it as a tool to set up the rest of the series. All other four novellas have ties to Force and what happens in it. It's the basis for this whole world. So it's a lot of pressure. Book two is going to be a lot more fun, I hope. Force isn't soul-crushing to work on like some other projects I've been dealing with, but it's tough, high-energy work, that's for sure. I am having fun spending time with these characters, though, especially Kacey and Unity.
All I know is that I would like to publish multiple titles this month and I don't know if that's going to be a realistically attainable goal right now. Only time will tell; it's all about patience. Now I'm going to go and add more androids and robots to this book now, because I just realized how crucial to the plot they are but also how few we see in book 1 compared to the others. Ah, the fun of editing.
I'm still working on editing Force. It's been a long, grueling job - mostly because of my own procrastination, but let's ignore that - and I'm not pulling my hair out yet, but I might be close. Which would be bad, because I cut my own hair recently and I really like how it turned out. I'd rather not mess it up. Or mess up my book.
I was saying on Goodreads a few days ago that it will probably be out on the 12th, which is tomorrow, and that is so not happening. That said it's going to be soon. I'm not even saying a date because at this point it's comical how many times I've delayed this book. Novella. Whatever it is.
I really do love it, and I think it's super good, which is why I need to take my time with it and make sure it's perfect before I put it out. I don't want to have to touch it for another five to ten years; I already have way too many books I need to update the backmatter and front copy material for and it's such annoying grunt work to have to update it every two or three years for every title...
I finished Shadow of The Tomb Raider the other night and was underwhelmed with the ending. I wish they'd announce the next game already, but I try to be patient. It's obvious there has to be another one because, well...money. Companies like money. And in return they better keep blessing us with these Tomb Raider adventures.
Anyway, now it's back to playing Fallout 4 every other night for hours on end. I really, really love the Fallout universe and the atmosphere but I hate that this installment really wants me to care about my randomly generated spouse and baby. Let me make my own backstory please! The Courier was ideal as a blank slate, but I was also fine with the Fallout 3 backstory. The backstory for the player character in 4 is just way too involved and detailed. Dead/absent parents are one thing, but making players roleplay a parent who had a hetero marriage and basing so much of the story around it removes so many roleplay and character options, and that's half of what the fans love...
Honestly if I could have one DLC for this game it would be to edit Pickman and make him a fully fleshed-out character and available companion. It would be so good. Painting with blood only makes you a psychopath if you're not using raider blood, guys. IT'S TECHNICALLY A PUBLIC SERVICE.
It's a lot of fun to make your own characters in video games though, whether you're developing new OCs or just creating versions of existing ones, it's a lot of fun. When I was playing Dragon's Dogma last summer I made Dru and Vincent from my book Blood of Midnight and played with Dru as the arisen and Vincent my main pawn. That game is literally Dungeons and Dragons come to life and I adore it.*
(*And I never beat the game, so I have to go load up this save and play some more soon. I'm like barely into it, and it's huge, and I have so much to explore. I really do recommend it, even though I've been taking my sweet time getting back to it since I got my ps4.)
Aside from wandering the radioactive wastes I have been making progress on Force and the general outline/timeline/plans for the series as a whole. It's going to be 5 main installments ranging in length from 25k to 45k, and at least one short story of unknown length. I'm really excited for it, it's not like it's redefining the superhero genre or anything of the sort, but it is a cool, confident story. It's heavily influenced by the song Coming Right Along by The Posies, at least tonally/emotionally. I was listening to that on repeat while drafting the first story back in November 2019.
I've got a lot of editing to do tonight, but I do have a lot of faith this story is coming out soon. No sooner than it's ready, but soon.
In the meantime my new short story Faces in Weeds has gotten like no love, though not for lack of deserving it. If you'd like to read it you can check it out herefor 99 cents. It's about a girl who commits a murder and her attempts to cover it up, and it's set in Georgia. Also, today's title comes from the song All The Things She Said. Poppy just released a new cover of it and I've been listening non-stop. I like it much better than the original, not going to lie.
