Red Bulls & Moth's Wings

 It's honestly wild how fast this year is moving. I turned thirty a few days ago. I wanted to have this novella out already but I'm taking my sweet time with it because it's launching a new pen name and returning to publishing after a long time away and that's obviously been nerve-wracking.

I'm sure my own expectations for myself are much higher than other people's, to be fair. I have to remember it's not supposed to be the Best Book Ever Written. It's supposed to be silly, fun, and kinda sexy. And weird.

And hey! It is all those things!

I'm in the final stages of working on it so it will be announced and released soon but right now it's too soon to say anything other than it's the first in a series (duh) and it's supernatural (duh) and gay (duh).

February Slipped Away

What an asshole of a month. A month of mystery. And fog. And snow. And reading Crescent City and playing video games and sleeping a lot. And editing a lot.

And now, March.

I'm turning thirty. Is anyone ever ready for that? I'm kind of vibing with it, though.

Meanwhile I wanted to blog so much more during February. I wanted to read more, write more, and DO more than I did. So with the one last day we have left, I'm doing as much as I can. Which means I'm going to post what I want, make what I want, and cram as much creative productivity into the last day as I can.

Because even though I have time to do this all in March and I'm not rushing any of it, I still wanted to have more more in February, you know?

And if you don't, I don't know how you don't. The shortest month really outdid itself this year. Here and gone in a blink!

Anyways, I've got music to make, and a sketchbook spread to do, and some books to edit, and some self-pub admin tasks to finish with, and it's all so overwhelming, but probably only because I put it all off until the last minute.

Supermassive Black Hole of Video Games and Editing

 Editing never ends. Neither does my thirst for new games to play, either, so that's nice that they have each other. Twinsies.

For me personally I have hype aversion about weird things sometimes, so I never paid attention to all the Witcher 3 obsessive hype. I knew I didn't wanna go play 1 and 2 but I was curious. So I bought the complete edition the other day.

I think I bit the bullet because I trust CDProjektRed now after playing so much Cyberpunk 2077.

Also because Geralt is daddy.

Anyway being Daddy of Rivia doesn't pay as much as I thought. It probably still pays better than writing, though. Should I become a monster slayer?

If other people can get paid to be ghost hunters for bad reality tv, why not me? I can jump at fake noises too! I'm not too dignified.

No Reason I Shouldn't

 Shockingly, not many people read this blog. I know, I know, a blogger blog for an indie author that hasn't regularly published since 2020/2021 isn't a huge hit. Shocker, right?

So I think sometimes I shouldn't even bother publishing here, but then I think, there's no reason I shouldn't, either.

Frankly I do it for myself as much as anyone else; it keeps my head clear and me focused on my goals, rather than ambiguously shuffling around trying to remember what I was doing. Like, right now, I'm working on things I can't announce, but I am working on things.

Like, launching new pen names, new books, republishing old books with cool new editions. Writing sequels. But it's hard, hard work. And I'm also psyching myself out.

I used to blog so much, and had so much fun.

I think that's worth trying again.

I noticed last year I only posted four times. Probably because it flew by, but also because it felt like I had so much happening. Now I kind of wish I had slowed down and made more of that time and documented it more. Ah well, I can at least start now.

So, this month I released an album.

It's called The Chaos Precise and it's only up on Bandlab right now. You can check it out here.

Here's the cover:

 

 

 

The tracklist is eleven songs. There was another song called Twisted Delicate that came just before and led into the track 'somewhere in the middle' but it kept getting copyrighted and made private. I submitted an appeal and they restored it only to flag it and remove it again. I'm at my wits end. I'll still publish that track elsewhere because I did remove all the copyrighted samples from it only for them to still mess around.

Anyway it's got a little pop, a little rock/grunge and a little weird digital stuff. I never know how to make something one genre, or make the genres sound interesting, but it is what it is. I love this record.

For now, that is. I'll probably decide I hate it in a few weeks and then make a new one.

I have a weird love/hate relationship with all my music, but it's the best I can make it and at a certain point you just have to release shit.

I'm gonna get back to my writing projects, but at least I feel like I've contributed something to this blog for this year.

It Begins Again and Again and Again

 I am still writing things. I'm always writing things. Right now I'm actually editing things, which is mostly the same but also incredibly specifically different.

The main thing I wanted to update anybody/everybody on was that when I start publishing these things I'm sometimes writing and sometimes editing, when I'm not snacking and making music and existing in a state of panic over...everything...it's going to be under new pen names.

I recently published and then unpublished a new edition of Faces in Weeds.

