The Importance of Spider-Man
All I've been doing for the past few days is play Spider-Man for the PS4 and waiting for my new laptop to come in the mail. It's here now, and it's very fancy, and I'm using it to catch up on NaNoWriMo, and, yes, writing Spider-Man fanfic. I'm only human.
I grew up on Spidey. I know most of us did, but still; when my dad was a kid in the seventies and eighties he would dress up as Spider-Man and climb on top of his roof to amuse his friends. When my brother and I were growing up in the late nineties and early two-thousands, we had cool Spider-Man pajamas and toys and gadgets like mini web-shooters that shot silly string all over the house and effectively turned our mother homicidal. We watched the Sam Raimi trilogy all the time. Toby isn't my favorite Spider-Man, or even my favorite movie Spider-Man, but he was still fantastic, even though those movies got corny sometimes.
I have a very clear memory of going to a birthday party at some kids house when I was like, eight or nine--I still have no idea who this kid was, if he was my friend or my brother's, or just the kid of one of our Dad's friends who we got shoved into spending time with, although I think that was it.
My brother was a social butterfly, and I was sadly not. I didn't fit in with any of the kids my age, and I was shy and I felt weird and out of place. I didn't know any of the kids at that party, but I remember they put on one of those movies for us, I think it was Spider-Man 2, and we all sat in the basement watching it while we waited for this kid's older brother and his mom to tell us who had won this contest earlier in the night, one of those where you have to guess how many jelly beans there are in a big glass jar full of them. I don't remember what number I guessed exactly, but I was right; I remember halfway through the movie I had to go pee so I went upstairs, and on my way back down I overheard the brother asking his mom how many beans were in there, and she replied with my guess, I had somehow gotten it exactly right, I don't know how, but I knew I'd won before anyone else knew I'd won. The prize, of course, was the huge jar of jelly beans. My brother didn't usually like me, but he sure liked me that day, when he got to stuff his face with my winnings. I just remember watching the rest of Spider-Man and feeling very proud of myself.
I remember another time when I was around eleven or so, my neighbor Megan's little dog ran away, and my friend Brandon and I (not to be confused with my brother Brandon, because of course there have to be multiple Brandons running around just to keep things interesting) and I went out looking for it. We found the thing, and when we brought him home, Megan's mom was so happy she bought us both a box of Spider-Man gummy candies as a reward. I shared mine with my dad.
I don't know why I love Spidey so much, or maybe I do, honestly; maybe it's because he's a superhero whose alter-ego is just as easy to root for as his hero persona is.
Clark Kent is just pretending to be a nerd with glasses, he's a hot, buff alien who doesn't really have that many confidence issues. I know he's a DC hero, but bear with me. Wonder Woman, another DC hero, is a literal fucking Amazonian princess. Even on the Marvel side of things, it's like, Tony Stark is a hot rich playboy asshole most of the time. Black Widow is a kick-ass Russian spy. Northstar is a fucking famous figure skater.
So, yeah, they're cool, interesting heroes, but they're not relatable to most of us.
Men, women, white folks, black folk, straight folk, gay folk, we all relate to Peter Parker because he actually IS that nerd with glasses, he's not pretending, it's not an act. He's just a nice dorky kid from New York who usually lives at home with his family, or if he lives alone is super overdue on rent, he's into nerdy shit like photography and science. He's a dork. He's a real underdog. We all see ourselves in him.
And when Peter puts on that mask, he's not shedding his fake Peter persona, he's not becoming somebody else, because Spider-Man is actually a part of Peter, he's Peter unleashed. He has no reason to be shy or hold himself back under that mask, and the real him comes out, the funny, charming, playful part of himself he's sometimes too shy or awkward to let out in real, daily life. When other heroes shed their normal clothes and slap on spandex, they're not really putting on a costume, they're taking one-off; the hero persona is the real them, and the alter-ego almost becomes an act half the time. (Depending on the writer, obviously. I'm not shitting on all other heroes, but it's obvious that they often lack something Peter Parker has that makes people respond to him on a much more crazy, fanatical level of fandom...) Peter Parker is Peter Parker, whether he's wearing flannel or spandex, and that's what makes him so special, he doesn't become a completely different person between personas, he just becomes more himself.