I think I've neglected this blog enough for the year. I've also been neglecting my personal diary, so there's enough of that to go around, but tonight I'm saying no more, and I am going to update both! I have seriously been slacking off lately. My work has gone untouched while I play more Tomb Raider than I have any right to. I bought Rise and Shadow so I've been running through them both for the first time. I love Rise most, it's got the sturdiest writing and I think the world is more open. Shadow is fun though, it's got beautiful puzzles and more challenging tombs, although some of them have wonky spots in them. I also enjoy the more emotional moments between Lara and Jonah. She's been bottling up her angst for an installment or two and seeing it all pile up and break out is amazing. The first game is still my favorite and always will be, though. It felt the most emotionally complex and grounded at the same time, even with the samurai zombies and stuff. I feel like we've never understood Lara and seen inside her mindset as much as we did in the first game. In Rise and Shadow she's bad-ass, sure, but she's also more withdrawn and it's hard to really get into her mind even with her journal entries. I'm not going to play video games tonight until much later, though, because I'm determined as all hell to get in a round of editing on Force tonight. I only need to update and clarify a few things but I've pushed back the release date so many times and now it's ten days away so it needs a bit more brushing up before I finally put it out. For those of you who don't follow, Force is book/novella 1 in my Superhero High serial that I recently announced. The Goodreads page is up, and it's got the placeholder cover and a cool blurb, as well as a bit more information. The proposed release date this time is on the 12th of this month, and it's making me majorly anxious because I'm not ready, never mind the book itself. I know it's good, but release is making me antsy. What if nobody reads it?! What if everybody reads it?! What if there's a huge gaping problem or plot hole I'm skipping over because I'm too close to it? And this is why I should stop neglecting my journal; it causes me to build up way too much anxiety! I'm going to go do some self-care and get my emotional and mental state in check, now, but that said you should definitely check out the Force page on Goodreads I linked above and add it to your TBR! Thanks for reading. :3
Title from Enemy by Charli XCX. I'm pretty sure this blog is dead but that won't stop me from writing updates for it. In fact, I actually find it kind of comforting that very few people, if any, read my insane ramblings here. I'm almost done my next book, and I have a couple finished and semi-finished things I've been sitting on for a long time now, or at least what feels like a long time; I think the oldest of them dates back to November or so. I have to edit a novella tonight and I'm having a nervous breakdown about it, so instead of actually doing it I thought I'd come complain about how long it's taking Rise of The Tomb Raider (a game that came out like five years ago while I was still working at Bath and Body Works, lol) to get here. I ordered it way too long ago. I can't really complain though because there's a pandemic and all, and the truth is it's amazing we can even still order stuff at all with all the craziness going on. Since everybody is laid-off right now, I don't have the house to myself and everyone I live with is driving me insane. They're not really doing anything annoying, I just can't focus or think when people are around. Luckily, they go to bed weirdly early, and I can be the only one awake all night, and actually experience the silence and peace I need to work. Some people party all night - I just get around to doing the chores and work I should've done during the day, because I'm amazingly efficient and productive and on top of things. Yup. :) My main problem in life right now is that the main character of the most recent book I wrote/am writing is Sam, and a major male character in the Superhero High stories is also named Sam, and I don't want to change either of them because it fits them both in different ways. It's fine, or at least I think it's fine, since plenty of people IRL have the same name, God knows there's a million men named Kai out there, but still, I don't like reusing them. I think if Sam from the First War series met Sam from the Superhero High series, they'd either ignore each other entirely, or they'd build a bomb together. I don't think they'd be friends, (mainly because First War Sam is a college student who doesn't hang around with high school freshman) but they'd definitely team up in a pinch to pull of a con or an escape act. Anyway that's what's been going on in my corner: intense internal debates about character naming choices. I also spent the better half of the day trying to catch a tiny mouse before my cats did so I could free it outside. Eventually got the little buddy safely out of the house and away from Angus and Cami and their little hunting party fantasy. I don't think either of them were happy I spared their prey, but I feel pretty happy for defying fate and sparing the mouse. He'll probably be eaten by an owl or a hawk before the night is through, but hey, maybe not. Maybe he's the Chosen One of the mouse world and he's off to fulfill a prophecy. Really none of my business, is it? I also beat inFamous Second Son and Horizon Zero Dawn and I'm kind of emotional over both. The fact that they don't seem to be planning anymore inFamous games is a literal fucking crime. I guess four should be enough, but it's not. I'd love to see Cole come back, or another Delsin game, or a Eugene game, or something with new conduits. I don't care. I still have to finish my replay of inFamous 2 and play Festival of Blood for the first time, but then I'm done with the series and I'm kind of not ready for that. I don't want any other superhero games, these are the only ones that matter honestly. (Although I guess the jumping/leaping powers in Saints Row 4 were pretty fun.) So pretty much all I've been up to is writing and gaming and writing and gaming and editing and sleeping. And gaming. I'll probably stay doing that, since nobody is allowed to leave the house. :L If you want to keep up with what I do you can find me on Insta at @ApolloBlakeBooks or check out my latest release, a short story called Faces in Weeds! It's about a girl who commits a murder and her attempts to cover it up/splintering mental state.