That's because I actually had to redesign the cover, add a subtitle to the story, and write two new pieces of bonus fiction so it could be 'transformative' enough that when I publish it under Amazon under my new pen name, it won't get de-listed or get my account banned for rank manipulation. It has to be demonstrably different from previous versions enough to count as a different product, so that's what I'm doing.

Ultimately this is also what I have to do with all my previous works: new covers, titles/subtitles, editing/expanded content, and new bonus content and exclusive extra chapters, that sort of thing. It's the only way to ensure I can actually publish them.

This basically has to happen because Amazon won't let me reclaim my old KDP account, which I can no longer access, or merge it with my new KDP account.

Since most book business is done on Amazon and I need money to live that's where I have to publish, and to do that, I have to make sure not to violate their rules, and using the same pen name on two different accounts is also a bannable offense according to their terms. It would help if their customer service was at all helpful or even sufficiently trained to understand how KDP and its features/systems/rules even work, but they aren't, which seems insanely unprofessional, but it is what it is. They can't help, apparently. Beyond them.

So we come to me having to launch new pen names to republish all Apollo Blake and Cosmo Knox titles.

I was kind of ready to retire the Apollo Blake pen name anyway, so that's fine, but Cosmo Knox was a fantastic pen name I never wanted to let go of, and now I do, and that sucks. Anyway things are in the works, projects are coming along, just slowly as I try to balance and actually enjoy life and not burn out.

The new Tomb Raider games look incredible, the Stranger Things finale was okay, and the new Cassandra Clare collection Better in Black is a lot of fun so far, making me nostalgic as hell.

I also recently read Sunrise on The Reaping and was emotionally devastated. Now I'm rereading Catching Fire. I was actually already reading it, but put it down when they rewatched Haymitch's games so I could go read his book. Pretty cool way to do it, I think.

I also put out a new album called The Chaos Precise, I'm gonna post more about it soon but I haven't done YouTube and SoundCloud uploads yet so.

Yes, Google Play Books, I Am Who I Say I Am

In case you all had missed it, a few days ago I published a new edition of Faces in Weeds on Kobo and Barnes and Noble, Apple Books, and a few others like Smashwords. I hope you'll check it out, it's got a pretty new cover and a fresh round of copy edits with maybe a hundred or so new words added. Just thought I'd tidy it up and get back to publishing for the first time in a long time, and of course, the world couldn't let that happen without a snag, so of course my new Google Play Books Publishing Partner account got suspended almost as soon as I published it, because they don't believe I own the copyright or that I am, indeed, who I say I am.

So let's clear this up: I'm Kyle Brittain, but I go by Kai Bishop publicly. I write and publish under the author names Apollo Blake and Cosmo Knox. I own everything I write and publish, I don't publish things I didn't write and don't own, and I certainly have never made any secret that these are my pen names.

My identity has never been a secret, because I'm not, despite many rumors circulating, a superhero. I don't work for the Daily Planet--but if I did I'd publish under Apollo Blake or Cosmo Knox, because those are my pen names.

Google's helpful email said they needed to see proof I am who I say I am which could include links to my official author website, so let's hope this post I made special just for them is helpful enough.

Here's the new cover for Faces in Weeds by the way:

As always keep an eye out on this space because it's where I'll post news and updates about new releases, even if I'm sometimes a few days late. (And being accused of being an imposter. How glamorous and scandalous for me.)

A Reminder For You (Writing Pep Talk)

So I've been hard at work on a few titles I'm going to launch on Kobo, including Leo & Declan 1 and 2 (Under His Touch, Under His Watch) and the drafting process was being difficult last night, so I opened my notes app and wrote this. I think it's gonna be something I need to return to again and again, so I'll share it here for you all too:

I am worried about so many things I cannot control but what I can control is writing my book and editing my short stories so that's what I'm going to focus on.

It's not up to me to be perfect or control the universe or every reaction to my books.

All I can do is write them, then publish them, then market them, to the degree that I want to. That's all. The rest of it is out of my hands. And I can't force it. But I can work with it, move with it, evolve with it, and take it all as it comes.

That's what I can do. So that's what I'll do.

I'll write my gay erotica romance stories and urban fantasies and sci-fi stuff even when it feels silly or stupid or it isn't as groundbreaking or intelligent or literary as everyone else's book. I'll do what I want, have fun, and hope someone wants to read what I wrote, but I can only write what I want to write, and if nobody else is along for the ride, I guess that's that.

The point of this is just to say all of that outside stuff is noise. And noise can be tuned out. All I can control is that I can write my book, even if it means learning again, for the millionth time, how to adapt and pivot. I can do that much, and probably so can you.