I'm not sure why I feel the need to say all this. I just love Spider-Man I guess. I know it will probably never happen, or at least not for years, because, you know, Tom Holland and Marvel-Sony and Into The Spiderverse, there's just a lot going on with this property right now, so I think it would muddy the waters a bit too much, but SOMEDAY I'd like a Spider-Man TV show. A nice 45-mins-per-episode TV show with an ensemble cast, following Peter from becoming Spider-Man to meeting Miles Morales and becoming a mentor to him, giving MJ a Jessica Jones P.I. type slant (minus the mean personality and alcoholism, because I'm pretty sure Jess has those trademarked) and more. I'd love an ensemble cast drama in this world, with these characters, is what I'm saying. It was a TV show way back in the day, it could be again.
I also want a bi Peter Parker, though, so I'm probably just throwing shit out there. That leaked Sony email basically said "Spider-Man can never be gay or the anti-SJWS will riot!" so it's probably ruled out. And they're right, I mean, anti-SJWS hate Holdo from Star Wars because they're convinced having pink hair makes you lesbian (I think the director or writer did pull a JKR, Dumbledore type deal with her, but it's not in the text so fuck them, it's not canon) and they ignore all of Rey's character development to call her a Mary Sue feminazi bitch while upholding Padme and Mara Jade, a flat, boring static character and a literal overpowered Mary Sue as more well-written alternatives, so people are basically insane and will riot whenever any form of minority is in their fiction these days, sadly. I get it.
Spider-Man being gay or bi would sent the internet into a tailspin, and I kind of want to see it because I'm a shit-disturber and I think it would be funny.
But also because, come on, Peter Parker is bi as fuck. He's had weird sexual tension Flash Thompson and Eddie Brock several times throughout his comics runs and various other forms of media. He's got weird vibes with his best friend Harry. I don't know, I just don't buy that Peter is 100% straight. I do buy that he's 100% pure-hearted and a total dork, though, which is why he's the best superhero. He makes nerds and dorks believe in themselves and he's funny. And he represents the twinks. And the twunks. And that's why Spider-Man is so damn important.
If I was a huge blockbuster, top-selling YA author who could land gigs like these superhero novels people like Margaret Sthol and Leigh Bardugo and SJ Maas are getting, I'd want to write a Spider-Man trilogy. I'd probably be Kevin Fiege's slave for life if he or someone, anyone, at Marvel, would let me at this property.
Alas, I'll be restrained to the realm of fanfic and daydreaming, but I'll still love Spider-Man as long as I live.
I grew up on Spidey. I know most of us did, but still; when my dad was a kid in the seventies and eighties he would dress up as Spider-Man and climb on top of his roof to amuse his friends. When my brother and I were growing up in the late nineties and early two-thousands, we had cool Spider-Man pajamas and toys and gadgets like mini web-shooters that shot silly string all over the house and effectively turned our mother homicidal. We watched the Sam Raimi trilogy all the time. Toby isn't my favorite Spider-Man, or even my favorite movie Spider-Man, but he was still fantastic, even though those movies got corny sometimes.
I have a very clear memory of going to a birthday party at some kids house when I was like, eight or nine--I still have no idea who this kid was, if he was my friend or my brother's, or just the kid of one of our Dad's friends who we got shoved into spending time with, although I think that was it.
My brother was a social butterfly, and I was sadly not. I didn't fit in with any of the kids my age, and I was shy and I felt weird and out of place. I didn't know any of the kids at that party, but I remember they put on one of those movies for us, I think it was Spider-Man 2, and we all sat in the basement watching it while we waited for this kid's older brother and his mom to tell us who had won this contest earlier in the night, one of those where you have to guess how many jelly beans there are in a big glass jar full of them. I don't remember what number I guessed exactly, but I was right; I remember halfway through the movie I had to go pee so I went upstairs, and on my way back down I overheard the brother asking his mom how many beans were in there, and she replied with my guess, I had somehow gotten it exactly right, I don't know how, but I knew I'd won before anyone else knew I'd won. The prize, of course, was the huge jar of jelly beans. My brother didn't usually like me, but he sure liked me that day, when he got to stuff his face with my winnings. I just remember watching the rest of Spider-Man and feeling very proud of myself.
I remember another time when I was around eleven or so, my neighbor Megan's little dog ran away, and my friend Brandon and I (not to be confused with my brother Brandon, because of course there have to be multiple Brandons running around just to keep things interesting) and I went out looking for it. We found the thing, and when we brought him home, Megan's mom was so happy she bought us both a box of Spider-Man gummy candies as a reward. I shared mine with my dad.