Surprise, I just put out a new short story! I'd like to say I'm craftier than I really am and that I've had this up my sleeve for a while now, but the truth is, I wasn't really planning this at all. I drafted this story a few days ago after a stroke of inspiration hit while I was playing video games. I wanted to build a story around a sense of rising dread and it was essentially structured around the opening and closing lines that came to me before anything else did. Before I knew it I had a draft and a cover! I listened to a lot of southern gothic music during this one, and I was flying high on some Stephen King bullshit, so those two vibes combined to inspire the atmosphere and tone. The story, in case you were wondering at all, is called Faces in Weeds and you can get it here on Amazon US, or here on Amazon Canada if you'd like to read it. You can also hit me up on the comments of this blog or comment on my Goodreads review if you'd like a free ebook copy in exchange for an honest review on Amazon or Goodreads. Here's the super pretty cover...
Soooo dark and mysterious and perfect. Neither a snake or pink flowers appear in the story, but it does kind of fit with the themes/who the narrator is and how she's perceived vs. who she actually is. It was such a fun, twisted project for me to work on and I really hope I can put out a lot more short stories this year, but in the meantime, please enjoy this crazy little slice of horror, if that's your kind of thing!
I'm staying in bed all day today in order to edit Dreamseeker and try to draft (or mostly draft) book 2, Dreamsinger. I think it will be good to take a break from my current novel WIP today and draft a novella, plus I've wanted to update the front- and back-matter of book 1 for a long while! Book 2 is a rock star romance AND it has a human protagonist who serves in a damsel distress role a lot, so it's a lot different than book 1 and it will be a lot of fun to write. I still have to finish glossing over book 1, though, and I'm dragging my feet. I've already had way too much coffee and tea today and I've been pigging out on potato scallop and baked ham. I played a little Fallout earlier and I'll probably play more tonight, but for now I'm cooped up in my room avoiding writing to blog. I also really want to read a lot today, but I can't let myself be sucked into some good book before I work on some of my own. My output for the last week has been shameful and I have to wrangle February back on track, productivity-wise. Lately I started binging The Good Place and it's hilarious, but it's also made me cry a couple times. Definitely an amazing show. I already knew the season 1 plot twist before I went in and I still enjoyed it immensely as I saw it pulled off. I highly recommend it! I love afterlife stories so I wish I had started it sooner, but I saw a bunch of people in the BoJack subreddit ranting and raving about it during the BoJack finale threads (because they used similar plot devices but in opposite ways) and I had BoJack hangover from that shotgun blast of an ending to what is probably the best show ever, so I started The Good Place to help distract me a little... Now I really am going to stop ranting and raving about TV shows and stuff and go write my damn book. Because I am a capable author who promised himself he'd make 2020 his bitch...
So, the first Lilac Xia Jones story, Night of the Dragon, just got a new round of extensive editing and a new cover. The new, definitive edition of the story is out. I'm very happy I was able to go back and edit this, and I'm not going to lie, I edited...a lot. I added about 4k to 5k words of new material and rewrote a lot of the other material. You can get the new edition here!
I'm much happier with this version of the story. I wrote this when I was about 17 and it probably wasn't ever ready to come out when I published it. I'm about to turn 24 so being able to go back and fix a lot of the stuff I didn't like or didn't have the technical skill to pull off the first time I wrote it was very satisfying. I also love the stylish new cover, which is definitely more in line with the rest of my catalog:
I included the cover for the 5th story, which is coming out sometime mid-February! This week I'm focusing on editing and publishing new editions of volumes 2, 3, & 4, and then I'm going to get to work drafting Where Six Souls Meet, which is the first chapter of the 2nd act of the story. I'm really excited for this phase, and I'm glad to finally have an overarching plan and end-goal in place for this series and these characters. There will be 13 stories total, and then they'll all be bound up in a special omnibus.
I'm devoting the first half of 2020 to my three serials; Lilac Xia Jones, Superhero High, & Dark Territory (which I haven't talked about at all yet, but will have more details on later in the month!) and editing my previous novels (Shadows is already mostly done and on the way, and Blood of Midnight and Divinity are both next!) and the second half of the year to writing sequels for some of my novels, particularly for the Deadheart saga and Divinity.
I'm also devoted to writing a second Liesmith book this year if the stars align! I have a lot of ideas for it and I'm gearing up for it but I still have a lot of mental anxiety about it, because I'm stubborn and weird like that.
I actually had a lot of fun editing the first story this last week, even though I drank way too much coffee and beer. It doesn't count if it's after Christmas but before the New Year, though ;)
Anyway, you can check out Night of The Dragon here or add Where Six Souls Meet to your Goodreads shelves here!
*Title from the song Show Me Yours by Trisha Paytas. So all I've done for the past two days is work on this new story I don't want to talk about, and play Fortnite. I'm now officially trash. To be fair I also walked to our mailbox today but the only thing inside was a death threat/parking ticket reminder. It was really nice outside, even though it was cold as hell. I wore combat boots instead of sneakers so I wasn't slipping on all the ice for once. It's weirdly beautiful and, I guess, 'fresh' outside when it's winter and there's snow everywhere but it's still sunny. All the white snow and golden light combines and makes things look like some kind of a fantasy world. Anyway, my walk was nice, but I'm sore all over. I'm probably ruining my back by sitting in all the weird positions I sit in. I made a blanket nest on the floor in a corner of my room and I've been retreating there more often than I want to admit even though I know it's really fudging up my back and shoulders, especially my neck. Oh well, though, it's comfy and I have no decent chairs and even if I did, I'd want to sit on the floor anyway because I'm a weirdo. The truth is both my bed and my house in general are twisted and bent to hell. The entire world is warped. I have no money to get a new bed, but even if I did I'd probably spend it on books... So I have to deal with my back problems and I mostly do it by spraying my entire body with a muscle relaxant that has peppermint in it but honestly just smells like root beer. Like to a degree that it's weird. I think it's about time I give my body a break from the constant assault of coffee and weed I put it under, so I'm cutting those out for a couple days, hopefully, even though I already cut back on smoking. The truth is it helped with quiet a few things, so I guess that's a sign I should keep cutting back. I'm one of those people who doesn't like to do what's good for me, though, and even when I finally relent and do it, I end up kicking and screaming the whole way. In fact, it's probably why I'm writing this blog right now instead of writing my next book. To be fair, I only have a couple more chapters to write, because it's not actually a book, it's a novella, and I am in love with it, but I'm at the final fight scene and I always kind of hate the action scenes because as cool as they can be, I'm more interested in characters just talking and having feelings about each other, and it's also a scene where some reveals need to happen to most of the characters present, and a lot of different moving pieces are involved, and I'm not sure entirely if I'm wrapping it all up right. But it doesn't really matter, right? The first entry in a series doesn't even need to wrap much up, it mostly just needs to get you excited for the next one, and I think it will. I actually wrote the first 10k words of this project all in one night, and I really had a lot of fun with it up to now, but I think I need to reread it all from the start and do some editing to re-familiarize myself with it before I hop back in and write the end. I know 'they' say you shouldn't edit as you write, 'they' being the unseen council of art gods whose opinions get spread around the internet as fact, or the cold hard