I don't know why I love Spidey so much, or maybe I do, honestly; maybe it's because he's a superhero whose alter-ego is just as easy to root for as his hero persona is.
Clark Kent is just pretending to be a nerd with glasses, he's a hot, buff alien who doesn't really have that many confidence issues. I know he's a DC hero, but bear with me. Wonder Woman, another DC hero, is a literal fucking Amazonian princess. Even on the Marvel side of things, it's like, Tony Stark is a hot rich playboy asshole most of the time. Black Widow is a kick-ass Russian spy. Northstar is a fucking famous figure skater.
So, yeah, they're cool, interesting heroes, but they're not relatable to most of us.
Men, women, white folks, black folk, straight folk, gay folk, we all relate to Peter Parker because he actually IS that nerd with glasses, he's not pretending, it's not an act. He's just a nice dorky kid from New York who usually lives at home with his family, or if he lives alone is super overdue on rent, he's into nerdy shit like photography and science. He's a dork. He's a real underdog. We all see ourselves in him.
And when Peter puts on that mask, he's not shedding his fake Peter persona, he's not becoming somebody else, because Spider-Man is actually a part of Peter, he's Peter unleashed. He has no reason to be shy or hold himself back under that mask, and the real him comes out, the funny, charming, playful part of himself he's sometimes too shy or awkward to let out in real, daily life. When other heroes shed their normal clothes and slap on spandex, they're not really putting on a costume, they're taking one-off; the hero persona is the real them, and the alter-ego almost becomes an act half the time. (Depending on the writer, obviously. I'm not shitting on all other heroes, but it's obvious that they often lack something Peter Parker has that makes people respond to him on a much more crazy, fanatical level of fandom...) Peter Parker is Peter Parker, whether he's wearing flannel or spandex, and that's what makes him so special, he doesn't become a completely different person between personas, he just becomes more himself.
I'm not sure why I feel the need to say all this. I just love Spider-Man I guess. I know it will probably never happen, or at least not for years, because, you know, Tom Holland and Marvel-Sony and Into The Spiderverse, there's just a lot going on with this property right now, so I think it would muddy the waters a bit too much, but SOMEDAY I'd like a Spider-Man TV show. A nice 45-mins-per-episode TV show with an ensemble cast, following Peter from becoming Spider-Man to meeting Miles Morales and becoming a mentor to him, giving MJ a Jessica Jones P.I. type slant (minus the mean personality and alcoholism, because I'm pretty sure Jess has those trademarked) and more. I'd love an ensemble cast drama in this world, with these characters, is what I'm saying. It was a TV show way back in the day, it could be again.
I also want a bi Peter Parker, though, so I'm probably just throwing shit out there. That leaked Sony email basically said "Spider-Man can never be gay or the anti-SJWS will riot!" so it's probably ruled out. And they're right, I mean, anti-SJWS hate Holdo from Star Wars because they're convinced having pink hair makes you lesbian (I think the director or writer did pull a JKR, Dumbledore type deal with her, but it's not in the text so fuck them, it's not canon) and they ignore all of Rey's character development to call her a Mary Sue feminazi bitch while upholding Padme and Mara Jade, a flat, boring static character and a literal overpowered Mary Sue as more well-written alternatives, so people are basically insane and will riot whenever any form of minority is in their fiction these days, sadly. I get it.
Spider-Man being gay or bi would sent the internet into a tailspin, and I kind of want to see it because I'm a shit-disturber and I think it would be funny.
But also because, come on, Peter Parker is bi as fuck. He's had weird sexual tension Flash Thompson and Eddie Brock several times throughout his comics runs and various other forms of media. He's got weird vibes with his best friend Harry. I don't know, I just don't buy that Peter is 100% straight. I do buy that he's 100% pure-hearted and a total dork, though, which is why he's the best superhero. He makes nerds and dorks believe in themselves and he's funny. And he represents the twinks. And the twunks. And that's why Spider-Man is so damn important.
If I was a huge blockbuster, top-selling YA author who could land gigs like these superhero novels people like Margaret Sthol and Leigh Bardugo and SJ Maas are getting, I'd want to write a Spider-Man trilogy. I'd probably be Kevin Fiege's slave for life if he or someone, anyone, at Marvel, would let me at this property.
Alas, I'll be restrained to the realm of fanfic and daydreaming, but I'll still love Spider-Man as long as I live.
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