rules of writing, but I'm gonna go ahead and break that rules. I've been hanging out playing video games and listening to the new Trisha Paytas EP all day. I was really hoping I'd get my new books in the mail, since some are supposed to come this week, but I don't think they'll get here until tomorrow some time, and I'm annoyed about it. I want those books! I've got the entire My Blood Approves series coming, both Hollows books, and Gumiho 1 (Wicked Fox) and I bought a box-set of the Splintered trilogy so I can have nice new paperbacks that actually match, because I haven't read book three and I hate that the copies of the first two I have don't match, one is paperback and the other is hardcover, and I prefer paperback, which I've been told I'm weird for by hardcover lovers, who are what we in the business of being awesome call haters. <__<
I'm already reading a ton of books including The Red Scrolls of Magic and Margaret Sthol's Black Widow book Forever Red (I also need its sequel, gah) because I want to get excited for Black Widow's solo movie. The trailer they just put out looks awesome. I'm also considering rereading The Hunger Games because Fortnite really reminds me of it, lol. I haven't read those books in two or three years now, and I watched the trailers for their movies earlier and got really nostalgic. Remember when we were all like a hundred years younger and The Hunger Games was first blowing up, and the first movie had just come out in theaters? Damn, we are old. That said Suzanne Collins is coming to save western society with another book in that world, so hey, maybe the Gods who run the simulation haven't abandoned us yet at all! Anyway I will leave you with the promise of new links and new covers for new titles next time I post! I'm not letting myself write another blog until I write my damn novella! I'm probably going to go back on what I said about quitting coffee, aren't I? I know I am. - XOXO, your local insane indie author who is definitely NOT Gossip Girl, I swear
Today was a little hellish. The power went out around 4am and was out for hours. Someone hit a power line with her car nearby, but from what I heard she was fine. Anyway my computer wouldn't turn back on after the outage, and I was afraid I'd lost everything, but I opened it up and shorted it with a screwdriver, so it's fine now, but the power button is done for good.
The tower looks like this right now:
I need a new computer really bad but I have no money, which is why it's so important for me to edit these stories and get them out already. I've been getting a lot of work done but it doesn't feel like it because I haven't shared any. I'm quitting pot because it freaks me out so I'll have the mind to write more, too.
Tonight I'm going to finish editing the second novella, pen a new short story, write a new chapter of the current book, and then edit more of Shadows New Edition. That sounds like a lot but it's not. Editing Shadows is hardest, even though it's a copy read to catch any final editing errors, and I'm not adding or changing anything substantial. It's hard reading my own books without judging them very harshly, and wanting to change stuff, but I can't because Shadows is done and published, and all I can do now is clean it up more and not totally rewrite lines.*
Anyway, I'm going to go eat something and play video games for an hour before I get to work, and maybe then I can figure out this whole author thing.
*Note Added Oct 12, 2019: I made myself laugh while rereading that. I definitely DID change a lot of lines and added 24k of new material, to a book that's already been published for 4 years now. I play by my own rules, lol.
Today I got in a huge fight with my parents, and now my head is pounding. My best friend Kuma cheered me up a bit and comforted me, because they're awesome. And I've been listening to all the good new pop music to make myself feel better. Olivia O'Brien's new album is crazy. I also like the new Ashnikko song, and of course, Taylor Swift finally dropped her new single. I didn't like it at first but it's growing on me. She always picks bad lead singles anyway, then her albums have amazing deep cuts.
I made some beats in BandLab tonight that I really enjoy. I made like six songs and of those I think four have potential, so I wrote some lyrics for those to record later today once the sun is up and I'm home alone.
I want to move out really bad but I'm not sure I want to leave the country, I'm kind of too used to it even though it's inconvenient and spooky sometimes. I think cities are scarier because of inevitable societal collapse. I mean, I say inevitable, but I hope it's not, but all the climate change news and deforestation freaks me out. But if I lived in the city my neighbours would hear me singing, and that's awkward. Even though I do post some of my songs online, it's the final versions that I think sound decent enough to share. And even now I look back on many of those songs and cringe. But I still feel a compulsive need to make them, even if I'm too shy to sing when other people are around. Basically everything I do is a random compulsion though, so that's that.
I have a short story in the works I really don't want to finish. I'm just not in the mood to write more erotica tonight, but if I don't finish now I don't know if I ever will. (Note: since writing this I finished it. It was easy and fun, I was just being a drama queen.)
All I want to work on is the sequel to Storm of Masks. I have so many ideas for it and I feel genuinely inspired, but I have other things on my checklist first. To satiate myself I'll republish Storm of Masks sometime soon, since it's down right now. I'm very excited for these sequels. Each one ramps things up a step further, to crazy levels. I've got a few things to finish first though, and right now all I want to do is go play video games and be lazy.
First I'm going to eat more baked potatoes and salad though, because that's the only thing in the world I want right now. I don't know why I have such intense cravings for baked potatoes lately. It's probably that weird Tierra Whack music video for her song Unemployed. I just love the texture of the skins I think, they're super crispy and I drench them in butter and salt and pepper. Plus they're simple to cook and require like 3 tiny steps. If I have to put in effort in a dish I'm either going to burn it or ruin it some other way.
I disagree with my parents on a lot of things but they have finally convinced me I can't cook, so there's that, but I can make baked potatoes, and salad, and that's good enough for me.
Actually since I said that I cooked some honey garlic chicken and rice that my mom said looked good, and she told my brother I'm an awesome cook. So I think she's as indecisive as me. Maybe it depends on the day. I do burn stuff a lot but it's usually because I get stoned and forget I turned the oven on.
Yup, that's it. Coffee, and cookies, and my butt in a chair. That last one is the hardest part. Especially since these dogs want to distract me so, so bad... I'm babysitting my brother's dog Otis. (Follow him on Instagram here.)
He's adorable, but don't let it fool you, since we've got him he's eaten 3 dish towels, a $600 dollar cheque, a blanket, 2 chew toys, 2 footballs, and more. We can't keep him out of anything, and he has a bad habit of jumping onto the kitchen counters and grabbing anything out there. He's a cuddlebug, though, even when he's biting at you. I'm determined to finish the new edition of Shadows within the next few hours, though, so I can publish it already! I'm hoping I can head up to the she-cave today and record some music in there, since I have no privacy in the house while everyone else is on vacation. I really want to put out a new EP today. Too ambitious? We'll see, lol. Listen to my latest song here: Maybe You Were Right
Remember when Grimes put out the best album ever? Remember how we've been waiting for new material ever since and it hasn't happened? Remember a couple months ago when she posted shady Tweets about her label and gave us some tea? The only new music she's put out since then is a snippet of a new bop in an Apple commercial:
It sounds like a bop for sure, but we need it now, not later. I'd love to hear the full version. I'm glad more artists are going independent. Even if it means lower budgets at least it minimizes situations like this with shitty labels. It happens in publishing too, people get fucked over by their labels and publishers and management all the time. There are shady business practices and betrayals and drama. It makes my head spin.
I was watching an Emma Blackery video (I'm waiting for her new album too!) earlier where she talked about a chain bookstore basically blacklisting her and refusing to list her book or promote it because she got mad at them on Twitter for violating a release embargo on the book. Since when is that okay?
It's wild to me that people's entire careers are subject to random whims like this on the part of people higher up in the chain. Or to bandwagon hate, because that happens and ruins careers too. It's also weird how so many artists in the past just couldn't put things out on their own, at least not if they wanted decent exposure.
Now we have the Internet and everyone is kind of enabled to build a brand and name for themselves off of nothing.
I recently put out a new EP on my SoundCloud called Plucked From Orbit:
I don't really make music with the expectation of being known for it or it gaining a lot of attraction. I just like tooling around with synths and different sequencers, and I like making glitchy sounds and album arts. For me it's more about enjoyment and the concepts than making /actual/ bops.
Although I do want to learn to make more mainstream sounding pop bops eventually. Right now I'm basically creating ASMR sounds :P
I'm supposed to be working on a new edition of Shadows to put out next month. But I'm a serial procrastinator, so instead of writing the new novella Lovecursed or updating my notes, I'm planning a new edition of Souls of Salt & Seawater. And listening to lots of Billie Eilish. Not gonna lie.
I've also just been stewing over how many good movies are coming out.
Aquaman, The Nun, Godzilla, that new Bella Thorne movie with the ghosts (it looks cheesy as hell, but that's half the fun) and stuff like Darkest Minds, Glass, Mary Queen of Scotts. I'm really excited for Riverdale season 3. Cults and supernatural elements? Sign me up. I didn't expect them to go full supernatural until season 4, but I'm all here for it.
A couple weeks ago I spent an entire royalty check on vodka, 'cause that's the kind of irresponsible human I am, and got smashed. My parents were having a huge party with dozens of people milling around and bonfires and camping and stuff, so that was a mess, and I didn't want to be sober throughout it, and I'm guessing neither did Kuma. We also babysat my brother's wild dog during the whole ordeal, and the thing is vicious. Also, my selfie stick finally came! Here's some snaps from the weekend:
(Otis is cute but don't let it fool you! He bites! He still thinks he's a lap dog, too...)
(Me & Kuma!)
(Testing the selfie stick, lol)
Now the vodka is all gone and I'm left with an empty wallet. Next time I get paid I'm buying charcoal toothpaste to remove the coffee stains from my teeth, and some charcoal face masks to go with it. I need to do something about this breakout. Ugh.
I've gotta go take the dog for a walk and then come back and hammer away at this new edition of Shadows so I can finally share the cover with you. I only made it yesterday so I can't act like I've been sitting on it long, but it feels like it. It's very Pirates of the Caribbean... And I really have to go finish it, so I'll leave you with this here:
I'm stuck in editing hell again. I keep coming back here despite my best intentions to never write again, because it drives me up a tree, even when I feel like I'm having fun. Right now I'm polishing up the first chapters of Break This Gilded Cage (the first installment in my new vampire serial, I Am Your Fate) before I write the last three.
In non-writing related news, I've honestly just been watching zombie shows on Netflix and napping. I'm so exciting, huh?
I spent my Halloween night drinking spiked coffee and listening to Spotify, so nothing too special is happening. I think I may put out a new chapter of Fascination on Wattpad tonight, though. So, slowly, the ball is moving forward on a few different projects. I just put Shadows of Ourselves on Pronoun for free, so once it's live maybe Amazon will finally price match?
It's been a hell of a time trying to get them to do that--Shadows is on InstaFreebie and Wattpad, but Amazon doesn't really care about that. RoAnna Sylver said they finally price matched her book once she put it up on Pronoun though, so maybe it will work for me too. I hope so. Shadows needs the love, and I think if it goes permafree on Amazon it will start to get the hype it deserves.
I'll probably make Break This Gilded Cage free, too. Every other installment of the serial will be 99 cents, since each one is only 15 to 20 chapters.
Anyway, enough of my rambling. I'll have a better, less pointless blog post tomorrow or maybe even later tonight. Until then, here's some good music.
Hi! Long time no see. I've been spending most of my time wallowing in bed, watching too much Netflix. Sometimes I get a little writing done, though. Sometimes I even publish it O_o In that vein, I've got two new books out! The first is Beacon, a young adult urban fantasy which I've been teasing you guys about forever and decided to just go ahead and drop.
The second is Chosen, which is a previously un-announced spin-off of Beacon. It's a new adult paranormal romance about an unrelated set of characters in the same world, and you can (and should!) read it as a standalone.
I'll add new pages for Beacon and Chosen at the top of the blog! I'm also going to be fiddling with the blog design for a while tonight, so don't freak out if things look a little wonky or ugly for a while.
I started working on an exciting new project the other night, but I'm going to try to reign myself in and finish Forsake This Violent World tonight before moving forward on that. I'm also still editing Shadows of Ourselves to catch errors I missed in the first edition, so I can put out a cleaner new one. Nothing has changed or been cut or added, I'm just addressing grammar mistakes and spelling errors I never caught the first time around.
My editing process has also changed a lot since I wrote Shadows of Ourselves, so it's nice to go back and fix those oversights I was once oblivious to.
Anyway, that's all I've got for now. I'll post more about Chosen in the next few days, including an exert from the story & a few facts about the book & writing process.
